Spies Like Us

So, have you heard the one about the President's Domestic Spying Program? What's that? Oh, I'm sorry, I guess it's the Domestic Surveillance Program, now. What? They changed it again? What's it called now? Oh. That's good. Now it's called the Terrorist Surveillance Program. Right.

Anyway, have you guys heard about this? Apparently, in the months following the Sept. 11 attacks the President authorized the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on US citizens and others inside the country for evidence of terrorist activity. This sounds like a pretty good idea actually. I mean, the country has just been attacked and you want to know when or if it's going to happen again, right? The problem is, though, the NSA has been doing it without warrants.

Now, I'm not going to get into all the details of the FISA Court, how to get warrants, how apparently easy it is to get warrants, or why or why not the President should bother with it. I'm not going to get into it because it would be tedious and boring to anyone reading this, but also because maybe there is a legitimate reason for not getting warrants. Maybe warrant-less wiretaps need to be done to prevent another 9/11. I don't know, because like Congressional Security Council, I was never briefed.

What I do know is that since this domestic surv...er, terrorist surveillance program has come to light, some pretty hilarious things have caught my attention, and I thought that I would share them with you:

The FISA Court has approved at least 18,740 applications for electronic surveillance or physical searches from five presidential administrations since 1979. It has rejected 6. (click here for 2004 chart.)

On April 20, 2004, about 2 1/2 years after starting the domestic spyi...er, terrorist surveillance program, the President said this:
Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires -- a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking about getting a court order before we do so. It's important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution. (to read this in context, visit the White House homepage here.)

In defending the spying program, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said this:
President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance of the enemy on a far broader scale. (I'm not making this up. The Washington Post has the full transcript here.)

See, I told you they were hilarious, especially the last one. I had forgotten all about George Washington's electronic surveillance program that he iniated shortly after Superman was punched back in time and brought electronic listening devices from the future with him (I think I read about it in a comic book.) Honestly, though, my favorite part is that even if all four presidents could have indeed authorized electronic surveillance, it was still before Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act was enacted in 1978. I mean, George Washington would've been spying on people 200 years before it was against the law!

Maybe Gonzalez realized he goofed regarding the whole "electronic" element with regards to the previous presidents, because he went on to say this: "General Washington, for example, instructed his army to intercept letters between British operatives, copy them, and then allow those communications to go on their way." Not that that really strengthens his case any since General Washington wasn't the president, there wasn't a Constitution, and for that matter, there wasn't even a United States of America.

Are these guys even trying anymore? Seriously, I mean is that the best they can do? Are they that incompetent or is it just that nobody is paying attention?

I'm beginning to think that it's all of us who are incompetent. I mean if nobody's calling them on this shit, it's probably because we're too dumb to notice. And if that's the case, we can probably expect more precedents involving time-traveling superheroes and electronic surveillance equipment from the future.

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry...