Will The Real Mr. and Mrs. Thom Please Stand Up?

This summer, I was bestowed the privilege of taking part in three different wedding ceremonies. And when I say privileged, I mean that sincerely. Each of these friends means a lot to me, and being able to be there when they get married, let alone being asked participate, makes feel very honored and very happy.

All of the weddings were scheduled to take place this fall; 2 in October, and 1 in November. The November wedding, it turns out, was be held in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Over Thanksgiving. Which, honestly, was kind of nice, as it gave Megan and I an excuse to skip the craziness that comes from having both sets of our parents divorced and remarried. Last year, I think we hit all four Thanksgiving dinners we were invited to. I like turkey and stuffing as much as the next guy, but a man can only take so much. So, this year, problem solved.

Or at least the problem with having too many Thanksgivings. You see, with Thanksgiving being a holiday, plane tickets are at a premium. It makes you wonder, though, if tickets go so fast because travelers are heading home to see family, or skipping town like us? Whatever the case, when I started looking for tickets in July, pickings were already getting pretty slim. Southwest was out. Name Your Own Price on Priceline was out. The cheapest tickets I could find turned out to be from American Airlines through Priceline. And when I say cheapest, that's a pretty relative term, as in "This is the cheapest Rolex I could find," or "This was the cheapest Lexus I could buy." But like I said, it's a once in a lifetime thing, and Megan and I had never spent much time in New Mexico, so it was money well spent. With the tickets purchased Megan and I began making plans for the trip, looking at stuff to do in our spare time, etc. Everything was going swimmingly. That is until the groom-to-be called me to inform me that the wedding had been postponed.

Not cool.

I have never had something like this happen before, but I knew that it's the airline's policy to screw you if have to change your tickets. The don't actually say that's their policy, rather they say this:
"... any changes to your itinerary must be made prior to the date of your departure, and will incur a minimum of a $100 change fee. If you make changes to your itinerary, your fare may be higher... if you do not use your tickets, and do not make changes to your itinerary prior to your date of departure, your tickets will have no value and cannot be refunded or exchanged.

Subject to certain restrictions and fees defined in the rules of the fare, the value of a wholly unused nonrefundable ticket may be used toward the purchase of a new ticket. Travel on such reissued tickets (or subsequently reissued tickets) must commence no later than one year from the date of issue of the original ticket."

Translation: "we're going to screw you, there's nothing you can do about it, so you might want to get something to bite down on." In our case, this means that either Megan and I fly to Albuquerque over Thanksgiving to, you know, "hang out" for four days, or we lose $200 in fees alone to change our tickets. That doesn't sound so bad does it, "hanging out" in New Mexico? Well, I know that the words "New" and "Mexico" bring about images of warmth and sunshine; and while it is true that Ablbuquerque could be 50 degrees and sunny in November, it's also true that it could be 30 degrees and snowing 10 inches. I don't think it's worth the risk. Even the chance that Megan and I could be snowed in at our hotel eating room service over Thanksgiving makes the notion of ponying up the $200 to change our tickets much more sensible.

What I can't figure out, though, is that pretty much everything else you buy can be returned if not used, so why not plane tickets? Yes, I understand that airlines can't make money if their planes are flying around half-empty because people are getting refunds right before take-off, but I'm talking about trying to get a refund nearly 3 months out. The plane was nearly booked up when I bought the tickets, so I'm pretty sure they're not going to have any trouble filling our empty seats. I mean, having to pay more money to use money I already spent seems really unjustified.

Also, I don't really understand why I can't just sell my ticket. Yeah, yeah, terrorists and blah, blah, blah. But that's what airport security is for. Besides it's not like terrorists have never bought plane tickets before. The only drawback I can see to being able to sell tickets, is that maybe scalpers would start buying plane tickets during holidays and mark up the prices. Seeing concert tickets go for over $1000 makes me cringe at how much plane tickets would be, but I'm sure there's a way around that, like I don't know, making it against the law to sell plane tickets for over face value, then offering rewards to people who report it. Whatever, it's not going to happen, especially before Thanksgiving, but it could work. And it should work. I mean, I'm the consumer. I bought the damn tickets. I own them. I should be able to do what I want with them.

Which brings me to the one and only loophole I could think of. Since each ticket is assigned to you by name, and you have to present your I.D. when checking in, all we have to do is find another couple with the same names as Megan and me. I know it sounds like a longshot, but for my ticket, I found this guy and this guy. There's gotta be at least a couple more out there, right? And as far a Megan goes, believe it or not, I found this one and this one. Now, all we have to do is convince them to fly from Omaha to Albuquerque over Thanksgiving and we're set!

Yeah, I know, probably not going happen. But I can dream can't I?

All I have to say is this, the rest of you are gonna get married! You hear me? I'm not changing my plans again, so if you postpone or cancel your wedding, be advised you'll at least be having a private ceremony with Megan and me as guests. Sound like a threat? Maybe. But as long as you all get married as planned, we won't have to find out... Now aren't you glad you made us part of your wedding?

There's No Such Thing As A Bad Idea

It's a nice sounding saying. I understand that it was introduced to encourage input from people who might otherwise be too afraid of coming across as ignorant or even stupid . And who knows, maybe it even works. All I know is that it's a lie. Of course there are bad ideas. Just look at history and you'll find more bad ideas than stars in the sky. Here are just a few examples: Hydrogen-filled blimps, New Coke, invading Russia in the winter, Michael Jordan leaving basketball for baseball, the Crusades, electing G.W. Bush twice, the Bay of Pigs,etc. I think that most of us can all agree that those were all terrible, terrible ideas, and there's just no getting around that.

So, these last couple of weeks, I happened to check out two movies, that when I first heard of them, I thought they were both pretty bad ideas. But it turns out sometimes even bad ideas, in the right hands, can transcend their origins.

