Citizen Thom

National Lampoon's (California) Vacation Part IV

2007-12-24T10:30:00.001-06:00

Okay, so, I'm finally going to wrap up the end of the little trip Megan and I took out West over a montha ago. I know that I've kind of dragged this out for a while, and truth be told, I probably would have abandoned posting about if the last leg of our trip wasn't so cool. At least we thought so, so I hope that you do too.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 13
Megan and I got up early and regretfully said goodbye to the craziest hotel we've seen, let alone stayed at, so we could make it to San Simeon in time for our 10:20 tour of the Hearst Castle. Now, for those not familiar with the Hearst Castle, this may seem like a pretty odd tourist destination. Especially when you consider that when Megan asked me before our trip what the one thing I wanted to do when we got California was, and I said that we should tour the Hearst Castle.

The reasons I wanted to take the tour are numerous, but basically it all starts with my love of the movie Citizen Kane. The movie was loosely based on the life of newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst (1863-1951), with Orson Welles' Charles Foster Kane standing in for Hearst. The movie even featured a fascimile of the Hearst Castle which they called Xanadu. After seeing Citizen Kane and sunsequent doccumentaries about Hearst, many of which feature the opulance of Hearst Castle, I knew that it would be quite a sight to behold first hand.

The pictures above are two I took from the visitors' center. Before his death, the castle sat on a huge chunk of property that was 250,000 acres in size. Big enough to house Hearst's own private landing strip for his plane, the castle itself, servants quarters, a ranch for the ranchers, cattle, and at one time the world's largest private zoo. Not only does the property still house cattle, but other animals from the zoo also roam the hills to this day, including Roosevelt elk and zebras! The only way allowed to the castle is to take a bus for a 5 mile ride from the visitors' center.

The first stop on the tour is the Neptune Pool which looks out to the mountains of the central coast. One really cool aspect of the design of the pool is that it looks completely level, when in actuality it is 3 ft. deep at one end and 10 ft. deep at the other.

This is the rear entrance to one of the guest houses, the Casa del Sol. This particular guest house overlooked the pool and also connected to the pool's changing rooms. This was one of three guest houses at the castle and with 18 rooms and 2,604 square feet, it's probably bigger than most visitors regular houses.

The front of Casa del Sol.

One of the bedrooms inside Casa del Sol.

This is the exterior and entrance to the main house at the castle, Casa Grande which is 60,645 square feet. To give you some perspective as to how big it actually is on the outside, those crosses at the top are 8 ft. tall. Casa Grande is so big in fact that if you want to see the whole thing, you have to take multiple tours.

Here's a shot of the first of 5 rooms we got to see at in Casa Grande. This one was called the Assembly Room and it was freakin' huge. I don't remember the exact dimensions, but our tour guide said that the square footage for the room itself was bigger than the average four bedroom house. My favorite architectural detail about the room was that the ceiling could be raised and lowered to better suit the artwork on the walls when they were occasionally switched out.

Here's a shot of the Refectory, the only dining room at the castle. Supposedly, newer or favored guests got to sit closer to Hearst. Those he was tired of were seated farther and farther away from him.

This is a detail of the Refectory ceiling.

Here's a shot I stole off of the web of the Billiard Room. Since they don't allow flash photography and there's scaffolding up for restoration they're doing to the ceiling, I couldn't get a decent shot. But I wanted to post it to point out how insanely rich this guy was. That ceiling that they're restoring? It's a15th century ceiling from Barbastro in northeastern Spain which Hearst had shipped over and installed. Think about that. That ceiling dates back to before Columbus "discovered" America and this guy had it put in his house. Normally, that would probably be astounding enough in and of itself, but its even more so when you consider that he ended making it the centerpiece for what basically equates to his "rumpus room."

This is Hearst's private movie theatre. Keeping in mind that its the biggest room in Casa Grande, it kind of puts your home theatre to shame, huh? It actually reminded me somewhat of the old Westroads Theatres inside the mall. Except much, much nicer.

Detail of a statue in the theatre room.

The last stop on the tour was Hearst's indoor pool, or the Roman Pool. This pool was amazing. Ornate and beautiful as it was, it was seldom used as the pool was 10 ft. deep throughout and unfortunately, most people at the time didn't know how to swim. My favorite element was the little alcove you can see in the upper right which was also the diving platform. By the way, just so you know, if it looks like gold at the Hearst Castle, it is. All that gold tile you see in the Roman Pool is tiles of actual 24k gold sandwiched between tiles of clear glass. Megan and are actually thinking of using a similar technique when we remodel our bathroom...

Another shot of the Roman Pool.

And that was it. After taking the bus back to the visitors' center, Megan and I made our way back down the coast, but not before we stopped to check out some seals hanging out on the beach.

I know that they look like they're all dead, but trust me, they were just sunning themselves.

Anyhow, we drove all the way back to LA and stayed at the Holiday Inn by LAX. Our final night was unspectacular, as I'm sure any stay at a Holiday Inn just having finished immersing ourselves in the architecture of the Madonna Inn and the Hearst Castle.

Before I go, though, we have one last picture that I snapped in LAX waiting to board our plane.

Check out the Rear Admiral on the laptop. Only in LA, my friends, only in LA...

LOL KIRBY

2007-12-17T17:57:00.000-06:00

I promise to finish my little Goin' Back to Cali travelogue next time, but Max's post today prompted a quick little aside.

You see, Max is trying to start a new internet meme, akin to LOL CATS (or its' progeny LOL BOTS). This time, instead of taking cutesy pictures of cats out of context and putting funny text over the top, Max wants to use the art of comics icon Jack "The King" Kirby.

I thought the idea was genius, so during my break at work today I threw a couple together for him. Max liked them so much he suggested I post them here, so he could link to them. If you're not familiar with Jack Kirby or LOL CATS you won't get them at all, but trust us, they're hilarious.

National Lampoon's (California) Vacation Part III

2007-12-11T16:52:00.001-06:00

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 12 CONTINUED
I last left off with Megan and I spotting the Madonna Inn from the highway. Once we saw it, we both knew that we had to stay there. First off, it's a hotel built into the side of a mountain. Second, the exterior of the hotel looks like a plantation house designed by way of the Swiss Alps for an Old West cattle rancher. Third, the hotel contains has 109 totally unique rooms, the most famous (according to internet research I conducted after our stay there) of which are the Love Nest and the Caveman Room (which is often booked up a year in advance), but my personal favorite was by far the Cabin Still. And that's just the hotel! The Madonna Inn also has two restaurants (one with a 28-foot golden tree made of copper tubing and other metal leftovers from construction projects), a pastry shop, cocktail lounge, and a convention facility that holds 2,600 people. Finally, there's the 2,200-acres on which it sits that not only features a ranch complete with grazing horses but also the 1,292-foot Cerro San Luis, a mountain whose trails have long been popular with local hikers.

Now that I've begun describing it, I know that there is no way, however, to adequately describe it's lovable, awe-inspiring absurdity. Even Umberto Eco had a hard time in his book Travels in Hyperreality when he gave it a shot: "...the poor words with which natural human speech is provided, cannot suffice to describe the Madonna Inn... Let's say that Albert Speer, while leafing through a book on Gaudi, swallowed an overgenerous dose of LSD and began to build a nuptial catacomb for Liza Minnelli. But that doesn't give you an idea. Let's say ... Chopin's Sonata in B-flat sung by Perry Como in an arrangement by Liberace and accompanied by the Marine Band."

Bel Mooney, writer for London's Guardian newspaper had a similar take and wrote that the hotel "looks like Fred Flintstone got it together with Barbie one night, and - high on a cocktail of mead and pink champagne - scribbled crazy plans on the side of a rock."

Needless to say, the Madonna Inn is like nothing Megan and I had seen before. Knowing that we may not ever have the opportunity to do so again, we booked a room and stayed for the night. Here's what we saw:

Here's the Madonna Inn sign we spotted outside the hotel the night we checked in.

Here's what the Madonna Inn sign looks like in the light of day.

Here's a shot of the hotel itself, along with some grazing horses.

Here's the front desk, with a walkway that connects to the shops and restaurants.

Here's a shot of the interior of the Madonna Inn Steakhouse that we took the morning we left. Note the tasteful and um, understated use of pink. Yeah, that's it tasteful and understated. Anyhow, the use of pink is so prevalent at the Madonna Inn, you'd think they owned stock in the color.

Here's a portion of the Madonna Inn Hotel and Cerro San Luis, the mountain that it's built into.

Here's the staircase leading up to the room where Megan and I stayed.

Here's the view from the parking lot outside our room.

Here's the inside of our room, named Currier and Ives.

Here's a closeup shot of the gold lamé wallpaper and the ridiculous light fixtures in the room.

Here's a shot of the opposite wall of our room. The wall is made or real stone. Note the sparkles in the ceiling as well. And is it just me, but does that flatscreen TV on the left, although welcome, look totally out of place?

Here's the bathroom in our room, which doesn't really come close to capturing it's rococo meets colonial insanity. Note the prints on the wall, which are reproductions of those created by the room's namesakes, 19th Century printmakers Currier and Ives.

Even the ice bucket and wrappers for the glasses are gold and pink!

Here's our room key, stationery, and pen. Note the multiple shades of pink, most of which don't really go together.

Aside from the Madonna Inn, the town of San Luis Obispo also seemed to have a lot offer. Megan and went and strolled around the downtown area which reminded us both of Mass Street in Lawrence quite a bit. Which is probably due to the influence of nearby Cal Poly. After dinner, and a long day spent mostly in the car, we finally made our way back to our bed at the Madonna Inn for some much needed sleep. The next day, however, would mean even more driving as we continued on to the end of our journey North in San Simian.

National Lampoon's (California) Vacation Part II

2007-12-10T08:50:00.000-06:00

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 12
Having hit the Getty and the touristy Hollywood Walk of Fame, we didn't really deem it necessary to spend another night in Los Angeles. So we loaded up the rental and checked out of our room at the Best Western Hollywood Hills Hotel. Our hotel, by the way, had by far, the nicest room I have ever stayed in at a Best Western. I know that may not sound like much of a compliment, but Megan and I stayed at Best Western hotels in both Florence and Venice in Italy, and neither of those matched their Hollywood counterpart's elegance. That said, we were never forced to call the front desk in Italy because 15-20 jackasses decided to form a chorus and start singing Latino pop songs around the pool at 3:00 AM either. To their credit, the front desk squashed the little sing-a-long in a hurry, so I'm not going to hold it against them. Let's just say that I was extra thankful the next morning that the hotel was connected to the 101 Coffee Shop, a somewhat famous LA coffee house. Anyhow, if you ever want to visit Hollywood, I would actually recommend this hotel because it's cheap, the rooms are nice, and its a good location.

Before totally making our exodus from LA, we still had a couple of stops to make. We began by checking out the Los Angeles Farmers Market and having a delicious breakfast there at the Kokomo Kafe, where Megan swears she saw Noah Baumbach. After browsing the shops and stands at the Farmers Market, we did a little shopping at an outstanding outdoor mall right next door called The Grove. Both the Farmers Market and The Grove are definitely worth checking out if you're in the area, especially if you like shopping. And unlike Rodeo Drive, which we cruised through next, you'll actually be able to afford to by stuff there. Since neither of us saw much point in shopping at stores that sell purses that cost more than our cars, we didn't even stop along Rodeo and continued to Santa Monica Pier.

I know that Santa Monica Pier is the West Coast's oldest pier and is designated a National Historic Landmark, but really, it's kind of lame. It's probably a cooler place to be for kids, or if the weather is nice, but since we had neither of these acting in our favor, we were pretty underwhelmed. After we had enough of the cold wind, the fine mist it was nearly soaking us with, and the plethora of annoying tourists, we grabbed some carnival-style snacks for the road, but not before Megan re-lived her favorite scene from Big and made a wish at Zoltar.

Megan must have wished for better weather, because as soon as we got back in the car and began making our way North up the Pacific Coast Highway, the sun came out and it was nice enough to visit a beach in Malibu.

After our relaxing walk along the beach, continued our trip up North. The drive along Pacific Coast Highway was amazing. The highway twists and turns along the coast and offers majestic views of the ocean on one side, with equally captivating views of the mountains and valleys on the other. If you're ever out West, a road trip along the PCH is well worth your time.

As I've been saying, the drive North towards San Simian was spectacular. However, the only real SNAFU we had took place during this portion of our trip. Along the PCH, it seemed like you came across a new town every 5 minutes or so. Seriously, most towns just bled into new ones, with little if any space in between. This seemed pretty logical to me, as everyone knows beachfront property is in such high demand. Needless to say, I wasn't really too concerned about my gas gauge as their seemed to be no shortage of towns to stop and fill up. That is, of course, until it got dark and the fuel light came on. Suddenly, we were miles away from civilization and looked to be in dire straights. The situation got worse, when we saw a sign for a town called Lompoc, which directed us away from the main highway. Seeing little choice, we took the road leading to Lompoc which seemed to lead us only deeper into the mountains. It was only after we had already committed to driving to Lompoc that we were graced with a sign which read Lompoc: 30 Miles. I don't remember ever being so stressed about running out of gas. As we drove up and down the mountain roads, and I watched the gas gauge creep closer and closer to E, Megan and I began taking note of the location of call boxes along the road and how far we were from each one as we passed them. Did I mention I had to pee like a race horse, as well? When we finally saw the lights of Lompoc, I was elated, but pretty certain that if I didn't make the right call on where to actually get gas, we could still stall out in the middle of town. Luckily, I took a quick left, and found a gas station with fuel to spare. Unfortunately, the didn't have a restroom and I had to drive across to the street to a bowling alley. Definitely a harrowing experience, but it was also comforting to find that no matter where you go in this country of ours, bowling alleys are not only a mainstay, but they're also pretty much the same and attract pretty much the same kind of people.

After our little adventure in Lompoc, we took a highway out of town and linked back up with the PCH and once we hit San Luis Obispo, we decided it was time to find a hotel for the night. We hadn't booked a hotel for the night since we were unsure exactly how far North we would get before we wanted to call it a day. Cruising down the highway we passed a Motel 6, which sounded good enough especially considering the Lompoc mishap, but we decided to check out the next couple of exits first. And are we ever glad we did, because just up the road we saw a structure illuminating the night sky that caused us both to exclaim "What was that?!?" What it was, my friends was where we ended up staying the night, a hotel called The Madonna Inn.

Since the Madonna Inn is worthy of a post all it's own, I'll leave my little travelogue here until next time.

National Lampoon's (California) Vacation: Part I

2007-12-06T13:10:00.000-06:00

So, a few weeks ago now, as I alluded to in a previous post Megan and I ventured west to California to attend the wedding of our friends Tim and Shanna. Since we were already spending the money to fly out there, we decided to make a short vacation out of it. Here are some pics from our vacation as well as some stories, descriptions, and snarky comments. Enjoy!

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 9

After a long day of travel, spent in planes and a rental car, we arrived at our hotel in Laguna Beach (The REAL OC). We met up with everybody that was already there and made our way to a local eatery and hung out with everyone over drinks and food. Since very few of us in attendance live in Omaha anymore, it was a nice chance to catch up with the old crew. However, exhaustion due to our long day of travel caused Megan and I to call it an early night, so we didn't get a chance to take any pictures. Instead, here's a picture of our hotel, the Vacation Village to make y'all jealous...

Before you get too jealous, I should point out that it was pretty cool in Laguna Beach when we were there with highs in the 60's. Also, our room was not one with an ocean view, but rather a highway view. So instead of the soothing sounds of the ocean carrying us off to dreamland, we got the not-so-soothing sounds of near constant traffic.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 10

The day of the wedding. Most of the day prior to the big event was spent chill-axin'. We ate some great local fare, having breakfast as a french-style restaurant C'est La Vie and lunch at Taco Loco, walked along the beach, and Megan even got a massage. It was a great dray spent getting some much appreciated down-time.

The wedding itself was beautiful, touching, and even pretty hilarious at times. The ceremony was held intimate open-air space that really made . I wish I got more pictures of the bride and groom, but I never want to be that guy, you know? Anyhow, the reception was also quite the affair, with dinner, dancing, and drinks, in an open-air tent. And the drinks? Complimentary champagne and beer. But not just any beer. Complimentary Stella. That, my friends, is my idea of a reception.

Here's a shot of Ben, Max, Zach, myself, Tim, and Tristan hamming it up old-school for the camera. I tell ya, you can take the boys outta North High, but you can't take North High outta the boys.

Tristan and his daughter Finley. Finley and I share the same birthday, which is cool, but it freaks me out when I think how she's exactly 30 years younger than me.

Ben and me enjoying free drinks and looking damn good doing it.

Megan and Katie on the dancefloor, showing those California girls how its done.

Nate rocking the mic to N2Deep's Back to the Hotel. Nate would only do it if we threw down some scrilla, but it was definitely worth the money. No joke, it was flat-out awesome.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 11

Megan and I said our goodbyes and made our way to LA, and hit the Getty Museum. The museum and grounds are works of art in and of themselves, with a great view of LA and some pretty tasty food as well. So, even if you're not into to art, it's worth checking it out if you're ever in LA. Other than that, we didn't do much in LA on Saturday, other than walk down Hollywood Boulevard (a little too late at night for my comfort level) and have a delicious meal at Prizzi's Piazza. Megan and I highly recommend eating there, if only for the Pane all'Aglio aka Prizzi's famous garlic stix aka heaven. Anyhow, here are some shots of the Getty Center. Note my un-official Husker's "got defense?" shirt. Nebraska represent!

So, that's it for now. I'll be back next time with more pics and stories from our trip.

2007-11-29T16:38:00.000-06:00

In case you haven't heard already, Nebraska Athletic Director Tom Osborne is out looking for a new head coach for the Nebraska football team. Rumors have been flying around all season about exactly who the next coach for Nebraska is going to be. Some say the coach has even already been hired, and still others say that Nebraska had a coach locked up months ago. The fact is, nobody knows for sure what's going on except for Tom Osborne, and he says no one's been hired. And I believe him to be a man of his word, so that leaves everyone to keep speculating on who Tom's going to pick.

During this entire season people have been talking about this subject, but recently it's really picked up steam because the search is now out in the open. Before now, no one was really talking with me about it, but now it seems like everyone is talking with me about it. So, I thought that I would put up the the most popular candidates, and what I see as their pros and cons. Now, keep in my mind, I have no better information than anyone else as to who TO is actually going to pick, and in fact his pick could actually be someone I don't even mention, but since speculating on a new head coach seems to have become the people of Nebraska's new favorite pastime, I'm going to give it a go anyway.

First up is LSU's defensive coordinator Bo Pelini. I'm going to start with him for a couple of reasons. The first is that by far and away he is the current fan favorite pick (astoundingly getting over 60% of the votes in a recent poll conducted by Action 3 News) and is the pick most sports writers and "insiders" seem to think is going to get the job.

Positives:
First off, he was the defensive coordinator for Nebraska and during his one year on the job he took a defensive unit ranked 55th the previous year and turned them into an 11th ranked one. Former Huskers who played with him speak very highly of him, saying that they'd "run through a brick wall for him." Obviously, he's a player's coach, and one that can bring some fire back into Nebraska's defense. Also, having actually coached at Nebraska before, he knows what Nebraska football is all about. Second, Osborne says that he reminds him of a young Bob Devaney. That's pretty high praise coming from TO. Third, he coached Nebraska in it's victory over Michigan State in the 2003 Alamo Bowl. I liked the intensity he showed during that game and in addition that game lead to his being the all-time winningest coach at Nebraska... percentage wise that is, as he is currently 1-0 and therefore has 100% winning percentage as "Head Coach" at Nebraska. Finally, it sounds like he really liked Lincoln and would like to return to the Midwest. If that's true, he would probably stick around at Nebraska for a while.

Negatives:
First, he seems to jump around a lot. Since entering the coaching ranks, the longest he's stayed at any one job is three years. Combine this with the fact that he played for Ohio State and was a team captain there, and the fact that he's still only in his 30s, and it makes me think that he might not view Nebraska as a place where he would finish his career. Also, supposedly he hates recruiting, which is something that is very important for school stuck in the middle of the country where it can get really, really cold. Cold weather is definitely something those kids from recruiting hotbeds like Florida, California, and Texas don't like too much. Third, he's pretty rough around the edges and can come off as egocentric and abrasive. Fans, boosters, and players may like his intensity on the sidelines, but very few people have good things to say about him outside the football field. Fourth, he's a defense-minded guy. I know that this ultimately could work in Nebraska's favor, but the Cornhuskers just got rid of a coach that apparently only focused on one side of the game. I guess that would make Pelini sort of the anti-Callahan, but it still makes me a little leery of a coach with a possible one-track mind Finally, and most importantly, he has yet to truly be a head coach. Yes, I just said he coached Nebraska in one game as an interim head coach, but he's never been hired into that position.

Verdict:
I like Pelini, I really do. I would have taken him as Nebraska's head coach in a heartbeat after Frank Solich was fired. But right now, as far as the candidates that are out there being talked about, he's the one I like the least. I just don't see Nebraska being a job for a first time head coach. I know that it worked for Nebraska before with Tom Osborne and that Oklahoma struck gold with Bob Stoops, but for where Nebraska is right now, it seems like too big of a gamble.

Next up is the head football coach of the Buffalo Bulls, Turner Gill. Like Pelini, he's another fan favorite and one with even stronger Nebraska ties.

Positives:
First off, unlike Bo Pelini, he's a head coach. He's actually put on a headset and called the plays. It also means that you can take a look at what he's done so far and see what he's capable of. Second, he's actually winning games at Buffalo. Buffalo. Some may look at the Bulls' 5-7 record and wonder what the big deal is, but as Lee Corso recently said, if you can win at Buffalo, you can win at Ethiopia. If you think he's joking, consider the fact that prior to this season, the Bull's won just 8 games in the previous 8 years. And those 5 wins? Well, they were enough to claim a share of the regular season MAC title Third, aside from being the head coach, Gill also served as the Bulls' offensive coordinator and directed an offense that scored 291 points. That total is the most in Buffalo's I-A history and just 28 points short of their all-time school record. Also, Buffalo had eight players selected to the All-MAC team after having just seven total in their first eight years of conference play. Fourth, Turner Gill was named the MAC Coach of the Year. Not only was he able to accomplish that in just his second year as a head coach, but take a look at the names of some of the award's previous winners: Frank Solich, Gary Pinkle, Jim Grobe, and Urban Meyer. Pretty impressive company. Finally, and most importantly, Gill bleeds Husker Red. As a former player and someone who is very close to Tom Osborne, the job of head coach of Nebraska would be a dream come true for him. If Nebraska would let him, he would stay on the sidelines until he died or retired, whichever comes first.

Negatives:
In a word: inexperience. I know that it may seem like I'm contradicting myself here, but while he may be a head coach, he is at Buffalo and it's only his second year. Again, I know that Nebraska feels burned by going outside of the family for the last coach, but strong consideration should really be given to coaches with longer track records. Yes, he's been able to win at Buffalo, but he's only been on the job for 2 years and, ultimately, he still has a losing record.

Verdict:
While I actually like him better than Pelini as the choice for next head coach, it's not by much. If it was a couple more years down the road and Gill was still winning at Buffalo, I'd probably be ecstatic about the prospect of him being Nebraska's next head coach. But, as it stands right now, I'm just not sure that Turner is ready to take that next step and coach one of the elite programs in college football.

Third on the list is Wake Forest Head Coach Jim Grobe. His name is also one that most media "experts" have linked to Nebraska's current coaching search, along with Gill and Pelini.

Positives:
He's a head coach with a proven track record. Not only has been working as a head coach since the 1995 season, but he's been such a good one he was named Coach of the Year by the Associated Press in 2006. Second, he build teams and then wins where people aren't supposed to win. He began his head coaching career at Ohio University, who was 0-11 the year before he took the reigns and he turned them into a team that for his six years there had a .500 record. Again, that might not sound impressive, but when you consider that in the 10 years before Grobe arrived, Ohio won a total of 17 games, that should put his record of 33-33-1 into perspective. Grobe left Ohio after the 2000 season to jump-start another program at Wake Forest. Last year, Wake finished with an 11-3 record and were ACC champs. Aside from the fact that nobody wins as head coach of Wake Forest's football team, the most impressive thing about their 2006 record was that they lost their starting quarterback for the year in their season-opener and as a result had to totally retool their offense from an option-rushing attack to a more downfield passing offense better suited for their backup QB. Did I mention that Wake Forest has mere 5000 students? In other words this guy can win with the talent available and is able to coach to their strengths. Third, he has continuity with his staff. Not only has he kept pretty much all of his same assistants since his days at Ohio, but in his seven seasons at Wake Forest, only two assistants have left the program. Finally, at 55, it's possible to see Nebraska as a place where he finishes out his career.

Negatives:
While he's won games at place you aren't supposed to, his overall record is still 77-71-1, not something most fans and boosters are going to get too excited about. Another strike against him would be money. In February, Grobe signed a 10-year extension with Wake Forest. This would mean that should Nebraska decide to hire him, they would have to put up about $2 million buy him out of his contract, and that's before they even decide on his actually salary. One final negative might actually be the continuity I praised earlier. Since he takes such pride in the cohesion of his staff, it seem unlikely that there would be any room for keeping Shawn Watson or more importantly for getting back Marvin Sanders.

Verdict:
After just buying out Pederson, Callahan, and his staff coupled with the fact that Tom Osborne might be a little stingy when it comes to how much he thinks a head coach at Nebraska should be paid, I think his price tag is probably too high. Would I like to see him as Nebraska's next head football coach? Hell, yes. Of the top 3 candidates the media is talking about for the job, I like him the best. I just don't think he'll get the nod.

Finally, we come to a guy that's flying under the radar a little bit and that's Navy's Paul Johnson. I say flying under the radar, because while his name has been listed as a possible candidate, it's not one that anyone has reported that has actually been contacted by Nebraska.

Positives:
He's a coach that knows how to win, and not just win but win national championships. Granted, he's won his championships at the Division I-AA level, but they're still national championships, and he was able to win two in a row in 1999 and 2000. Second, he's winning at Navy. The 2 seasons previous to his taking over as head coach, Navy had gone 1-20, since his arrival the Midshipmen have reached their highest level of success in the modern era. They've had 5 straight winning seasons, 5 consecutive bowl berths and 10 straight victories against the other with five straight winning seasons, five consecutive bowl berths, and 10 straight victories against the other service academies, Army and Navy. But Johnson's success at Navy has been historic as well. He coached his 2004 squad to 10 wins, the most ever in a season at Navy since 1905 and Navy's win against Army on December 1, marks the first time ever either team has beaten the other 6 times in a row. That 10 win season, by the way, lead to his being named NCAA Coach of the Year. His success at Navy is made all the more impressive when you consider it's nearly impossible to recruit at a school where after graduation, you go straight into the service for 5 years. Third, the guy adjusts his offense to match his talent. As offensive coordinator at Hawaii he called the plays that set all the school's passing records until June Jones took over and the Rainbows' offense broke or equaled more than 160 school records overall during his tenure. At Navy, Johnson runs the triple option, which is an almost exclusively run-oriented offense. Finally, there's his record. The guy is 106-39 as a head coach.

Negatives:
I'm almost at a loss here, because I think that Paul Johnson would be a great pick. I guess that you could say that he's never coached at a school on the same level as Nebraska, but honestly, to that I say think about what he could do with the talent at a school like Nebraska. His age at 50, might be a cause for some concern, as he's young enough to possibly leave to coach elsewhere. The counter to that is that he's also old enough to finish his career at Nebraska, Also, there's his offense, and the possibility that he may try to run the triple option at Nebraska, which again, would probably depend on which offense the players would be best suited for. Honestly, the biggest strike against him in my mind is that no coach is guaranteed to be a success at Nebraska.

Verdict:
Paul Johnson is definitely my top choice for next head coach at Nebraska.

All right, there you have it.. I've definitely let this go on for way too long, but before I go, I want to say one thing: Tom Osborne knows way more than me. Whatever decision he makes, I feel will be the right one. Whoever he picks, I will get behind them 100%.

So, if it's Bo Pelini, as both ESPN and The Sporting News are reporting, expect to see me rocking a "Bo Knows Football" t-shirt some time soon.

ABC, Easy As 5-7

2007-11-28T07:22:00.000-06:00

Well, after finishing the season 5-7, the Huskers will miss the post-season for the second time in 4 years, thanks to Bill Callahan. Before he got here, Nebraska went to bowl games for 35 years straight, and since he got here they stayed home for the holidays twice. And there are actually people out there that think he should have been given one more year, one more chance, to turn this thing around. I don't know about you, but when Tom Osborne, the King of Giving People Second Chances says no, well, I'm going to have to agree with him.

In many ways, the Cornhuskers' final game this season, in which they lost to the Colorado Buffaloes 65-51, was a microcosm of the whole season. At times things were clicking, as evidenced by the 11-point lead at halftime and the 610 yards of total offense and 51 points put up by the Huskers. But just when you started to feel good about things, they started playing like crap, got into a funk, and couldn't figure out a way get it back together. And the defense? Well, they managed to give up the most points that Colorado has ever scored against Nebraska. Not that I should put that all on the defense, because if Nebraska had actually tried to run the ball in the second half, Colorado wouldn't have got a couple of interceptions that ultimately cost Nebraska the game.

By the way, can Nebraska fans please stop wondering whether or not the Colorado game is a rivalry game? Look, I know that Oklahoma is supposed to be Nebraska's rival, but they don't even play each other every year any more. The Colorado game is the last game of the season and as such can often make or break a possible run for a championship by either team. Hell, this year it decided which team got to go to bowl game and which team would have a regular season losing record. And for everyone who claims that Nebraska has pretty much owned the series in recent years, you should reconsider what you to mean by own. If you look back 20 years and start at the 1988 season, sure Nebraska has won more games splitting the series 13-7. But, Colorado did win 2 years in a row from 1989-1990, and tied (remember those?) in 1991 and then won two years in a row again from 2001-2002. Don't forget either that CU pounded Nebraska 62-36 in 2001, which at the time was the most points ever allowed by Nebraska. And of those 13 wins Nebraska has had over Colorado since '88, seven of them were by 7 points or less, and the 1999 game went into overtime. So, don't tell me it's not a rivalry. It is. Deal with it.

Back to last week's game, all I can say is at least it's over. The game, the miserable season, Bill Callahan's career as Nebraska football's head coach. Yes, Bill Callahan is gone. Finally. And as I predicted, his fate had nothing to do with the outcome of the Colorado game. Tom Osborne had pretty much decided Callahan was gone after the Huskers lost their 5th game this year. So, now, maybe instead of chastising Bill Callahan for coaching the Huskers to just their second losing season since 1961, we should actually thank him.

After all, not only did he get himself fired, but thanks to him, we got rid of Steve Pederson, got Tom Osborne back, got fans to appreciate 9 win seasons, and will hopefully get a new head coach who understands what Nebraska football is all about. Scratch that. With Tom Osborne doing the hiring, we will get a new head coach that understands what Nebraska football is all about.

So, as much as I hate to see the Cornhuskers lose, Nebraska may have just won by losing. Unfortunately, we'll probably have to wait until next September 20, when Nebraska plays Virginia Tech to find out. That's 297 days and counting. And believe me, I am.

Are you ready for some football?

Bush League

2007-11-15T13:15:00.000-06:00

"WTF?!?"

That was Max's text reply when I sent him a text message from the Getty Center in LA with the final score of Nebraska's 73-31 total ass-kicking of Kansas State. Since we were both in California, neither of us were able to watch the game, but I think that Max's response pretty much summed up how every Husker fan felt about the game. Nobody, and I mean nobody, saw this coming. Sure, I predicted a win over K-State, but 73 points? After giving up 76 the previous week to Kansas?

Mindblowing.

I still have yet to watch the game, and believe me, I'm going to, but the more I read about it, the more I don't like it. Now, don't get me wrong, there was a lot to like about this game. For starters, I like seeing the Huskers win. Especially after they went winless the entire month of October, and I especially like a win over Kansas State. I also like the fact that the seniors were able to win at home on Senior Day. And how about finally getting a kick return for a touchdown? Courtney Grixby's 94-yard return was the first in a decade. Think about that, the last time Nebraska ran a kickoff back for a touchdown was the same year they won their last national title. Finally, there's Joe Ganz. The kid completed 75% of his passes, threw for 510 yards and 7 touchdowns, and had no interceptions. That's freaking amazing. He played out of his mind and was rewarded by being named the Big XII Offensive Player of the Week. Like I said, all of that is great, but did Coach Callahan really need to run up the score like that?

Seriously, going for it on 4th and 20 from K-State's 46? That's fine when the game is on the line and you're driving to stay in the game, but when it's in the third quarter and you already have a commanding lead, that's not cool. That's bush league. I can't stand it when coaches run up the score. It's classless. I didn't like when Mangino's Jayhawks did it to Nebraska last week, I didn't like it when Pinkel's Tigers faked a field goal against Nebraska earlier this year, and I especially don't like it when Nebraska does it.

Now, there are those out there that say that Nebraska has always run up the score. That running up the score, especially under Head Coach Tom Osborne, is the definition of Nebraska football. To that I call bullshit. For one thing Nebraska ran the football. Late in the game, they would pull their starters and just keep grinding away. Sure, the scores often ended up lopsided, but that's because no one could stop them. What was Osborne supposed to do? Start taking a knee in the third quarter? I'm sorry, but that would be way more embarrassing to a team. Besides, how many times did an Osborne-coached squad hang 70 plus on another team? Okay, it was 12 times, but I guarantee you the starting quarterback wasn't throwing touchdown passes in the 4th quarter and that the starting running back wasn't still in the game with 4 minutes to go so they could score another touchdown to go up by 49 points. In fact, the last quarterback I remember throwing a touchdown pass in the fourth quarter in 70-point Huskers blowout was Matt Turman in a 77-28 drubbing of Arizona State in 1995. Matt Turman. The 5'11", 165 lb, third-string quarterback. It's hard to buy that Osborne was running up the score intentionally with someone like that in at quarterback.

In a lot of ways, I'm still thankful for what happened on Saturday. I'm thankful that Nebraska' streak of having a winning record at home remained intact. At least there was one streak that Callahan didn't manage to break. But mostly I'm thankful for Callahan acting like a complete douchebag before, during, and after the game. From running up the score, to walking off the field alone and not joining his players in singing the school song with the band (a tradition that he and former Athletic Director Steve Pederson started, by the way), to putting all the credit for the win in his system as opposed to the players, to having his agent tell us to "go study soil or something," he truly showed me his true colors. Before the Kansas State game, I felt bad for him, because his offense looked good enough to win more games than they did, but didn't because the defense was just so god awful. But now, thanks to his complete and utter douche-iness, I can watch him get fired after the Colorado game without a twinge of regret, a job which Callahan also made easier for Tom Osborne to do. For that, both Tom and I will probably be eternally grateful, so thanks again, Bill.