The first movie was Clerks II. Now, I dig Kevin Smith. I think he's a funny guy and I enjoy his sensibilities. Hell, I own most of his stuff out on DVD: his movies, An Evening With Kevin Smith, and even the Clerks Animated Series. But let's be totally honest here, with the exception of Chasing Amy, Kevin Smith has never made a "good" movie. He makes entertaining movies, to be sure, but most don't exactly hold together well enough to be considered great cinema. Add that with the debacle that is Jersey Girl and the fact that Clerks didn't exactly seem to scream out for a sequel and let's just say I wasn't first in line to see Smith's new film, Clerks II. I mean, it really just seemed like he was going back to the well, to something safe, after the pounding he took for Jersey Girl. It seemed unoriginal, and frankly, a little cowardly.

But guess what? Clerks II works. It really shouldn't, but it does. It turned out to be not only Smith's second best movie (behind Chasing Amy), but it also turned out to be his funniest. Seriously, this movie brings the goods. And aside from being funny, the movie shows definite growth, not only in the characters as the movie progresses, but from Smith, as well.

Don't go thinking, however, that because Smith has evolved since first making Clerks, that he's somehow matured, though. Oh no my friends, the humor is still as juvenile as it comes. Indeed, if his humor changed in any way, it's actually de-volved and gotten even more juvenile. I've got two words for you: inter-species erotica. The less said about that, the better. Does this hurt the movie? Heck, no! Max and I laughed our asses off from start to finish. And even with the more puerile humor the movie manages to have a heart. That heart is coupled with a perspective on being in your thirties that could only be gained by actually being in your thirties. A perspective that those of us getting up there ourselves should appreciate.

That said, this is definitely a movie for Kevin Smith fans. Where Jersey Girl made the mistake of trying to appeal to a broader audience, this one goes back to his base. In other words, if you think Kevin Smith makes funny movies, you'll like this one; If you don't think he's funny, then you're probably not going to like this one either.

The other movie that sounded like a bad idea was Miami Vice. I think the first time I learned of it's existence, I was at the movie theatre and saw the poster. As I walked toward the poster, I was thinking to myself, "Miami Vice? That could be the dumbest idea for a movie ever!" Then I read these words on the poster: 'A Michael Mann Film'. And I thought to myself, "I'm there."

A little background for those of you that don't know, Michael Mann is one of the best, if not the best, directors working today. Bar none. Not so sure? Here's what respected film critic Peter Travers said about Mann in his review of Miami Vice, "Some say Michael Mann is an acquired taste. I say an appreciation of Mann's films... means you have taste." Not only has he made such great films as Heat, The Last of The Mohicans, and The Insider, but he also was the executive producer and creative force behind the original Miami Vice television series. So, even though I was pretty sure the world didn't need a Miami Vice movie, at least I knew it would be in good hands.

Well, the good news and the bad news is that I was right. First, the bad news. Miami Vice turned out to be a pretty unnecessary exercise. It doesn't really bring anything new or interesting to the table as far as insight into the motivations of cops or criminals (the way Mann's Heat does). Nor does it riff on any way the original Miami Vice series. In fact, Mann could have just as well called it Undercover, and used completely new characters and might have avoided some of the unfavorable criticism the movie has garnered. And some of the criticism is justified. For instance, the jargon used by the characters is sometimes so indecipherable I likened watching the movie to watching a Shakespeare play: you know they're speaking English, but you don't always understand what they're saying, even though you can still follow along if you're paying attention. So, because of these and other factors, I'll have to say that Miami Vice is probably Mann's third worst movie. It's miles better than The Keep (which is Mann's only legitimate "bad" movie), but only slightly better than Thief and only slightly worse than Manhunter.

The good news is this, even Mann's third worst movie is better than 99% of the movies out there. I've been having an ongoing argument about the Miami Vice with some friends of mine for months that began well before it's release. One of the main complaints I've been hearing is the casting of Colin Farrell as Sonny Crockett. But that misses the point of Mann's films entirely. Mann could have cast Carrot Top as Sonny, and I still would have bought a ticket. The fact of the matter is, despite terrific performances by guys like Daniel Day Lewis, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Russell Crowe, etc. in the past, the real star of Mann's movies is Mann himself. His camera work, vision, and style are what make his movies unique and fascinating. And Miami Vice, despite it's flaws, is no exception.

Miami Vice is a badass movie. It's about badass cops taking down some badass criminals. But it's not badass in the typical Hollywood sense. This movie has nothing in common with buddy cop movies of the past, like the Lethal Weapon or Bad Boys films, for instance. And although, those kind of movies have their place, this is a completely different animal. Miami Vice, is dark, grim, gritty, and brutal. Its shot in way that at some points feel almost like an episode of Cops, where a cameraman is just taping the action going on around him. And when characters get shot and killed, it feels visceral and real. The structure of the film too, lends itself to a much realistic feel, as it has no definitive beginning or ending. By that I mean the movie picks up in the middle an operation and ends without tying everything together, almost as though it's sort of a 'day in the life' piece (again like Cops) that gives you a glimpse into the lives of the characters who will go on living their lives long after the end credits roll.

In the end, Miami Vice turned out to be a bit of a conundrum for me. I found it simultaneously disappointing and satisfying. It's definitely worth seeing, but considering Michael Mann's prodigious talents, it could have been better. That said, in the hands of almost any director, it would have been far worse. After all, despite my complaints, I think it's probably the best movie I've seen this summer.

So, while I may still may not believe that there is no such thing as a bad idea, I have come to more fully accept a different adage. The adage is you can't always judge a book by it's cover. Or more appropriately, you can't always judge a movie by it's title. Keep that in mind, next time you're at the cineplex, and you might get a pleasant surprise.