Win or lose, the Colorado game looks to be Bill Callahan's last as the head coach at Nebraska. Hopefully, the players come out and play like they did against K-State and they can manage to not have a losing season. Unlike Callahan, I'm putting this all on the players, because if they win, it will not be because of anything the Nebraska coaches do, it will be in spite of it.

Go Big Red.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

2007-11-07T15:08:00.000-06:00

Since I'm getting a little tired of writing essentially the same post week after week, and because I'm going to LA tomorrow I'm going to try and keep this one brief.

Now, I love the Kansas Jayhawks. As a graduate from KU, they will always hold a special place in my heart, especially the basketball team. When it comes to football, I still love them, but they will never supersede my first, true football love, the Nebraska Cornhuskers. I know that some people don't understand this, especially my college friends, but I was practically born a Husker football fan, and four years of my life spent at KU did nothing to change that.

The best analogy I can come up with would be to compare the love you have for a blood relative to the love you have for a cousin or nephew. You could love that cousin or nephew as deeply as possible, maybe even go to their sporting events and cheer them on until you lose your voice. But if that cousin or nephew played against your brother or child, who do you think that you'd root for? Well, the Huskers are in my blood, and I can't root against blood... except during basketball season.

Which brings me to one of my least favorite statistics about Bill Callahan's tenure as head coach of the Nebraska football team. Before he became the head coach, Nebraska had not lost to KU in football in 36 years. Since he became coach, they've lost to them twice, the most recent loss coming last Saturday. And if that's not bad enough, Kansas won the game 76-39. That's 76 points! The most ever scored against Nebraska. Ever! To top it all off, the previous record for most points allowed by Nebraska was also set by a Callahan coached team, when Nebraska lost to Texas Tech 70-10 in 2004.

Yup, the hits just keep on coming. I just want this awful, embarrassment of a season to end. Bring on basketball, so I can root on my Jayhawks in earnest.

Hope Is A Four-Letter Word

2007-10-30T13:33:00.000-05:00

So, the Huskers lost again on Saturday. And once again, the loss was a painful one to watch. This time, however, the pain came in a different form from the previous losses this season. This time instead of coming from seeing my favorite team get embarrassed on the football field, the pain came from the Huskers completely owning #17 Texas for three quarters, only to come up short in the final 15 minutes.

What the hell? Seriously, no one, and I mean no one saw this coming. The Huskers were up 10-3 at the half, then came out on the opening drive of the third quarter and punched Texas in the mouth with a 5 play, 80 yard-touchdown drive that took just 2 minutes and 28 second! They were beating Texas 17-3! WTF?!? Up until that point, I was purposely not letting myself start believing that they could win, but that did it. I started to believe. Which was a mistake, because what happened next became all the more painful to watch as reality finally set in and Texas scored 25 straight points in the final 20 minutes and went on to win 28-25.

How did Texas pull this off? Well, for starters, they pulled their collective head out of their collective ass and finally went to the zone read which Missouri and Texas A&M used so successfully against the Nebraska defense. And guess what? It worked just as well for Texas as it did for them. Texas Running Back Jamaal Charles rushed for 216 yards and three touchdowns in the fourth quarter alone. One guy, 216 yards, in one quarter. Which brings me to the second reason Texas was able to come back and win. You see, while Texas made adjustments, once again Nebraska didn't. And once again, their inability to make adjustments lost them the game.

Sigh.

I wish that I could say that this game made me feel better about this Nebraska squad. After all, the defense looked completely different for most of the game. They were blitzing and playing with a fire and enthusiasm that I haven't seen all season, not to mention the fact that they kept Texas out of the endzone for three quarters. Marlon Lucky looked great running the football for the first time since Nebraska played Nevada, and against Texas no less. Sam Keller went 23 of 35 for 298 yards with 2 TD's with no interceptions. Hell, even the offensive line looked good for once, blocking and creating huge lanes for Marlon Lucky. There was plenty to be impressed by. But like I said, this game did not make me feel any better for my Huskers, if anything it made me feel worse.

Some may wonder why I would take no pleasure in a close loss to a ranked opponent. Well, for starters, they still lost. Second, despite an inspired defensive performance, they still gave up 545 yards. Third, it was week 9 people! Week 9! If Nebraska played Texas to open Big XII play and played like this, I would have had a totally different reaction, but this game just added to another loss in a four game slide. The first 4 game slide Nebraska has had in 46 years, by the way, since the Huskers went 3-6-1 under head coach Bill Jennings in 1961. Yay! Another record broken!

And speaking of broken records, the Nebraska needs to keep the average yards given up to opponents to under 288 yards in their next three games, or they will break the NCAA record for most yards allowed by a team in one season. In other words, they're just 863 yards away from breaking that record. And with a defense that's on average giving up 467.1 yards per game and is ranked 119th out of 119 Division I teams against the run, that record is almost certainly a forgone conclusion.

The only good news for Husker fans, really, is that Nebraska has talent. There have been those out there saying that the reason why Nebraska has been so bad this year is that their players just weren't that good. Well, guess what? They matched up pretty freakin' well against Texas, arguably one of the best teams in country as far as raw, physical talent is concerned. The bad news? Well, Husker fans are going to have to wait until next year to see what a new coaching staff can do with that talent.

That's right, a new coaching staff. After Saturday's loss, there is no way Callahan and Company are sticking around next year. No way. Even if they win out. This season has been ugly and embarrassing, and after the Colorado game, Athletic Director Tom Osborne will finally, mercifully, pull the plug. Unfortunately, there's still 3, maybe 4 games left this season. And I, for one, can not wait for the end of what has quite possibly become the longest season of college football ever.

At least, as Cubs fans are fond of saying, there's always next year.

Change Is Good: Part I

2007-10-25T09:54:00.000-05:00

So, I'm pretty certain that all 3 of you who actually read my blog are probably hankering for at least one post that changes the topic from the Nebraska football to something else. Maybe something, dare I say, positive. So, in that spirit, I've decided to list a few people, characters, or things that my opinion on has changed on recently, for the better.

1. McG

For those not familiar with McG, or who might think he's a rapper or something, he's actually a Hollywood producer/director Joseph McGinty Nichol. He started out as a video director, directing videos for such music luminaries as The Offspring, Sugar Ray, and Smashmouth. He later moved on to film, directing movies like Charlie's Angles, We Are Marshall, and Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, all of which were totally overlooked by the Motion Picture Academy when they were handing out Oscar nominations... and with good reason.

Okay, okay, all snarkiness aside, I'll admit I actually enjoyed Charlie's Angels movies, and not just because of Cameron Diaz's dance routines. They were dumb, loud, bubblegum movies that also happened to be a lot of fun. That said, I didn't walk away from it thinking: "That McG is one fine director. I expect BIG things from him in the future!" Let's just say I looked at him like Micahel Bay-Lite, and was more than relieved when he was passed over as director for Superman Returns.

And guess what? My opinion of his skill as director hasn't changed that much, if at all. So why have I listed him as someone for whom my opinion has changed for the better? Well, because I think that now that he's directing and producing for TV, his style and sensibilities are actually working for him, not against him. Case in point is NBC's new series Chuck.

McG is the executive producer and creative force of the show and even directed the pilot. Chuck is a quirky, little action-comedy of a show that's a little hard to boil down in a concise description, but I'm going to try anyway. Here goes: The title character, Chuck Bartowski, is a computer-geek who works for the Nerd Herd at a Best Buy-type store by day, and is a reluctant and pretty inept super-spy by night, all because he had an entire computer full of government secrets uploaded into his brain. Chuck is joined in his adventures by hard-nosed NSA agent Major John Casey and smokin' hot CIA agent Sarah Walker (who, by the way, kicks ass nearly every episode in a very Charlie's Angels-esque manner). Both agents are there to protect Chuck and make sure that nothing happens to the valuable information contained in his head... or are they?

Essentially, the show is like a slightly smarter, slightly more mature Charlie's Angels movie, condensed down to 45 minutes every week. In other words, it's a fun, loud, bubblegum series, that actually has some pretty decent satire and character interaction going on. Sure, it may not be the greatest show on TV, but Megan and I watch it every week, and I think that Chuck also deserves props for being unlike any other show on TV right now, combining humor, action, espionage, and even a little sci-fi. After all, the last thing this world needs is another How I Met Your Mother. And hey, don't just take my word for it, after all, it's MetaScore is a pretty high 74 and the Chicago Sun-Times called it: "Cute, creative and slick, this is one of the best new shows of the fall season."

So, like I said, I'm really having a lot of fun with the show, and (I can't believe that I'm saying this) I actually hope McG comes back to the director's chair for a couple more episodes, as so far, none of the subsequent episodes have quite matched the pilot's stellar visuals and laugh-out-loud hilarity. Seriously, the pilot features a scene with a ninja trying to steal Chuck's computer that made me laugh so hard, it required repeated viewings. So, keep up the good work McG, and while I think that making a fourth Terminator movie is a horrible, horrible idea, because of you recent good work on Chuck, I promise not to hate it before I actually see it.

Anyhow, in case you haven't been watching Chuck, you can catch up at NBC's website where you can stream each of the previous episodes for free! As for me, I'll be back next time to big up some more people and things that have managed to change my opinion for the better.

Broken Record

2007-10-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

I'll be the first to admit that my posts may becoming a bit like a broken record, repeating the complaints about the Cornhusker football team and how they keep losing over and over again. But there are different kinds of records, as well, and Bill Callahan has broken his share as head coach of the Nebraska football team. Here are some of the "highlights:"

-In 2004 the Huskers went 5-6, giving Nebraska their first losing season since 1961.

-2004 also saw the end of Nebraska's streak of going to bowl games for 35 straight years. Which just happened to be an NCAA record, by the way.

-The Cornhuskers' 70-10 blowout loss to Texas Tech in 2004 was the worst defeat in Nebraska football history.

-During their 35-17 win over Iowa State, ISU got off 102 offensive snaps, the most ever against Nebraska.

-This year's 45-14 loss to Oklahoma State was the worst home loss for Nebraska since 1958.

-So far this season Nebraska has given up 40 or more points in three games for the first time since 1943. They are on pace to become Nebraska's worst defense statistically since 1948.

-Currently Nebraska ranks 105th in total defense, giving up an average of 457.38 per game. If that average stands at the end of the season, it will be a school record.

Quite an impressive list, huh? Guess what? Callahan broke another streak this weekend that you won't be reading about anywhere else. I've been going to Nebraska games since I was about 5 or 6-years-old. And while I've lost count as to exactly how many games I've been to, I know that I've been, on average around 1 game a year. Some years I went more than once, and others I didn't go at all, so according to my estimates, going into Saturday's game the Huskers were 26-0 when I've been in attendance. Turns out even whatever weird mojo was keeping me from witnessing a Husker loss in person ran out this last Saturday as I sat in Memorial Stadium and witnessed first-hand Nebraska's 14-36 loss to Texas A&M.

Oh yeah, Texas A&M also broke a little streak of its own on Saturday. A&M's victory not only snapped a five-game losing string in Lincoln, but it was also their first win at Memorial Stadium in 52 years.

Sigh.

This entire year I've been calling for Defensive Coordinator Kevin Cosgrove's head, as the defense has just been embarrassing (as you can see from some of the stats above and in a previous post). But, now, I'm going to have to say that it's probably time for Coach Bill Callahan to start looking for another job as well.

Here's the deal: up until now, I've tried to be supportive of Callahan, and it hasn't been easy. It's hard to support a program and it's head coach when they're losing. It's also easy to jump on a bandwagon trying to run a guy out of town when he isn't performing. That said, he's the head coach of Nebraska, and as such, I want to see him be successful. But more than that, I like the guy personally. I like his demeanor and despite a couple of missteps (the throat-slash, calling Oklahoma fans a "bunch of f****ing hillbillies," and calling Tom Osborne a "crusty, old f****"), I think he's a pretty classy guy. I mean, let's be honest, nobody is perfect and we've all done or said things in the heat of the moment that we wish we could take back. I've also said repeatedly that if Callahan can win at least 9 games this season, he deserves to keep his job for at least one more year. On Saturday, I changed my mind.

Before you starting thinking I changed my mind because Callahan broke my personal Husker streak, let me tell you straight up that's not the case. I just think that last Saturday's game proved that Callahan and his staff are incapable of turning this team around and are probably incapable of coaching at the college level. This has probably been evident for a while now, but for some reason, be it my optimism, my love of Nebraska football, or because I wanted to be sure to give Bill Callahan a fair chance (at least 5 years) to make his program work, I couldn't allow myself to see it. Saturday opened my eyes, and here are 3 reasons I finally saw the light:

-First, until Nebraska went 6-6 in the regular season during Frank Solich's second to last year as head coach, Nebraska hadn’t lost four games in a season once since 1968. Since Callahan became head coach they've gone 5-6, 8-4, 9-5, and Saturday's loss to A&M put Nebraska at 4-4 so far this year. That's 4 or more losses a year, every year under Callahan.

-Second, Nebraska is 0-16 when trailing at the half under Callahan. Even this last Saturday, when Nebraska was down by just 2 points, trailing A&M 14-16 at the half, Nebraska couldn't make any adjustments to come back and win. Not only did Nebraska give up 20 points in the second half on Saturday, but the offense got shutout after halftime. In fact, Nebraska has been outscored 49-0 in the third quarter in its four losses this season. And Guess what? It gets worse. Callahan not only has problems when trailing at the half, but he's 1-8 over the last nine games and 3-15 overall when trailing after the first quarter. I'm sorry, but the man and his staff simply seem incapable of making adjustments. That's just bad coaching, plain and simple.

-Third, Callahan kept Cosgrove as his defensive coordinator. I have repeatedly enumerated Cosgrove's flaws on this blog, but when it comes down to it, Callahan is the head coach and so he has to take his share of the blame for keeping Cosgrove on his staff. Again, say what you will about the talent level of the defense, but I was at the game on Saturday, and I place the blame for the poor defensive performance solely on the shoulders of the coaching staff. Nebraska got shredded by the option and gave up 167 rushing yards to A&M's quarterback Stephen McGee (which was a career-high for McGee, by the way). The thing is, being at the game, I saw the defense play with an intensity I have not seen in a long, long time, but they were never in a formation that lent itself to stopping the option. Never, not once, did Nebraska put 8 or 9 guys in the box. In fact, during one series, A&M was at 3rd and 2 inside the 20. Nebraska went with a pass coverage formation, and my mom turned to me and said: "What are they doing? The quarterback is going to run it. You know the quarterback is going to run it." Guess what? My mom was right. McGee ran it. They got the first down. Then, a couple of plays later, they scored. Now, if my freakin' mom can tell you that the defense isn't lined up how they should be, what does that say about the coaches? Un-freakin'-believable.

So, there you have it, I've officially jumped on the "Fire Bill Callahan" Bandwagon. However, unlike local columnists Tom Shatel and Steve Sipple I do not want him gone today. Not only would that be unfair to his players, but to be honest, I would like to see him go out a winner. In fact, I would like nothing more than to see him win his last 4 games and have a regular season record of 8-4. If he could do that, go on to a bowl and win, he'd finish the season 9-4. 9-4 ain't bad. Heck, it was good enough for head coach Bob Devaney to keep his job after the '68 season (and coincidentally, go on to win back-to-back National titles in '70 and '71). The thing is, I don't see that happening. And even if I did, Callahan has successfully put together a great list of reasons of why he shouldn't keep his job, and they go way beyond whether he can have a winning season or not.

However, despite the fact that I no longer want him as head coach for my favorite team, I will be cheering for Bill Callahan and the Huskers from in front of my TV this Saturday as they take on Texas. After all, even though I think we should break up, I'm going to do my part keep this from getting any uglier. Let's just hope that Coach Callahan does the same. And at the risk of truly becoming a broken record, I'm sure I'll have something to say about the game afterwards as well.

...And at the risk of truly becoming a broken record, I'm sure I'll have something to say about the game afterwards as well.

Restoring The Order

2007-10-17T11:03:00.000-05:00

...and he's back. The man who coached Nebraska football teams to 5 National Championship Games. The man whose Huskers teams won 3 National Titles. The College Football Hall of Fame coach who never won less than 9 games as head coach at Nebraska. Ladies and gentleman, Tom Osborne is back at the University of Nebraska.

True, he's not back as head coach, but he is back nonetheless. And he's in a place where, right now, he can do the most good for Cornhusker football. After all the weirdness surrounding the firing of former Athletic Director Steve Pederson on Monday, University of Nebraska Chancellor Harvey Perlman needed to find someone to fill the position quickly, but he also needed someone that people could rally around bring some credibility back to the program. Thankfully, having lost his bid for governor, Tom Osborne was available. Under Steve Pederson's tenure as athletic director, Nebraska fans had started to lose hope. When Perlman fired Pederson, a little of that hope came back. Now, Husker fans have something more than hope in their newly-appointed interim AD: now they have Tom Osborne.

Sure, there are naysayers out there already. People have been quick to point out that Osborne carries at least some of the blame for Nebraska's current football woes, as he was the one who entrusted the program to Frank Solich, encouraged Solich to retain most of Osborne's staff, and who also played a role in getting Steve Pederson installed as AD in the first place. Others complain that putting in a football guy as AD will hurt the other sports programs and that when former Nebraska football coach Bob Devaney was director, programs like baseball languished. To those naysayers I ask this question: who else would have been a better choice to replace Pederson?

Seriously, Jesus himself could have returned from Heaven and Nebraska fans would have been less united behind him. I mean, come on! First of all there's the question of whether all the Jewish fans would get behind Jesus, not to mention all the Muslims, Buddhists, Taoists, and the like. Besides, what does Jesus know about running an athletic department? I've heard he's a big soccer fan, but from what I hear, he doesn't know much about football x's and o's (other than that he's a big fan of the "Hail Mary"). Not to mention that deep down, he's a Notre Dame fan, what with the "Touchdown Jesus" mural and all. And is that really who we want in charge of Nebraska athletics?

In all seriousness, Tom Osborne is once again the right man at the right time. As I said before, the instant he was named as interim AD he brought instant credibility back to the Nebraska football program. To the fans he's not only a familiar face, but a trusted and revered one. There's a reason, after all, Memorial Stadium's field is now named after him. And to the boosters who felt increasingly distanced and dismayed because of Pederson? Well, other than Dan Cook (as in "Cook Pavilion"), I have a hard time believing they won't be lining up to make donations to Ol' Tom. For that matter, I'm pretty sure Mr. Cook would pick up the phone if TO were to give him a call.

So, the future of Nebraska football looks to be in pretty good shape... in the long term. Unfortunately, from having watched every Nebraska game but one (and even that one I listened to), I think it will take more than a new athletic director (even Jesus) to salvage this season. I hope I'm wrong. There's a reason they don't give out the National Championship Trophy at the beginning, or even the middle, of the season, after all. The Huskers, theoretically, could still win the rest of their games, win the Big XII North, win the Big XII Championship, go to BCS Bowl, and even win that. The fan in me wants that to happen. But the realist in me has a hard time seeing Nebraska win just 2 more games to remain bowl-eligible.

Does that mean I'm giving up on my beloved Huskers? Hell, no. I'm no fairweather fan, my friends. In fact, I'm going to Lincoln to cheer on Nebraska as they play Texas A&M on Saturday. Besides, even though things are stormy now, with TO back in the building, the forecast is looking up.

Lame Duck

2007-10-16T10:29:00.000-05:00

One of the pluses of working at a news station is that whenever there's a big news event, I always get a front row seat. Yesterday, I was able to sit with several of my co-workers and watch University of Nebraska Chancellor Harvey Perlman's press conference about the firing of Athletic Director Steve Pederson. And, I've got to tell you, as weird as the whole thing still is to me, I feel a little bit better about the whole thing.

In my last post I admitted that Pederson may come across as an arogant ass and that I hoped the reason that he was being fired was not just about the football team. And maybe it was just lip service, but Chancellor Perlman said that while the football team's poor performance played a small factor (mostly because it emboldened people working under Pederson to step forward), the reason Pederson was fired was because of his poor management style. If you read between the lines, Perlman was saying that Pederson was fired because, well, he was an arrogant ass.

The most surprising revelation of the press conference, for me at least, was that Perlman had made the decision to fire Pederson last Thursday, but wanted to wait until after Saturday's game so as not to negatively affect it's outcome. As it turns out, it wouldn't have made much difference.

I'm sure that most Nebraska football fans are happy to see Pederson go, but I sincerely doubt that it will have much of an affect on the performance of this year's team. If anything, the fact that the coaching staff is almost certainly now a "lame duck" one will probably make them even worse. I know that's almost impossible to imagine for most Husker fans, but a 4-8 season is looking more and more like a reality. In fact, the only plus I see in Pederson being let go now, is that fans will keep coming to games, which up until yesterday was in serious doubt. Nebraska fans wanted to see some sign that steps were being taken to turn this team around, and while it may not have been the exact step they wanted (firing Cosgrove and/or Callahan), it was a step nonetheless. It will probably be enough... for now.

The only possible wrinkle in the whole scenario (and it's a far-fetched one, believe me) would be if Callahan and Co. are actually able to turn their team around and finish 9-3. Again, it's not likely, but it is mathematically possible, and right now, Head Coach Bill Callahan has nothing to lose. And as the old saying goes, "there's nothing more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose." Would all of those people that still complain about Frank Solich getting fired after going 9-3 make the same amount of noise if Callahan were to get the axe after doing the same? We'll probably never know, but I for one, would certainly love to see.

Twilight Zone

2007-10-15T13:26:00.000-05:00

Another Saturday, another poor performance by the Nebraska defense, and another loss. This time it was an embarassing 45-14 loss to Oklahoma State. Which sounds bad enough, but it gets worse. OSU was up 38-0 at the half, when Nebraska fans started leaving in droves. Those 38 points? Well, that was another in a long list of the wrong kinds of records broken under Head Coach Bill Callahan, as it was the most points EVER allowed by Nebraska in one half of football. This was also the Cowboys’ first win in Lincoln in 47 years. OSU ended the day with 551 total yards to go along with their 45 points, bringing the Cornhuskers' averages to 457 yards and 31 points allowed per game.

You know how I said it gets worse? As if all that wasn't bad enough, it got worse for me, because while listening to the game (thank God I didn't order it on pay-per-view because I had a wedding to go to) I couldn't even get infuriated. I had actually lost my passion. Going into the game I thought that Nebraska could win the game, but I didn't believe that they would win it. By the end of the first quarter, after OSU had scored 17 unanswered points, I was still hoping that somehow, some way, they could get it done. But when the Cowboys scored their next touchdown, after Nebraska went for it on 4th and short, I knew the game was over and it wasn't even halftime. I have never felt that way during a Nebraska game. Ever.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one. It was so bad even the announcers on the Husker Sports Network began voicing their disapproval. For anyone who has ever listened to a Husker game on the radio, you know that this is unprecedented. When they start saying things like "embarrassing" and "disgraceful," and most telling, "speechless," you know things have hit rock bottom. And when they hit rock bottom, the rumor mills started churning and Husker football once again entered the Twilight Zone.

The first time Husker football entered the Twilight Zone was on November 29, 2003 when Athletic Director Steve Pederson called a press conference announcing he had fired Frank Solich after the Huskers had gone 9-3. The nail in the coffin for Solich? A 38-9 loss to Kansas State in Lincoln that was, up until then, their worst at home since 1958. Today, after the similarly embarrassing home loss to OSU, Steve Pederson will be the one being shown the door. At 2:15 this afternoon, a press release came out saying from Nebraska's Chancellor Harvey Perlman that Steve Pederson had been asked to resign. A formal press conference announcing this will be held at 4:00 PM.

All I can say is wow. Now, I've been calling for Cosgrove to be fired for years, but THIS? This is just crazy. When I first heard the rumors about a press conference, I thought it would 1 of 2 things: either Pederson would announce his support of the coaching staff through this tough time, or Cosgrove was stepping down. But firing an Athletic Director in the middle of the football season BEFORE any changes were made on the coaching staff? That's just weird. Not only is it weird, but it's very un-Nebraska. That said, you reap what you sow, and Pederson's handling of the whole Solich fiasco probably played a huge part in what is happening to him today.

But that doesn't mean I agree with it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Solich needed to be fired. But he also deserved to be treated better. He should have at least been given the opportunity to coach his team in the Alamo Bowl against Michigan State. He should have been allowed to finish his season. Pederson, too, should have been given at least that much. And, frankly, I'm not sure that he should have been fired at all.

Sure, Pederson comes off as an arrogant ass. Sure, he was the one who fired Solich. Sure, he was the one who hired Bill Callahan. However, Pederson was Athletic Director of the Year at Pittsburgh the year before he came to Nebraska. Not only that, but Pederson bleeds Husker Red. This is a man who worked under Head Coach Tom Osborne. This is a man who was Nebraska’s recruiting coordinator from 1982-86. This is a man who helped revamp Nebraska’s football facilities, including the $40 million expansion of the North Stadium, which expanded Memorial Stadium’s capacity to 81,067. This is a man who helped bring in new recruits with a new locker room, weight room, indoor practice building and training facilities (recruits have been so impressed, by the way, that Nebraska's recruiting class for next year is projected to be #3 in the country). He's also kept the money flowing into the athletic department and their financial base has been called "rock solid." And let's not forget that Nebraska's volleyball, baseball, and soccer programs are doing well under his directorship as well. Hell, Pederson is also the guy who brought Doc Sadler in as the Nebraska Men's Basketball Coach! Anyone, who can help improve Husker basketball deserves some credit, right?

Apparently not. Such is the power of Nebraska football. Such is the "Power of Red." And right now that all Husker football fans are seeing. Red. I hope that there's something more to this than Nebraska football being abysmal, because if not, Pederson got fired for the wrong reason.

FIRE COSGROVE!

2007-10-08T09:56:00.000-05:00

The last time the Nebraska Cornhuskers looked as unprepared and inept against an opponent as they did for their 41-6 loss to Missouri last Saturday was November 13, 2003. Back in 2003, the Huskers were pounded at home by Kansas State 38-9. This embarrassing loss put the final nail in the coffin for Frank Solich's tenure as head coach for Nebraska. Now, after 4 years under a new head coach and ceaseless promises of a new era this is what we get? This is progress? Nebraska's offense couldn't even score a touchdown and not only did the defense give up 41 points, they also allowed Missouri to rack up 606 yards of total offense. 606 yards! That's two teams this year that have put up over 600 yards against Nebraska. This loss to Missouri brings the average points allowed by Cosgrove's unit up to 29 per game and the average yards given up to 441.5. In fact, the only team that was held to under 200 yards of offense so far this year was Nevada, who is now ranked #86 in the country. Are you freaking kidding me?

The worst part of all of this, is from here on out things are not going to get any easier for the Huskers. Here's the rest of their schedule:

10-13 OSU 476 yards and 33 points per game

10-20 Texas A&M 416 yards and 36 points per game

10-27 Texas 420 yards and 32 points per game

11-03 Kansas 530 yards and 49 points per game

11-10 Kansas State 385 yards and 35 points per game

11-23 Colorado 380 yards and 27 points per game

It doesn't look good. Especially since the teams with the two lowest yards per game averages on that list pulled off two of the biggest upsets this year. Kansas State beat then #7 Texas 41-21 and Colorado beat then #3 Oklahoma 27-24. Even KU (whose stats have been inflated by weak opposition) looked beatable, but they just beat K-State in Manhattan for the first time since 1989! I hate to say that Nebraska is doomed, but it sure looks that way. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Nebraska lost all of their remaining games.

Which puts me in the weird position of wondering whether or not I want that to happen. I love the Cornhuskers. They're my favorite team, but could losing the rest of their games actually be good for the program in the long run? If Nebraska somehow manages to have a winning season this year, the likelihood of the team making any significant changes greatly decreases. But, if they have a losing record, then at the very least you'd have to hope that something would be in the way of a personnel change for the defensive staff, right?

Aw, who am I kidding? I can't root against the Huskers. I still want them to go 10-2... Not that I think that's going to happen. All I can hope for is that now that the Big XII North title looks out of reach, Athletic Director Steve Pederson will see that Nebraska needs good defense to win it. And to have good defense, you need a good defensive coordinator. And Kevin Cosgrove is not a good defensive coordinator.

Pederson's contract ends in 2013. Callahan's ends in 2011. Cosgrove's ends at the end of the season. So, we may be stuck with Pederson and Pederson may be stuck with Callahan, but no one is stuck with Cosgrove. Let's hope that both Pederson and Callahan want their contract extensions to keep coming, because nothing motivates change like the prospect of losing your job. Just ask Frank Solich.

Trajan Sucks... Sometimes

2007-10-03T09:13:00.000-05:00

Ahem. I just want to warn everybody in advance that I'm going to geek out for this post and probably discuss something that probably few people care about. I'm going to talk about typography.

In my line of work, typography is not only essential, but one of my favorite subjects. It's not just about using letters to make words, it's also about choosing what words you want the audience to read in what order, how easily you want the audience to be able to read those words, and how you want your audience to perceive those words. As the great typographer and graphic designer Neville Brody once put it it:

"Typefaces control the message. Choice of font dictates what you think about something before you even read the first word. Imagine Shakespeare in large capital drop shadow. Our response would be quite different towards the content."

Sounds complicated, right? Well, it is. But let me make it a little easier to follow with a little visual example of how different typefaces can be used to make the exact same words have totally different meanings:

You see what I'm talking about? The type in the top graphic actually conveys the words as though they are true, making the text appropriate for advertising featuring a spa, a couch, or even Calgon bubblebath. The second graphic subverts the meaning of the words by merely changing typefaces. Instead of conveying the feeling of relaxation, the type signifies animation and excitement. Now, the text has become totally inappropriate for the uses I mentioned before, and would instead might appear in an advertisement for an amusement park, or more likely a novelty t-shirt. To better illustrate this, I've even slapped together a couple more examples below.

So, there you have it, a couple of examples of how type can have a meaning all it's own, no matter what the words actually say. In other words, choosing the right typeface for the right job is one of a designers most important tasks. The importance of this task, however, has recently been disregarded or discarded by my alma mater, The University of Kansas.

Here's the deal, The University of Kansas recently went through a rebranding and changed their typeface to Trajan. Without going into too much detail, basically this means that from now on whenever you see their brand on things like stationery, signage, advertising, etc., it will always be in Trajan, as opposed to say, Times New Roman or whatever random typeface any doofus with a PC might choose.

My problem, therefore, is not that KU has committed itself to an extensive rebranding was actually a smart thing to do, as establishing a consistent, universal typeface helps make your brand more recognizable and cohesive. Nor do I have a problem with KU using Trajan as their typeface. Sure, it's becoming about as overused as Helvetica and it's seen everywhere from The West Wing to just about every movie poster for the last 20 years (seriously, it was used on the posters for A Beautiful Mind, The Pefect Storm, The Mummy, Titanic, all 3 Lord of the Rings movies, and even Minority Report. The list goes on and on, and I'm not even mentioning the countless posters that use typefaces that are derivatives of Trajan!). In the end, I like Trajan in the right context, and I think it works as the typeface for a university. It is, after all, based on the letterforms found on a column in Rome and most all universities like to pay homage in one way or another to Rome for having the first university. Take a look at it here on KU's homepage. When used in this instance, Trajan works, and I think it works pretty well.

My problem is context. Just about any typeface can work in the right context and while Trajan may work for representing the academic side of a university, it is woefully out of place on the athletics side. I would think that would be obvious to even the most casual of viewers, but apparently not, because the University of Kansas in their attempt to standardize the KU brand has actually started using Trajan on their jerseys and other sports apparel! Which is to say, the KU emblem an their jerseys went from this:

To this:
For the love of God, why? Now, I'll admit that it doesn't look as bad on the basketball jerseys, but it really looks awful on apparel that features just the KU emblem. Just take a look at the hats below. The one on the left features text set in Trajan and the one on the right isn't even set in KU's previous sports typeface and it still looks better than the one set in Trajan!
Now, I could get all KU fan-boy on you an go off in how replacing the now classic letterforms that adorned the KU jerseys for last 25 years (during which the men's basketball team earned 5 Final Four appearances, 3 NCAA Finals, and one national championship) flies in the face of tradition. But, I think it would be more productive to make the case from a visual identity or branding standpoint, because while the university may not have had a cohesive and recognizable brand, KU athletics already did. KU athletic apparel had not only the Jayhawk, but their own typeface that was immediately recognizable and unique to the University. Now, they've flushed that all away and replaced it with a typeface that, in the context of jersey, looks not only generic, but, well, wimpy. Generic, I can stand, but wimpy? On a sports apparel? Not exactly the image you want to convey.

And just so you know, I'm not the only person upset about all of this. In fact, this entire post was inspired by a website that Josh put me on to called trajansucks.com. Judging from the comments posted on the site (some of which are not even from KU fans) the consensus is that at least when it come to KU jerseys, Trajan, does indeed suck. So, if you agree with me and the many others that think Trajan has no place on sports apparel, stop on over and buy one of their snazzy shirts or at least post a comment. Of course, I did both. Maybe it'll do some good, you never know. After all, Nebraska changed their football uniforms back in 2002, and that lasted all of one season. So there's still some hope to be had.

Before I go, I'd like to make an admission, I actually have a KU hat with KU set in Trajan. There's even a couple of pictures of me wearing it on this blog. But, in my defense, it was the only St. Patrick's Day-styled KU hat I could find here in Omaha. But rest assured, I will try to make that the only KU apparel I have featuring Trajan. But now that they've even put Trajan on the freakin' Jayhawk, I don't know if I can.

Sigh. Oh well, at least I can wear my "Trajan Sucks" shirt if all else fails...

Back In Black?

2007-10-02T12:20:00.000-05:00

For the first time in my life, I took got to see back-to-back games in Memorial Stadium when I saw the Huskers take on the Iowa State Cyclones last weekend. And I've got to say, it was probably the second weirdest Nebraska game I've ever seen (the weirdest being the Huskers' 24-17 victory against the Kansas Jayhawks in 1999, when Nebraska scored all of their points in the second half and a game they would have lost without former quarterback Bobby Newcombe's 200 all-purpose yards). This game was similar, in that it took Nebraska's offense a while to get going, and without a couple big plays that led to Husker scores not by the offense (in '99 it was an 86-yard punt return for a touchdown by Newcombe and this time it was an interception returned 93 yards for a touchdown by Bo Ruud) the outcome might have been different indeed.

What made it so weird? Well, for starters Iowa State's time of possession for the game was 39:03 minutes. This was about 19 minutes longer and nearly doubled Nebraska's T.O.P of 20:17 minutes! Second, Iowa State ran astounding 102 plays versus only 59 from Nebraska. ISU topped off their amazing statistics with an impressive total of 28 first downs. When one team is dominating those three categories, like Iowa State did on Saturday, it usually means they're also dominating the other team. But here's the thing, with all of that going for them on offense, Iowa State was only able to score 17 points! Even when ISU was up 10-0, it never felt like Nebraska was out of it and once Nebraska took the lead, it never felt like they were ever really in any danger of losing it. In fact, if anything, it felt like it should have been, and would have been, a blow-out by Nebraska if not for 3 turnovers early in the game. Like I said, weird.

Another weird factor of the game was definitely the play of the Nebraska defense. For the first time in recent memory they look not only prepared, but energized. The defense was flying to the ball, making gang tackles, intercepting passes, and pressuring the quarterback. To me, the pressure the Huskers were able to put on ISU QB Bret Meyer was definitely the most impressive. Impressive mostly because Meyer was sacked three times with Nebraska managing just three sacks in their four previous games and the Cyclones having only allowed three all year. Aside from the sacks, that pressure was definitely a factor in the passes that Meyer threw which the Huskers were able to pick off. It just goes to show what good pass rush can do.

That all sounds great, right? Keep in mind, I said that the play of the defense was weird, too, so before you get all excited about what the Nebraska defense did right, there's definitely some nagging concerns. First and foremost were the number of plays ISU had (the aforementioned 102) and the fact that Iowa State outgained Nebraska in yardage 415 to 369. Those 415 yards, by the way, were ISU's second-most ever in Lincoln. Now, I'm going to cut the D some slack here, because as I said before they were playing with intensity (finally) and were probably more than a little tired after their teammates on offense kept turning the ball over in the first quarter. But keep in mind, Iowa State is ranked at the bottom of the Big XII North in scoring offense and were 83rd in total offense going into last Saturday's game. Even more disturbing, is that when you add the 415 yards ISU had to the 610 yards Ball State had, and you'll get 1025 yards given up by the Cornhuskers in back-to-back games to opponents who are now ranked #104 and #59 respectively.

So, the question remains, is the Nebraska defense getting better, or was Iowa State that bad? I'm actually willing to give them the benefit of the doubt here because of the turnovers by the Nebraska offense, the fact that they came up with big plays when they had to, they only allowed 17 points, and finally, because the Huskers won. Does that mean that I think that this was a return to form? No. This was an ISU team that the Blackshirts of old would have kept out of the endzone, and maybe kept from scoring entirely. But, I do think that is was a step in the right direction. You've got to give credit where credit is due and Defensive Coordinator Kevin Cosgrove got his players prepared and fired up despite all of the distractions surrounding his defensive unit this week. That takes focus and determination. That takes good coaching. And for the first time in weeks, Cosgrove stepped up.

Now, can Cosgrove take the necessary steps to keep his defense improving for the rest of the season? If not, Cosgrove might need to put his house up for sale. True, he may be off the hotseat for now, but a poor defensive performance against Missouri this Saturday will put him right back in it. And with Kansas State upsetting #7 Texas and Colorado upsetting #3 Oklahoma last weekend, no game looks like a gimme for the rest of the season. Which doesn't mean that Nebraska has to win the rest of their games either, it just means that the Nebraska defense needs to look just as prepared and fired up from here on out as they did against Iowa State. Because Nebraska fans can handle losing, but they what they can't handle is bad coaching.

When Did A Blackshirt Become A White Flag?

2007-09-24T15:08:00.000-05:00

Hey Nebraska football fans! Remember the Blackshirts? Remember when the Huskers offense would sputter or was one-dimensional and the defense, better known as the Blackshirts, kept us in games? Remember when opposing teams that had Nebraska outmatched still spoke about how much respect they had for the Nebraska D?

Well, those days are officially gone. They've probably been gone for years now, but last Saturday's skin-of-their-teeth win over Ball State put the final nail in the coffin. The fear and respect are gone, because Nebraska no longer deserves it. I witnessed this first hand this last Saturday as Max and I sat in Memorial Stadium and watched Ball State score 40 points and rack up 610 yards of total offense against Nebraska. Those 610 yards are the fourth-most ever against Nebraska and the most by a Husker opponent since Washington had 618 yards in 1991. Ball state had less offense against Navy (539 yards) and that game went into overtime!

This marked the second game in a row the defense allowed their opponents to score at least 40 points. This by itself is an appalling statistic, but it gets worse: this is the first time ever, since it was built in 1923, that this has happened in Memorial Stadium. Granted, the previous game was a loss to USC, who is a legitimate National Title contender, but Ball State? USC was ranked number 1 when they came to Lincoln, Ball State was 78. If ever a win felt like a loss, then this was it. When new Athletic Director Steve Pederson came in and fired Frank Solich, he said: "I refuse to let the program gravitate into mediocrity." Right now Husker fans would be happy with mediocrity as far as the defense goes, because right now, it's worse than mediocre. Right now, it stinks out loud.

So what happened to the Blackshirts? Is it the coaching or is it talent? Well, according to Rivals.com Steve Octavien, Zach Potter, Ndamukong Suh, Bo Ruud, Cortney Grixby, Phillip Dillard, Armando Murillo, Larry Asante, and Rickey Thenarse were all 4-star recruits. Zach Bowman and Andre Jones were 5-star recruits. So that means either everyone who evaluates talent for college football are idiots, or Nebraska's coaching stinks. I'm leaning towards believing that Nebraska's coaching stinks. And I lay the blame solely on the shoulders of Defensive Coordinator Kevin Cosgrove.

Want more evidence of Cosgrove's ineptitude? Well, first let's step back to 2002. In Craig Bohl's third and final year as defensive coordinator the Huskers went 7-7 and allowed an average of 23.9 points per game. The following year, Head Coach Frank Solich replaced Bohl with Bo Pelini and the Huskers went 10-3, allowing an average of just 14.3 points per game. Not only that, but they posted 4 games where they allowed no touchdowns, 2 of which were shutouts. When Steve Pederson cleaned house the next year for the 2004 season and Head Coach Bill Callahan replaced Pelini with Kevin Cosgrove, the Huskers went 5-6 and allowed an average of 27 points per game. Now, that's probably not exactly fair, as Callahan's offense did Cosgrove few favors, but still... 27 points!

Still, you could look at Cosgrove's first year as an aberration, growing pains if you will, as a football program transforms itself into something different. And I've tried to be patient, to cut these guys some slack. But just as Callahan's offense is finally starting to come together, the defense is moving in reverse. Husker fans came to hate Craig Bohl, since it was during his 3 seasons as defensive coordinator the Blackshirts began their descent into mediocrity. From 2000-2002 the Huskers were 28-11, giving up an average of 20.2 points per game. Everybody in Nebraska was happy to see him go, and for one year it looked like things were back to normal under Bo Pelini. Unfortunately, it turned out that Pelini's single season as defensive coordinator was the aberration. After he was replaced by Cosgrove, the Huskers went just 25-16 over his first 3 seasons and gave up an average of 22.1 points per game. Now, again, I might be able to overlook those statistics as the offense wasn't always giving the defense much of a chance to catch their breath, but that's no longer the case. When the offense is able to put up 552 yards of offense on an opponent, as the Huskers did against Ball State, that should be enough to result in a blow-out. Instead, it meant a 1 point victory that needed a missed field goal to seal the win. I never thought that I'd miss Craig Bohl, but Lord help me, I'm starting to.

Still not convinced that Cosgrove is the problem? Try taking a look at his record at his previous job as defensive coordinator for Wisconsin. In Cosgrove's 9 years at Wisconsin the defense gave up an average of 21 points a game. From 1995 through the 2003 season, they went 70-41, a winning percentage of 63%. The three years after Cosgrove left Wisconsin's D gave up an average of just 17 points a game and had a record of 31-7, an 82% winning percentage. To be fair, some of the credit for Wisconsin's recent success belongs to their offense, but don't forget that while Cosgrove coached for Wisconsin during the 1998 and 1999 seasons the offense had Ron Dayne, one of the best running backs in college football history and the NCAA's all-time leading rusher. Incidentally, Bret Bielema, the man who replaced Cosgrove as defensive coordinator for Wisconsin, is now their head coach. Wisconsin is currently undefeated and ranked #9 in the country.

So, what's the solution? Ever since Pederson brought in Callahan and his staff, there have been calls for both of them to be fired. But I don't think that's the answer, and actually I have to say that I think that Nebraska's offense continues to improve under Callahan. Besides, even if I did want Callahan gone, he just signed a three-year contract extension that will keep him as head coach through the 2011 season. So, it looks like we're stuck with him for a while. But Kevin Cosgrove is a different story. All of Callahan's assistants, including Cosgrove, are on rolling one-year deals. Nothing is guaranteed for them. So, if Steve Pederson comes to Bill Callahan and says changes need to be made on defense, Callahan would have little choice but to implement them.

Now, I'm not saying Cosgrove should be let go today. Letting a coach go during a season is just insane. I wasn't for it when they fired Frank Solich before the Alamo Bowl, and I'm not for it now. But at the very least, Cosgrove should give the job of coaching the linebackers to someone else. Don't get me wrong, Cosgrove deserves a chance to right the ship, because two games don't make an entire season, just ask Michigan. After becoming the first ever ranked Division I-A school to lose to a Division I-AA with its loss to Appalachian State, then losing the following week to Oregon, Michigan bounced back and shut out Notre Dame last week and beat #10 Penn State this week. So, anything's possible, but if the Nebraska defense doesn't improve over the rest of the season, then it's time to give Cosgrove a pink slip.

Let me be clear, it's nothing personal and I don't hate Kevin Cosgrove, I just want my Blackshirts back. If Cosgrove manages to transform his defense into one that can at least win the Big XII North, I'll leave the guy alone. And if Cosgrove can somehow resurrect the Blackshirts and return them to the level they played at just 4 years ago, I'll be a fan for life. But, considering the mountain of evidence pointing towards his inability to coach, I'm not holding out much hope.

Right now, the best I can hope for is that the Cornhuskers can keep scoring a lot of points, because if not, it's going to be a loooong season.

The Great Divide

2007-09-21T15:56:00.000-05:00

Fear not dear readers, for I have returned. I know my entries have become fairly sporadic of late, and a hiatus of three months is long, even for me. I have not been sedentary, however, on the contrary, I've been busy doing the mundane sorts of tasks that would make for even duller journal entries than usual. That said, I did set off on a journey in late August that was truly one for the ages.

Indeed, on August 25th, myself and a ragtag group gathered from the farthest reaches of the city of Omaha traveled west into the majestic Rocky Mountains of Colorado. There we took a journey that many have attempted, but few have succeeded. A journey so daunting, that it not only took us from one side of Rocky Mountain National Park to the other, but over the continental divide itself. Those of us that survived, now refer to our our travels as "The 2007 Backpacking Trip."

Okay, so, it wasn't that big of a deal. It was definitely a great trip, but probably not good enough to be written about in the style of turn of the century travelogues. And probably thousands, if not millions of people have made similar trips. And not Boyd, Jeff, Mike, nor myself died. Although Josh did go missing... but even that was before we left Omaha.

Anyhow, here's a map of what we did:

We started on the west side of Rocky Mountain National Park near a town called Grand Lake and worked our way northeast, exiting the Park by the town of Estes Park. The entire trip took us 5 days on foot. The first day we hiked in about 6.8 miles and set up camp. I know that this doesn't sound like a very tough hike, but when you factor in the elevation gain of 820 ft., the fact that you're carrying a 50lb+ pack on your back, and the fact that you stayed up late drinking the night before, let me tell you it's no walk in the park! Well, technically, it is actually a walk in the park, but... you know what, never mind, let's just say it wasn't easy.

On day 2, we had a much shorter hike of just around 2.9 miles. However, in that 2.9 miles we had an elevation gain of about 1400 ft. That my friends, is a steep-ass hike. This day was full of switchbacks and blisters for most of the party. All in all, not as bad as we anticipated, however, and spirits were high at the campground that evening. We even got a visit from some unexpected guests in the form of sparring elk. Knowing full well getting gored by one of our horny visitors (yes, I know they're antlers, but it's mating season for them up there) would put an end to our trip real quick, we were happy to give them their space. They felt no such decorum, however, and a number of them decided to swing by and check out our campsite just as were going to bed. They wandered off after a couple of minutes, and luckily were able to discern the difference between Boyd and Mike's snoring and the mating call of a female elk. We were really lucky in this regard, as anyone who has shared a tent with either of those two will tell you, it's not that easy to do.

Day 3 was the biggest day. We had to make sure to set out early, as our trek would take us across the Continental Divide and well above treeline, not a place you want to be should storms roll in. Also, there was the small matter of gaining roughly 1564 vertical feet, before descending down the Divide, only to have to go back up again once we reached the Bear Lake trailhead to get to our campsite. The funny thing was that the trip up and over the Continental Divide proved to be the easiest part of the day, it was actually having to go down then back up that proved the most exhausting. The hike back up to our campsite was completed in silence, as all four of us were too tired to speak and instead committed all of our concentration in merely placing one foot in front of the other. It was also on this day that we learned that the freestanding toilets called "privies" are more dangerous than they appear. A member of our party, who shall remain nameless, nearly did irreparable damage to his "equipment" from the toilet's metal lip when sitting down for a "number 2." Let's just say that the logs we used for campfires wasn't the only wood that got cut on this trip. Luckily, his injury was not life-threatening, and he was able to soldier on for the remainder of the trip.

Day 4 looked to be our easiest day of hiking on paper. It was mostly downhill and not that far, but the fact that we got caught in a deluge of rain coupled with our campsite sitting at the end of an "Unimproved Trail" did little to make the day a good one. Once the rain stopped, the campsite was indeed a pretty one, but probably not worth the effort it took to get there.

Day 5 was the end of our time in the back country. We got up early, packed up camp and hiked back into civilization. We celebrated our return by bathing in showers at the back of a laundromat (don't ask), eating mediocre pizza and wings for dinner, and later devouring onion rings and a pitcher of beer at townie bar in Estes Park. And even though the food was not what we were dreaming of during our trip, just about anything is better than dehydrated food. We then spent our last night around a campfire drinking well into the night.

All in all, it was a great time. Despite blisters, rain, snoring, and cut members, we all had a blast. I know that a great many people have a hard time understanding the allure of backpacking. And quite frankly, I have a hard time explaining why I like it so much as well. I mean, it's a lot of work. It can be dangerous, physically exhausting, and mind-numbingly repetitive as well. Plus, the food is definitely nothing to write home about. So, why do we keep doing it? Well, because it's worth it. You get to completely disconnect from the outside world for a while, hang out with your friends, and see things that most people never get a chance to see. Plus, it's beautiful. How often in this day and age are you able to find yourself miles from society and surrounded by the undisturbed grandeur of nature? Honestly, it's probably next to impossible to accomplish without strapping on a backpack and hiking into the wilderness. It's not going to come to you, you have to go out and find it. I don't know about the rest of the guys, but that's why I do it.

Sure it's nice to be able to feel like you've accomplished something as well. Crossing Rocky Mountain National Park by going up and over the Continental Divide is a feat that most people I know will never do, and I guess that's something. But to me, it's not about bragging rights, it's all about the view. And unfortunately trying to explain "the view" to someone who has never experienced it, is like trying to explain the color red to a blind person. But once I see it, it makes it all worth it. And its what will keep me going back, hopefully, for years to come.

More Than Meets The Eye?

2007-07-11T10:12:00.000-05:00

So, despite my promise to return with something more substantive, I'm going to instead give you my review of Transformers. And nothing could be less substantive, I know, but I love me some Transformers, so what are you going to do? I mean, I've loved Transformers for almost as long as I can remember. Anyone else remember the first Transformers mini-series? Back in 1983, this was the talk of the playground. All the kids with cable (of which I was not one) would giddily re-enact fights between transforming robots who could make energy weapons with their hands. I didn't see a single episode until the summer when, by chance, I caught the episodes during the Bozo The Clown Show. I was hooked. From then on, every time I would go to video store (I miss Captain Video, by the way), I would check for the newest release from the series. I loved everything about it; the animation, the characters, that sound effect when they transformed, the voices, everything. Okay, maybe not all the voices, because Jazz and Starscream (who sounded a helluva lot like Cobra Commander) were kind of annoying, but Optimus Prime, Ironhide, and Soundwave? Freakin' awesome.

So, with all that love in my heart, I of course saw Transformers: The Movie on opening day. No, no, not the one that came out last week, but the original animated feature that was released in 1986. It simultaneously blew my mind and broke my heart. The animation was some of the coolest I had ever seen (and it actually holds up pretty well today), and the story actually had a great arc filled with heroism, pathos, self-sacrifice, responsibility, and redemption. I mean, I almost cried when Optimus Prime died, man! That's how invested the creators had made you in their characters. My favorite memory of seeing the movie in the theatre, however, has nothing to do with the movie itself. I don't remember why, but for some reason, my dad had dropped my mom and I off to get tickets and seats ahead of him. As a result, he ended up buying a single ticket 20 minutes after the movie had started. According to the story my dad told us after the movie, the exchange went something like this:

My Dad: One ticket for Transformers, please.
Girl At Ticket Window (laughing): Ha, ha, ha, really, what movie?
My Dad: Seriously, one ticket for Transformers.
Girl At Ticket Window (bursts into laughter. Stops laughing. Tries desperately to keep from laughing): Ahem. That'll, that'll be $3.50, please.
My Dad (hands her the money): I'm meeting my wife and kid...
Girl At Ticket Window (snickering, trying not to laugh): Sure...hee hee hee...ahem...enjoy the show!
(My dad then leaves the ticket window. The girl, no longer able to control herself, bursts in laughter, the sound of which follows my dad as he enters the theatre.)

Anyhow, that brings us to last night when I took in Steven Spielberg's and Michael Bay's Transformers. And guess who I brought along? That's right, my dad. Katie and Joshimus, I mean, Josh came along, too, but my dad being there brought along a special feeling on nostalgia that really helped get my goodwill flowing toward enjoying the movie.

So, how was it? Well, it's a bit of a mixed bag really. I'll start with the good. It looked amazing. Seriously, from start to finish, top to bottom, every special effect looked real. I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined a live-action Transformers movie that would convince me that Transformers could work in real life. In that respect, the movie definitely delivered. And the fights! Man, when the Autobots and Decepticons were trading blows, I had to keep the 9-year-old boy inside me from yelling "F@ck Yeah!" out at the top of his lungs (I mean, come on, it's okay when I scream it, but I'd have to wash his mouth out with soap). Plus, Peter Cullen was back as the voice of Optimus Prime. He is THE voice and I was ecstatic that they brought him back on board for the live-action version. Aside from the Transformers themselves, though, there was also a pretty great bit of acting delivered by Mr. Shia LaBeouf. I'm not sure that he's the next Tom Hanks as he was touted by Vanity Fair, but that kid has chops. Other than that, the girls were hot, so that's always a plus. Oh, and it was actually pretty funny, too.

The bad? Well, it's a Michael Bay movie. I know that sounds cliché and dismissive, but hear me out. I think Michael Bay has talent. Loads of talent, in fact. Visually, his movies are stunning. His use of slow motion, quick cuts, and camera moves is truly breathtaking. Seriously. Put in Pearl Harbor some night and watch it with the sound off, and tell me it's not a gorgeous movie. Unfortunately for Bay, silent movies aren't really en vogue these days. Elements like dialogue and story are pretty important, so his movies are never really that great. It seems part of what makes Michael Bay, Michael Bay is his short attention span. Visually, this makes his movies interesting. For instance, he never lingers on a shot for too long. It's almost as though he's saying "You think that shots cool? Well, how about this? Now this? What about this, this, or this?" It truly is dazzling. That said, his short attention span gets him into trouble when crafting a story. In Transformers, you have what seems like a hundred subplots and characters the movie keeps bouncing between. As a result, you care very little about any of them. Shia LaBeouf's storyline somehow overcomes this, but that's about it. You really don't care about anyone else outside of that arc, which is a shame. I mean, if I didn't already love the Transformers going into the movie, I would have had no investment in the characters of any of the Autobots (with the exception of Bumblebee, because of LaBeouf's subplot) and they're the guys we're supposed to be rooting for! I wanted Optimus Prime to win, because going into the movie I already wanted Optimus Prime to win. Trust me, I'm not ruining anything here by telling you at one point, one of the Autobots dies. I'm not ruining anything because you, like me, simply will not care, because his character had absolutely zero substance. And I know this sounds really geeky, nitpicky, and fanboy-ish but, really, when a cartoon movie that was made in 1986 to essentially to sell more toys has a better story arc and characterization, maybe you should go back to the drawing board. Cut out ALL the subplots with hackers and computer viruses and the Secretary of Defense, and not only would you get a tighter, more concise movie, but you'd cut down on the way-too-long running time. Hey, I'm all for 2 hours and 23 minutes of robots kicking ass, but when a lot of that runtime is eaten up by people sitting at computers talking about viruses and Anthony Anderson being "funny," you need to leave that crap on the cutting room floor. That screen time would have been far better spent actually developing the characters of the heroes of the movie.

So, what's the final verdict then? Well, after leaving the theatre my dad says to me, "I thought it was pretty good. What did you think?" I replied that it was an adolescent fantasy full of hot girls, explosions, car chases, and robots. And that yes, I thought it was pretty good, too. But that's all it was, pretty good.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5

I know I should just be happy that it didn't suck (which I am) and that this probably sounds strange coming from someone who recently spent an entire post talking about how great the Die Hard series of movies are. On the surface, there's not really much difference between Transformers and Live Free Or Die Hard. Both have clear-cut good guys fighting clear-cut bad guys with lots of explosions, guns, jets, trucks, and car chases. Hell, they even both feature computer hackers and government officials. But what sets the Die Hard movies apart is the characterization (i.e. it actually has some). They have characters that you can actually identify and empathize with. And for those that think its simply that the Transformers are robots, not people, and are therefore harder to care about, I say this: The Iron Giant, Terminator 2:Judgement Day, Star Wars, and even the original Transformers managed to make you care about the fate of their robot characters.

Don't get me wrong, I thought Transformers was a fun, popcorn movie. And as such, I'm probably being a little too hard on it. I'd definitely even watch it again, if only to see the wicked awesome fight scenes again. But if you're looking for something that's "More than meets the eye," you better look somewhere else. Because with Transformers, what you see is what you get.

I'm A "Die Harder" Like My Man Bruce Willis

2007-07-02T15:15:00.000-05:00

Every so often, I get caught up in a frenzy surrounding an event. I buy into the hype, and then dial my excitement up to 10. Sometimes it's for new albums, sometimes it's for concerts, but most of the time it's for movies. For instance, remember the debacle that was Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace? (Hopefully, you don't, Lord knows I wish I could forget it.) Anyhow, I allowed my manic fandom (at the time) of everything Star Wars to cloud my judgment and went along with my good friend Ryan Bruce to see the movie 3 times opening day. 3 frikkin' times! Trust me, if I had my way, after the first time I would have called it good, but since we camped out to get our tickets weeks in advance, we had to use them, right? Don't get me wrong, it was actually a good time, but I just wish the movie could have at least measured up to one-tenth of my expectations.

So, lesson learned, right? After the Star Wars fiasco, you'd think I'd be able to at least reign in whatever part of me that makes me act like that. And for the most part, you'd be right. I haven't camped out for Star Wars tickets since. That said, I did let myself get a little amped for the latest installment of the Die Hard Franchise: Live Free or Die Hard. And by a little bit, I mean a lot. Enough to watch all Die Hard movies, in reverse order (I'll explain later), watch an old Ben Stiller show skit called Die Hard 12: Die Hungry, and watch this video almost incessantly:

So, what can I say? Maybe the video had something to do with it, I don't know. But what I do know is John McClane kicks ass. If that video doesn't prove it, I don't know what does. And since Max agrees with me wholeheartedly, I enlisted him to Live Free or Die Hard right along with me, to which he happily complied. But first, since it had been 12 years since John McClane last graced the silver screen, we felt we needed a bit of a refresher on the previous films. Since both of us have seen the original Die Hard countless times, but had pretty vague recollections of the other 2, we thought it best to start with one of them. And since we both remembered Die Hard 2: Die Harder sucking worse than Die Hard With A Vengeance (aka Die Hard 3), we opted to watch the third film first. The next night, Max dropped out and I watched Die Harder with Megan. The following night, I completed the series by watching the original Die Hard by myself. And finally yesterday, all three of us went to Cinema Center and took in Live Free Or Die Hard.

So, if you're thinking about seeing the new one, but the last 12 years have left you a little hazy on the the specifics of the other films, don't worry, you've come to the right place. After spending the better part of a week with John McClane, I can get you up to speed pretty quickly. Just watch that YouTube video again, or read my brief reviews below:

Die Hard

I know I've written about this extensively in the past, so if you want a more in-depth analysis go here. Otherwise, all you need to know is that Bruce Willis stars as New York Detective John McClane. He goes to visit his estranged wife and kids in LA for Christmas. After going to meet his wife at her office Christmas party European terrorists take over the building and John McClane saves hostages (including his wife) by essentially running around with no shoes on, crawling around in air ducts, getting the shit kicked out of him, and shooting a lot. This movie also introduced the phrase "Yippee-kay-yay motherfucker." That synopsis doesn't do the movie much justice, as it kicks all sorts of ass, but I'll leave it at that.

Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)

Die Hard 2: Die Harder

Before I rented this one last week, I had only seen it once when I went with my dad to see it at Indian Hills on the big screen. That same night, we then went and saw the Dolph Lundgren masterpiece I Come In Peace at the Westroads. Even though I was 13 at the time, saw it the best theatre I've ever seen a movie in, and could compare it to I Come In Peace, I still didn't think it was that great. And guess what? The intervening 17 years did not change my opinion much. Let me put it this way: Have you seen Die Hard? If the answer is yes, you've pretty much seen Die Hard 2. It's still Christmas, Willis's John McClane still crawls around in air ducts, gets the shit kicked out of him, shoots a lot, and once again saves the hostages (including his wife). He also says the phrase "Yippee-kay-yay motherfucker." I mean, both the cop that helped McClane and the douche bag reporter from the original are even back this time. The only differences, really, are that it takes place at Dulles airport, the terrorists this time are rogue American soldiers, the setting is more wide open so it loses the claustrophobia of the first film, and the snappy dialogue from the original is replaced by guys saying "fuck" a lot. Oh, and John McClane wears a black tank top instead of a white one. There, I've just saved you a couple bucks in rental fees. To be fair it's entertaining enough. There's a couple of pretty badass scenes and a nice twist at the end. Heck, Megan enjoyed it, but she hasn't seen Die Hard in a long, long time. But in the end it's far, far inferior to Die Hard and much too derivative to be a worthy successor.

Rating: 2 (out of 5)

Die Hard With A Vengeance

Like Die Hard 2, the only other time I saw this one previously was in the theatre. Way back in 1995, Nick, Zach, (and I think Nate, but I'm not sure) and I cut class and saw this opening day. Much like I was with Die Hard 2, I was pretty underwhelmed. Max, too, remembered this installment not being up to snuff, but after watching it again last week on video we realized just how wrong we both were, because DHWAV kicks ass. For this installment, European terrorists are back in the mix and Willis's John McClane is forced to complete various tasks to keep them from blowing up bombs throughout New York City. This time he has help in the form of Harlem-based electrician Zeuss Carver, played by none other than Samuel L. Jackson. This movie opens up the setting even more than Die Hard 2, but makes up for that by confining McClane and Carver through the use of a ticking clock. For instance, can McClane and Carver make it across town in 20 minutes during rush hour to stop a bomb? It's a very effective technique the restores much of the tension and hopelessness of the first film. Also, the snappy dialogue from the first film is back, and who better to deliver it in spades than Samuel L. and Bruce Willis? The fact that this film pretty much dismisses the second installment also gives it bonus cool points. Plus, we once again get to see McClane fight terrorists, get the shit kicked out of him, shoot a lot, and hear him utter the immortal phrase "Yippee-kay-yay motherfucker."

Rating: 4 (out of 5)

Live Free Or Die Hard aka Die Hard 4.0

Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for, where I answer the question of whether Live Free Or Die Hard is a worthwhile follow-up in the franchise. The answer is a resounding, unequivocal "yes." Now, I don't want to give anything away, but in the new movie Bruce Willis's John McClane fights terrorists, gets the shit kicked out of him, and shoots a lot (hope I didn't ruin anything for you there). They mix it up this time a little though. Instead of setting it on Christmas, they chose Independence Day and the terrorists, get this, are both American and European. And they're not your run-of-the-mill terrorists either, they're cyber-terrorists. This may seem a little cliché these days, but in the context of Die Hard, it totally works. You see, John McClane has always been characterized as a throwback, "A Timex watch in the digital age," as they put it in this film, and what better way to highlight this than have an old-school cop fight high-tech thieves?

This movie feels more like a successor to Die Hard With A Vengeance, in that the setting is once again pretty wide-open and McClane is teamed with sidekick of sorts. The sidekick this time is a physically inept hacker played by Justin Long (of Ed fame and more recently the Mac in Apple commercials). And once again, the interplay between the two characters is highly entertaining. This movie ups the ante, though, in the terrorist threat department with the safety of the entire country at risk and, in a throwback to the original Die Hard, McClane must also deal with a specific threat to the life of a family member. This time, the terrorists make the mistake of making it personal by kidnapping his daughter (played with fiery defiance by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, most recently of Grindhouse).

But does it kick ass? Yes, my friends it kicks ass. This one kicks ass almost from the word go. The stunts and action pieces are dialed up to 10. Is some of it unbelievable? You bet. But by this time, you expect John McClane to do the unbelievable and you'll be having so much fun you won't care. Plus, the film gets bonus cool points by placing McClane back in an elevator shaft and, in a fashion, an air duct. Not only that, but we're also treated to even more pretty great references to the other movies, as well.

One thing about the movie a lot of people have complained about is the fact that it's PG-13 and not R. To this I say, you won't miss it. Seriously, if you've seen any of the Bourne movies, or even Mission Impossible 3, you'll know how hardcore PG-13 movies can be these days. At no point during those films, or LFODH, did I say to myself, "This is pretty good, but it would be so much better if it was R." The only major difference it made, was that this time, you only get to hear John say "Yippee-kay-yay mother..." but when it happens, it's so badass, it may be the best delivery of the line yet. And if it's that big of a deal to you, feel free to finish his sentence for him.

In the end, I really dug this movie. It wasn't anything mindblowing or groundbreaking, but it's a Die Hard movie and that's not what I go see them for. I go to see Bruce Willis's John McClane fight terrorists, get the shit kicked out of him, and shoot a lot. And this movie delivered. So far, it's the best action movie of the summer, if not the most enjoyable and satisfying franchise picture, to boot. That may sound like faint praise, but in a summer full of threequels, it's actually saying something. So far, it's the only one of it's kind that I actually want to see again.

Rating: 3.5 (out of 5)

That's probably enough Die Hard for now. I'll be back with something more substantive next time, I promise. Until then, my friends, remember in life we have 2 choices, we can Live Free Or Die Hard. I'm not actually sure what that means, but I'm sure those are words to live by... or at least die hard by.

With A Little Help From My Friends

2007-06-14T10:12:00.000-05:00

So, I've been getting a lot of "Why you no post no more" from my peeps. The answer? I've been busy. I've been busy doing man stuff. Even when I'm supposed to be chill-laxing like on Memorial Day Weekend, I've been doing some serious labor intensive work. Memorial Day Weekend kicked off with moving retaining wall blocks for Mike at his place and moved to getting Boyd started on his retaining wall at his place, before finally getting down to the festivities at Katie's parents (which was a great time, so thanks Katie and Josh). And it didn't end there. On Memorial day itself, I helped Jesse hang drywall in his attic. Seriously, at the end of the extended weekend I was ready to re-name Memorial Day Labor Day, which would probably be a little confusing since there already is a Labor Day, but you get my drift.

And before you start thinking what a conscientious guy I am helping out my friends, I must admit I had ulterior motives. You see, I too had a project in mind. A project so big, that I was going to need all the help I could get. And if that meant calling in any and all favors, so be it.

So what was the big project I had in mind? Well, much like the current proposal to build a wall along the Mexican Border, I was also looking to build a wall to increase my homeland security. And by "home," I mean my home and by "land security," I mean the land around my house was was going to collapse into my driveway if something wasn't done ASAP. So, on Friday, June 1, Project: Retaining Wall went into action. And after multiple days spent working sun up to sun down and taking days off work for what has probably become my worst vacation ever, the wall is essentially done. All that's left is some cleaning up and re-planting and it will be the second greatest wall ever created by man. I say second, because that wall the built in China, didn't get the name "Great" for nothing.

Anyhow, we took some pictures that you might enjoy. But before we get to the pictures, I'd like to thank everyone that helped out. Mom, dad, Matt, Jesse, and Max: you guys are lifesavers. Maybe you didn't help move heaven and earth, but you certainly helped move a lot of earth. An extra big thanks goes to Mike and especially Boyd. You guys brought your knowledge and work ethic to this project without which I never could have even gotten started. Well, maybe I could have gotten started, but I certainly wouldn't have finished, and it wouldn't look near as nice. In fact I'd go as far as saying it would look pretty FUBARed. You guys really went above and beyond, sticking around when it was just the three of us, and in the case of Boyd, when it was just the two of us. I owe all of you big time, so when any of you need a hand, don't hesitate to call. Anyhow, on to the pictures!

Now, don't get excited. These are just a couple shots of the old, collapsing retaining wall. I know it doesn't look that bad in the pictures, what with the flowers and all, but trust me, it was rotting out and it looked shitty in real life.

Here's the crew on day 3 of Operation: Retaining Wall. Boyd is making like Hannibal laying out a new plan for the A-Team. I think he even later said "I love it when a plan comes together."

Here's Mike doing more digging. Not only did Mike put in a lot of work, but he brought everyone free tickets to the gun show. Anyone know a good vet? 'Cause those puppies are sick!

Here's Max playing a fun little game we like to call "Dig a trench without hitting the gas line!" Worst. Game. Ever. And we all know how much Max likes games...

Here I am driving the Mitey Mac. "She ain't much to look at, but she's got it where it counts, kid."

Here I am measuring to make some cuts to the blocks. "Measure twice, cut three times." That's my motto, which I think may need some work...

Here I am using a concrete saw to cut the retaining wall caps. I always thought that the License To Ill-era Beasties' line "And I Can't pay attention 'cause I'm on that dust," was a drug reference. Now, I know that they were talking about construction. That thing sucked. Pray you never have to use one.

Here I am putting the finishing touches on the wall, which brings us to...

Ta Dah! Or more appropriately, Ta-Dow! The second greatest wall ever built by man. Seriously, you'd think it was by all the people that have come by to check it out. I've met more people from my neighborhood since I started this thing than I have the entire two years we've been living in our house. And if someone's putting in one of these bad boys in your neighborhood, please refrain from giving any advice unless you're willing to help. It comes off as condescending and you might just end up getting a lifter.

That's all for now, folks. I'm going to go back to my real job just to relax. Hopefully, in the next couple of days I'll be once again able to lift my left arm up over my head, move my right wrist, and have the swelling on my left hand go down enough so I can wear my wedding ring again. So, if you see me out and about moving rather awkwardly and not wearing my wedding ring, it's not because my wife beats me, it's because of my retaining wall. However, if I have a black eye, it's probably because of that last joke...

How Gay Is That?

2007-05-24T08:53:00.000-05:00

Question:
What do you call a man wearing a pink shirt walking two poodles?

Answer:
Me

In an effort to rejuvenate our yard, Megan and I have been taking our dogs on regular walks rather that just let them out back to do their "business." Generally, I take them on a walk by myself when I get home from work. On Tuesday, I got home and didn't even change out of my work attire before taking the around the block. Normally, I don't really think about how I look to other people, but for some reason it occurred after passing by several people in the street that not only was I walking two pretty sissy looking dogs, but I was wearing a pastel pink polo. Take away either the polo or the poodles, and I look straight. Add them both together and I look, as Boyd would put it, "Gay, gay, gay gay gay."

Oh, well. It's not that I care or anything, I just think it's funny how appearances can be deceiving. That and the fact that, at the time, I was probably the gayest looking straight man since Lyle, the Effeminate Heterosexual.

An Excercise In Futility

2007-05-14T18:25:00.000-05:00

So, I suppose if you're like me, you've been getting e-mails with messages similar to this:

Subject: FW: Don't pump gas May 15th 2007

NO GAS...On May 15th 2007

Don't pump gas on may 15th

In April 1997, there was a "gas out" conducted nationwide in protest of gas prices. Gasoline prices dropped 30 cents a gallon overnight.

On May 15th 2007, all internet users are to not go to a gas station in protest of high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most places.

There are 73,000,000+ American members currently on the internet network, and the average car takes about 30 to 50 dollars to fill up.

If all users did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take $2,292,000,000.00 (that's almost 3 BILLION) out of the oil companies pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and let's try to put a dent in the Middle Eastern oil industry for at least one day.

If you agree (which I can't see why you wouldn't) resend this to all your contact list. With it saying, "Don't pump gas on May 15th"

In the immortal words of Public Enemy "Don't Believe The Hype." Why? IT WON'T WORK.

Let me explain, in somewhat of a metaphor. Remember how President Bush said in his State of the Union speech back on February 1, 2006 that "America is addicted to oil?" Well, let's take that one step further and imagine yourself as a drug addict. You're addicted to crack and every couple of days or so, whenever you can scrape together enough money, you buy crack from the same dealer. One day, you decide you've had enough with paying so much for an ounce of crack. So, you tell your dealer that unless he lowers his prices, you're going to quit smoking crack. But you're not going to quit smoking crack altogether, just for one day. ONE DAY. Do you really think the dealer would even consider cutting you a break on your crack? Hell, no. Because you'll be back the next day and he'll get his money then. And even if you're not back the next day, he knows that you'll be back some day real soon. Why? Because you're addicted.

So, let's be honest with ourselves and realize that gas prices are never going to go back down. Sure, they may dip back below $3.00 again, but eventually it's going to climb even higher. If you really want to spend less money on gas and for our country to stop getting involved in wars in the Middle East, then you can get Congress to push for higher C.A.F.E. standards so the vehicles made and sold here get better miles per gallon. That way, gas prices may not go down, but at least we'll be paying less, because we'll be using less.

March Madness

2007-04-10T13:24:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of postings. March was a crazy month. A lot happened. To catch you all up, here is some photo documentation:
First off, on March 10, 2007, I freakin' turned 30! Here I am reenacting the historic blowing out of the birthday candles for the cameras. It was a good time filled with food, bowling, food, booze, food, friends, family, and food. Thanks to everyone who helped me celebrate. I hope you had as much fun as I did.

On March 15, to ring in the momentous occasion, I did something I've wanted to do for a while, and that was get a tattoo. I had been kicking around what I wanted to do about 8 years, and finally had the excuse to do it. Basically, wanted to do something iconic, something that represented my design aesthetic, but also something I could make my own. So, I took the idea of the classic protest fist and subverted it to advocate something other than force. In my mind, the pen, whether used to create art or simply write out ideas, is the perfect counterpoint to violence. With all that in mind, I created my own icon and added the Edward Bulwer-Lytton quote in Incised 901 Nord BT and off I went to Liquid Courage. The blurry photo that I took myself doesn't quite do it justice, as I think tattoo artist (and former comic book inker) Dennis De La Rosa did a bang up job.

And at 5:30 AM on March 16, before my tattoo even had a chance to heal, I was off to Chicago via Amtrak to ring in Jeff's upcoming nuptials. It was a combination bachelor party/ NCAA Tournament/ St. Patrick's Day Extravaganza. Now, I've never been out partying on St. Pat's before, and let me tell you, if you're only going to do it once, Chicago is the place to do it. Congrats go to Jeff and Kim along with shout outs to Todd for supplying tremendous eats, Boyd for hooking us up with an awesome place to crash, and Brian who somehow stayed stone cold sober and was still able to put up with the rest of our drunk asses all weekend.

This last photo was also taken in Chicago on St. Pat's. I included it for a couple of reasons. First, it's a cool shot taken by Josh, our official trip photographer. Second, aside from yours truly, it features my good friend, gadfly, and man about town, Brian. And finally, because the camera magically captured the blurriness that characterized that entire evening.

Still Not A Democrat

2007-03-09T16:05:00.000-06:00

In my final post as a twentysomething, I thought that I'd clarify, again, that I am an Independent. Always have been, and (unless we get more political parties in this country) I probably always will be. Now, I know that people who are registered Democrat get crap from Republicans and vice versa, but us Independents? We get it from both sides. In fact, I get called a "fence sitter" at least once a week by someone very close to me. Now, I'm not going to name any names, but let's just say her initials are Megan Thom.

Now, I know that a lot of what I say in my blog probably makes it sound like I'm a Democrat because I'm always attacking this Republican the other (Pete Ricketts and Tom DeLay, I'm looking in your direction). But it's not about Party, it's about the truth. When I catch people spouting lies, I call them on it. And (with the exception of Ricketts, who was only running for office) the people most often spouting this nonsense are the people in power, and up until recently in our representative government, that meant Republicans.

Now, I'll admit, I was elated when the Democrats took back Congress, but not because that meant Democrats were now in charge. It was partly because I think that friction is good for the government, and when one Party controls the House, the Senate, and the Executive (again, the Republicans) well, that tends to lead to some serious mismanagement (think Katrina and Iraq). Mostly, though, I was excited about the Dem's platform of cleaning up corruption that they ran on. In fact, they're already doing some good stuff in that regard, like finally having investigations into the contracting for Iraq's reconstruction projects, for example. Things were looking good. I no longer was referring to Congress as the "Broken Branch." I had hope that maybe, just maybe things were going to be different from now on.

But, then along came a little case involving William Jefferson, a Democratic Congressman from Louisiana. This guy is, pardon my French, a douche bag (yes, 'douche' is actually French). You may or may not remember this guy, but he made headlines back in May because the FBI raided his office on Capitol Hill. This was a pretty big deal because the FBI probably crossed the Separation of Powers line (since Congress has their own police, the United States Capitol Police). To me, though, the big issue is what lead to the raid: the FBI allegedly have Jefferson on video taking a $100,000 bribe and had already searched his apartment, where they found $90,000 in his freezer.

Now, I'm never one to let one bad apple spoil a whole bunch. With 21 members of Congress currently under investigation (17 Republicans versus 4 Democrats), I was willing to cut the Dems some slack. Since they can't make Jefferson step down, I figured they'd relegate the guy to the point where he was ineffectual until, you know, he was sentenced and then actually had to step down. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

Not only has Jefferson not been pushed to the sidelines, Speaker Nancy Pelosi wants to appoint him a seat on the Homeland Security Committee. A guy who is under investigation for taking a $100,000 bribe will now be granted access to classified documents regarding the safety and well-being of this country. This not only sounds insanely stupid and even dangerous; it sounds rather hypocritical coming from the leader of the House Dems who ran on a platform of cleaning up a corrupt Capitol Hill.

Hey, Democrats! Want to stay in power? Here's a hint: don't do the same sort of crap that got the Republicans kicked out of office. And to anybody reading this who actually cares about clean government, do me a favor, huh? Contact Madame Speaker Pelosi and let her know that we want the Democrats to stick to their promises and end the cycle of corruption in Washington. After all, one corrupt branch of the government is enough for me...

5 Things

2007-03-08T09:13:00.000-06:00

I guess another baton is making the rounds. This one is supposed to be a list of 5 things about yourself that maybe people don't know. Micah passed it to me, and he did a little riff on it that was pretty clever. So, I think I'm going to do the same. Here then is a list of 5 things, in no particular order, that never fail to make me happy:

5. The Print Regional Design Annual
I had a subscription to Print when I was in college, and like everyone else in the design program, could not wait until the annual came out. Sure, Print is great every month, but the annual is like porn for designers. Mind you, its content is not in any way pornographic, but if you give that issue to a designer their eyes will remain glued to the pages and you'll have an extremely hard time tearing it out of their hands. On top of that, it's even better when it's free, because your wife bought you a subscription for Christmas.

4. Sure Shot
In my mind, probably the quintessential Beastie Boys song. Back in my college days, this could not be played in my car without me taking the part of Mike D, Ryan Bruce shouting along with MCA, and Ryan Davidson getting all high-pitched for the Ad Rock verses. Good times. Heck, I had the DJ play it at the McSchwieger's wedding reception, and it had grandmas out on the dancefloor shaking their booties. If you ever want to see my patented "Belt Buckle Dance," this is the song to play.

3. Seeing Megan Enjoy A Movie
As you all know, I love me some movies. Whats more, I love watching movies with Mrs. Thom. We often have very different tastes in movies. For instance, Requiem For A Dream is one of my all time favorites, whereas The Princess Diaries is one of hers. But every so often, I introduce her to something that she probably would never have seen otherwise, and she loves it just like I thought she would. I mean, we watched Flags of Our Fathers on Valentine's Day, how cool is that?

2. Back Issues
At two days shy of my 30th birthday, I still love me some comics. Not as much as I used to mind you, but still enough to go to Krypton Comics every Wednesday. One of the best parts about comics is having the back issues. You can go back and read stories about your favorite characters any time you want. And there's nothing sweeter than finally getting your hands on issue that you're missing to fill in the holes in your collection. I know it sounds crazy, but that's because you've never read James Robinson's entire 81 issue run on Starman, the original Marshal Law miniseries, Warren Ellis's run on Stormwatch, or the mindblowing Miracleman series from Eclipse. All four series not only more than made up for the time and effort put into tracking all the issues down, but remain some of the best stuff I've ever read. Period.

1. Pizza
Whether it's Zio's in Omaha, Papa Keno's or Rudy's in Lawrence, or Giordano's in Chicago, you can't deny the power of pizza. In fact, one of the most satisfying meals of my entire life came from Domino's delivery the night Megan and I got married. Food of the gods, my friends. Food of the gods.

There you go, five things about me. I guess I'm supposed to pass this to five people who have blogs, so they can do the same. Sorry about this guys, but here's my list:

Max
Zach
Megan
Andrea
Ryan

Have fun!

Random Article

2007-02-27T18:14:00.000-06:00

This was Wikipedia's featured article on Sunday, February 25. I was going to post this then but got busy. Anyhow, I thought it was totally random (which, I think is one of the reasons for of the Featured Article), and also pretty cool. Granted, there's probably about 12 other people in the world that would also think it was cool. Lucky for me, most of them read my blog.

I think...

President's Day

2007-02-20T21:14:00.000-06:00

In a bit of a strange coincidence I finished reading The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt yesterday. Rise is Edward Morris's Pulitzer Prize winning chronicle of nearly the first 43 years of, duh, Theodore Roosevelt's life. The book ends just as Theodore Roosevelt learns that President McKinley had died and that he was now President of the United States.

That's how amazing this guy was. He has a 780 page book (920 if you count the bibliography and index) written about him, and it doesn't even include the years when he was President! Think about that for a second. As I read this book, I couldn't help but compare everything that Ol' Teddy accomplished with what I've done with my life. The comparison left me feeling pretty inadequate, but I think there's very few people who wouldn't feel the same way. I mean, just take a look at some of these highlights:

October 27, 1858 - Born.

June 30, 1880 - Graduates from Harvard magna cum laude, 21st in a class of 177

December 3, 1881 - At the age of 23, hands in his first book to his publisher, The Naval War of 1812. It was the first of 38 books that he would write throughout his life. Within in 2 years, it went through 3 editions and became a textbook at several colleges; and in 1886 at least one copy would be ordered to be on board every U.S. Navy vessel.

January 1, 1883 - Appointed Minority Leader of the New York State Assembly, despite being the youngest member of the Legislature

June 20, 1885 - After personal tragedies, Roosevelt ventured West to the Dakota Territories and became a rancher. Despite being initially looked down upon by westerners for wearing glasses and being a blue blood from New York, he soon proved his mettle by doing things like riding in a roundup for 32 days (longer than most of the other cowboys on the roundup). This is made even more impressive considering that the distance he covered in that time was nearly 1,000 miles.

October 15, 1886 - Having returned to New York, Roosevelt, not quite 28, is unanimously nominated by the Republican convention as their candidate for mayor (he loses the race, but still, even then New York City was New York City...).

May 13, 1889 - Appointed Civil Service Commissioner by President Benjamin Harrison.

May 6, 1895 - Appointed as one of 4 Police Commissioners of New York City. The same day he became President of the Board of Commissioners.

April 19, 1897 - Takes office as Assistant Secretary of the Navy upon being appointed by President William McKinley. Supposedly, this was/is the most difficult department in the U.S. government.

April 19, 1898 - Roosevelt resigns from his post to fight in Spanish-American War in Cuba saying: "One of the commonest taunts directed at men like myself is that we are armchair and parlor Jingos who wish to see others do what we only advocate doing. I care very little for such a taunt, except as it affects my usefulness; but I cannot afford to disregard that fact that my power for good, whatever it may be, would be gone if I didn't try to live up to the doctrines I have to preach." Roosevelt is offered the rank of colonel and command of the first regiment of a new provision of volunteers who would come to be called the Rough Riders. Knowing that he is not the best man for the job he turns the offer down.

July 1, 1898 - Roosevelt gets his colonelcy due to yellow fever striking many of the commanding officers. Under his his command, his contingent of Rough Riders take Kettle Hill in an action that many military strategists would deem impossible. Namely, they stormed and captured a high enemy position over open ground, with fewer and inferior weapons. In doing so, they had been the first to break Spanish defenses, which after charging on, led to the taking and holding of the final crest overlooking Santiago. No small feat for a man who never fought in a military action before, let alone commanded a regiment!

October 27, 1898 - Roosevelt turns 40 and wins governorship of New York State.

June 19, 1900 - After the November 1899 death of Vice-President Garrett Hobart, Roosevelt accepts the nomination Vice-Presidential nomination at the 1900 Republican Convention. By the way, Roosevelt's nomination would have been unanimous, had he not not cast the single dissenting vote himself!

March 4 - March 8, 1901- The entire duration of Roosevelt's formal services as Vice-President, as after March 8, the Senate adjourned until December.

September 13, 1901 - President William McKinley dies a week after being shot by Leon Czolgosz. Six weeks before he turned 43, Theodore Roosevelt becomes President of the United States.

All of these feats would alone make for an amazing life, but T.R. was just getting started! It boggles the mind, especially when you consider all of the adventures and excursions I left out in my summary coupled with the fact that Roosevelt was, to put it mildly, a sickly youth. He was afflicted with asthma, what his family euphemistically called cholera morbus, and a weak heart. In fact, one part of the book details his physical exam from March 26 1880, shortly before he graduated from college:

Theodore's heart, strained by years of asthmatic heavings and over-exercise, was in trouble. Far form climbing mountains in Maine, he must in the future refrain from even running upstairs. He must live quietly, and choose a sedentary occupation, otherwise, [Dr. Dudley A.] Sargent warned, he would not live long.

"Doctor," came the reply, " I'm going to do all the things you tell me not to do. If I've got to live the sort of live you have described, I don't care how short it is."

In short, T.R. was a badass. He's the type of guy they don't make anymore. And in this age of focus groups and polling, he's definitely the type of politician they don't make anymore either. Despite the fact that we live in a very different time, I still think it's important, especially this time of year, to look back at the lives of the great men who worked to shape the character of this country into something that we can still be proud of.

I know that there will never be another Theodore Roosevelt and I also know that it's already impossible for me to live a life comparable to his. But by looking back at those who came before, I can learn something, anything, so that I too can make our country just a little bit better. Or, at the very least, lead a life that at least I can be proud of. Hopefully, enough of us will do the same, and maybe together, we can make up for the current lack of Theodore Roosevelt's. Yeah, it's a pretty big dream, but what better time to dream big than on President's Day?

Dumb Things Said By Someone With A PhD

2007-01-15T14:38:00.000-06:00

In a possible recurring feature, here is the dumbest thing I've ever heard someone with a PhD say:

"Senator, I just think that it's bad policy, frankly, to speculate on what you'll do if a plan fails that you're trying to make work."

-Dr. Condoleezza Rice, PhD. Professor of Political Science

Boy, is that a great philosophy to have. Makes me wonder if she wears a seatbelt. I mean, why waste time to "speculate" what might happen if your getting from Point A to Point B "plan fails" and you get in an accident? Good thing that nothing beyond your control could ever transpire that would cause that to happen.

I don't know, maybe she takes the bus...

Morality Play

2007-01-12T10:04:00.000-06:00

All right. Anyone else sick of being moralized to by people who don't even seem to know what the deuce they're talking about? I was driving home from work last Thursday, listening to NPR, when I heard the following statement from U.S. Congressman Mike Pence (Republican, 6th District of Indiana):

"You see, I believe that live begins at conception and that a human embryo is human life. And I believe that it's morally wrong to create human life to destroy it for research, but I believe it's also morally wrong to take the taxpayer dollars of millions of Americans who believe that life begins at conception and use it to fund research that they find morally offensive."

To put this quote in context, what Mr. Pence is referring to is his opposition to a new bill, passed by the House of Representatives, which promotes government research into stem cells. Now, normally, I would not disagree with someone's moral belief system, if they were morally opposed to something that was actually going to be done. In fact, I would even agree with Pence that creating "human life to destroy it for research," would be wrong. But that's not what this new bill proposes at all. You see, the bill the House passed does nothing to "create human life to destroy it for research", but rather it proposes to use only embryos left over from in-vitro fertilization clinics that would be discarded anyway. So, right there, Pence is either uninformed about the bill's actual purpose, or he's being willfully disingenuous. I'll let you decide that one, but either way, his argument is more than a little misleading.

But since Mr. Pence brought up the subject of morality, let's take a closer look into this whole issue. Where exactly do these left over embryos from in-vitro fertilization clinics come from? Well here are some excerpts from an MSNBC article by Arthur Caplan, Ph.D. to explain it a little further:

"When couples seek treatment for infertility, they often wind up using in-vitro fertilization, or IVF. This is a procedure in which embryos are created outside the body in a laboratory dish and are then implanted back into the woman's body where, ideally, they grow to full term.

It works like this: The woman takes fertility drugs that cause her to produce far more eggs than the one she normally would release during her monthly cycle. These eggs are then surgically removed from her ovaries and fertilized in a dish with either her husband's or a donor's sperm. Often many embryos are created through this process. But since multiple-pregnancies –quadruplets, quintuplets, septuplets and the like – produce premature and often unhealthy babies, doctors will only put two or three embryos back into the woman's body to try and help her become pregnant. The clinic chooses to implant the embryos that look the healthiest and asks the couple if they want to freeze the rest. The couple also has the option of having the remaining embryos destroyed, donated to other couples, or donated for embryonic stem-cell research.

Most experts think there are as many as 400,000 embryos frozen in storage in the United States."

So, with 400,000 embryos floating around the U.S., the question becomes which is more moral: Let these embryos deteriorate or be destroyed; Or use them for scientific research which could lead to medical advances and potentially save lives? Or to put it another way, is it wrong to destroy an embryo in the name of science, but okay to destroy it the name of storage space? Because if you're opposing this bill, that's precisely what you're saying.

Keeping in mind that I would still like to respect Representative Pence's moral view, I would have one final comparison to put forward. It's more of riddle actually, first posited, I believe by Dr. Mark Noble, a Professor of Genetics at the University of Rochester School of Medicine. The riddle goes like this: Suppose there is a fire at a fertility clinic. In one room is a freezer with 100 embryos. In another room is a baby. Now, suppose you have only enough time to enter ONE room. Do you save the baby, or the freezer?

Now, I don't know how Representative Pence would answer that riddle, and it's probably unfair to speculate. But let's just say that Mr. Pence, mulled all of this over and still came down against stem cell research on the grounds that it destroys human embryos. That's fair, because even though I disagree with him, it's still his moral belief. And you never know, maybe he has some other plan which he thinks will save those 400,000 embryos from being destroyed either by science or for storage. But what if he actually did some research, or I don't know, used the internet like me and found out that, maybe, just maybe, embryos don't even need to be destroyed to do stem cell research. What if, in fact he went here and read this:

"Scientists unveil a new technique they claim could break the political deadlock over human embryonic stem cells. Researchers with the company Advanced Cell Technology say it's possible to remove a cell from an embryo without harming the embryo and then grow the cell in a lab dish. That single cell can be used to derive embryonic stem cells."

It's pretty sad that when I seem to do more research for my blog than someone voting on a bill. I mean, if Pence actually knew this, it would kind of throw his whole argument out the window, right? Because with no human embryos being either "created" or "destroyed" for stem cell research, what is there left to believe that's "morally wrong?"

Finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't also say something about Pence's statement that he believes "it's also morally wrong to take the taxpayer dollars of millions of Americans... and use it to fund research that they find morally offensive." First, of all it may be morally offensive to millions of taxpayers, but according to recent polling by ABC News, 63 percent of Americans support stem-cell research. Second, how many millions of taxpayers find the death penalty morally offensive? Or the war in Iraq? Because I haven't read or heard you say anything against taking "the taxpayer dollars of millions of Americans" for those policies Mr. Pence. After all, if you're going to get on your high horse and defend the morality of "millions of Americans" maybe you should go all the way, or do you only do that when you're personally opposed to something?

Do us all a favor, give it rest. Or at the very least, next time, do your homework. Because, on behalf of "millions of Americans" who pay our "taxpayer dollars" for your salary and "fund research" that you should be doing as part of your job, I find it "morally offensive" that we are apparently wasting our money.

World's Most Dangerous Game

2006-12-13T22:38:00.000-06:00

Been a little busy lately, with Christmas shopping, working on a new website with Max, and trying to get my neglected portfolio up to date. It's funny how time flies by and you open up your portfolio and discover that it's full of stuff you did before you graduated from college. You all know the feeling, right? Um, I guess not...

Anyhow, while I've got a DVD burning some of my more recent work, I thought I'd drop a little note about a couple of flicks I caught this weekend. The first one I checked out was Shut Up & Sing a documentary about the Dixie Chicks. Now, before you jump to any conclusions and write it off as a sort of commercial for the band, hear me out. While it does portray the Chicks in a positive light (duh, it was made by them), and features a fair amount of their music, what the documentary is really about is Free Speech. The film plays out the pitfalls of speaking your mind, and the lengths people will go to silence you when they don't want to hear what you have to say.

I found the movie downright embarrassing. Not for the Dixie Chicks, though, who come out looking a bit like Country music's answer to Thomas Payne, but rather I was embarrassed by our country. For a country that supposedly values the right of individuals to speak freely (so much so that it's guaranteed by our Constitution), this film proves that's not always the case. So, if you're all for totalitarian censorship, stay home and watch Fox News, but if you actually love our country and the ideals upon which it was founded, check out Shut Up & Sing.

A couple days later Max and I rolled the dice and took a chance on Apocalypto. And you know what? The gamble paid off. Apocalypto turned out to be pretty kickass. Now, I know that's not much of a review, but I really think that's probably the best way to describe the movie. Sure, Mel Gibson's story which plays out in the last days of the Mayan Empire is in many ways an allegory for today's America, in it's heart of hearts, it's a straight-up action movie. So much so, that it's either the most low-brow "message" movie I've ever seen, or the most high-brow action movie I've ever seen. Either way, it's worth seeing, because the message is still a good one, and Mel Gibson proves once again (as he did with Braveheart) that when it comes to epic action, he's tough to beat.

What has struck me most about Apocalypto, however, is how much it's stuck with me. It's basic structure has had me thinking about it's literary an cinematic forbearers since I left the theatre. Leaving aside the cultural allegories, it's essentially the story of one man running for his life as he's hunted down like wild game. This of course brings to mind Richard Connell's award-winning 1924 short story The Most Dangerous Game. This in turn, got me thinking about all the movies I've seen that re-worked and updated Connell's story, like the Ice-T vehicle Surviving The Game, the Jean Claude Van Damme and Jon Woo collaboration Hard Target, and No Escape which starred Ray Liotta. To be fair, No Escape also borrowed liberally from Lord of The Flies and Escape From New York, but Connell's influence was still pretty apparent. And it's apparent in Apocalypto as well, but instead of trying to update the story, it's put it back in time and to great effect.

The only other movie that keeps coming to mind when I think of Apocalypto is Apocalypse Now. Aside from the obvious similarities in the titles and settings, the real similarities are much more esoteric. The central characters become surrounded by darkness and dread as they leave the familiar and enter into worlds that are quite alien to them. Both movies do a great job of instilling the audience with the same foreboding as the characters as they take the same journey into the unfamiliar with them. And while it's definitely not the most enjoyable experience, it is damn effective in getting you pulled into the movie. It's also one of the reasons Apocalypse Now is considered a classic, and while I don't think Apocalypto will gain similar stature, that doesn't make it any less impressive.

What's funny about all of this, is after seeing Apocalypto, I realized that Max and I have seen each of the movies I listed above, together, in the theatre (with the exception of Hard Target). That's right, we even saw Apocalypse Now at the Dundee during the Apocalypse Now Redux re-release. I still remember having to sneak into Surviving The Game, since we weren't old enough to buy tickets. Now that's dedication. And even though we may not have seen Hard Target in the theatre, we did watch it multiple times on video, enough to quote lines from it back and forth and talk to each other in Wilford Brimley's faux Cajun accent he employed in the movie. And while I don't foresee us quoting any lines to each other from Apocalypto (neither of us speak Yucatecan Maya), I do find it a bit weird, especially since it was quite unintentional.

So, what does this say about Max and me? Other than the fact that we tend to share a lot of similar interests, I don't know. Have we unknowingly created between us our own sub-genre of film, that of Wilderness Action Manhunt/Jungle Adventure (or WAMJA for short)? I don't know, I mean it's not like we saw Tarzan and The Lost City in the theatre or anything. But then again, maybe Tarzan movies have their own genre. What I do know is that I don't mind, because they've all been entertaining experiences. Sure, Surviving The Game, No Escape, and Hard Target all belong on late night cable, but I'd still watch them again if they were on. And I'm betting Max would, too. So, as long as they still keeping making WAMJA movies, Max and I will probably keep watching them. That said, I don't think I'll be too keen on going on any hunting trips Max suggests to me any time soon...

Happy Day After Repeal Day!

2006-12-06T09:29:00.000-06:00

Hope everyone had a happy Repeal Day. Mine was pretty decent. After a long day at work, I went home, sipped a couple of beers, beat Michigan with KU (no easy task) on my NCAA Football game for PS2, then joined Max and Megan for a couple more beers at Old Chicago. It was a very laid back kind of night, which was nice.

Not too many people celebrating Repeal Day, though. Which was kind of disappointing. I mean, I guess I don't know for sure, as none of us were screaming "Repeal Day! Woo! Yeah!" or anything ourselves, and there were definitely less people out drinking than on say, St. Pat's. I aim to fix that (exactly how, I'm not sure) and as fate would have it, so is Dewar's. I guess Dewar's has been running an ad campaign promoting Repeal Day. I'm not sure if they have multiple ads, but this one is pretty great.

What I find especially amusing about all of this, is that it's Dewar's that's advocating a Repeal Day holiday. Not because it's a blended Scotch Whiskey from Scotland, but because of it's history with Repeal Day and Prohibition. You see, Joseph Kennedy (JFK's dad), owned a company called Somerset Importers, that according to Wikipedia, was "the exclusive American agent for Gordon's Dry Gin and Dewar's Scotch." Some historians believe that JFK's dad illegally sold Dewar's and Gordon's to the Mafia for black market sales and made a tidy profit during prohibition. To my knowledge that's never been proven, but it is known that Joe Kennedy amassed a rather large inventory of Gordon's and Dewar's and made a killing after Repeal Day. And by killing I mean he made millions, which in 1933 dollars is A LOT of money. Presumably, Dewar's and Gordon's made some money, too, so it's not a surprise that Dewar's wants to celebrate Repeal Day!

So, even though this year's Repeal Day wasn't a big event, it'll be interesting to see if it starts to gain any steam. Next year might be more of the same, but I'm betting that 2 years from now, more companies will be making a big deal about it. December 5, 2008 will mark the 75th anniversary of Repeal Day. Now that will be something to celebrate!

Happy Repeal Day!

2006-12-05T10:16:00.000-06:00

Not that Americans really need another excuse to drink, but I think that we should make Repeal Day a holiday. So, what exactly is Repeal Day? Well, for those of you not up on your Constitution, Congress ratified the 18th Amendment on January 16, 1919, which prohibited the sale, manufacturing, transportation, importation and exporting of alcohol. In other words, The U.S. effectively became a "dry" country. While this may have seemed like a great idea at the time (and it certainly gave rise to colorful characters like Al Capone, Dutch Schultz, and JFK's bootlegging dad, all of whom still capture our collective imagination to this day), it was ultimately deemed a disaster. After over a decade of prohibition, the amendment was finally repealed with the 21st Amendment on December 5, 1933 aka Repeal Day.

So drink up! Sure, there are other rights provided for in the Constitution worth celebrating (like voting, habeas corpus, free speech, and shooting off your guns), but drinking has got to be the most fun. So tonight, let's all raise a glass and knock a few back in honor of Ol' Uncle Sam. It's not only your Constitutional right, it's your duty!

Movie Roundup

2006-11-30T13:32:00.000-06:00

Despite the fact that recently our lives have been full of yardwork, traveling, and weddings, Megan and I have had a little time to kick back a catch a few movies. Now, if it were up to me, I would have seen a lot more movies this season, but unfortunately our lives and how we live them are governed by things like money and time. That said, Megan and I tend to be much more particular these days about what we see at the cineplex, so it's been a while since we've seen any stinkers. In the past, for example, we might have taken a chance on M. Night Shyamalan's Lady In The Water, which because of utterly horrendous reviews got relegated to rental status. And even though there are movies that we really want to see that slip through the cracks, everything we end up seeing proves to be worthwhile.

So what have we seen recently? Well, let's start with The Departed. The Departed is Martin Scorsese's latest crime drama. It's premise intrigued me ever since I heard of it in it's original Hong Kong incarnation Infernal Affairs, which is taking the idea of an undercover cop infiltrating the mob and flipping it. Which is to say, you still get Leonardo DiCaprio getting Donnie Brasco on Jack Nicholson's crime family, but you also get Matt Damon going undercover for Nicholson into Martin Sheen's police operation. It's a genius idea that provides for unbelievable tension throughout the film. The direction by Scorsese is top-notch as always, and he proves once again that when it comes to crime drama, he's tough to beat. Not only that, but as fans of Scorsese's work know, he gives the actors room to do their thing. And they do not disappoint. Matt Damon is great in his turn as he makes his despicable character sympathetic, which is good since half of the movie centers on him. DiCaprio is astounding as well, giving his best performance since What's Eating Gilbert Grape? as a cop in over his head who's constantly on the verge of a complete breakdown. Scorsese, if you recall, had DiCaprio go undercover into a gang once before in Gangs of New York with mixed results. This time, DiCaprio knocks it out of the park. Scorsese gets solid performances out of the rest of cast as well, including Sheen as DiCaprio's surrogate father, Alec Baldwin as a pretty hilarious FBI agent, Vera Farmiga as a conflicted police shrink, and a surprising Mark Wahlberg as smartass cop. The best trick Scorsese pulled off though, is definitely reigning in Nicholson. After watching the trailers I was a little worried that we'd get Jack being a little too, well, Jack. There are still a couple of scenes where he starts to go off the rails, but Scorsese never lets him ruin the moment, or for that matter, the movie. If you're looking for a bit of light escapism during this holiday season I'd look elsewhere, though, because this movie is pretty heavy. But if you're in the mood for a terrific, character-driven ensemble piece that keeps you bolted to your seat, you won't find a better pick this season.

And if you like your movies dark, I'd also highly recommend The Prestige. I don't know how many of you saw the trailers for this movie, but I really think they could have done a better job of marketing it. The trailers make it look almost like a horror movie, but it's not. It is, however, horrifying in it's own way, depicting the lengths people will go for recognition, envy, and revenge. Did I mention it's brilliant? Seriously, this movie brings the goods. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, as it's directed by Christopher Nolan, who has yet to direct a bad film. The movie is based on a book of the same name by Christopher Priest and the story centers on two rival stage magicians played terrifically by Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale (or Wolverine and Batman, if you prefer) who become caught in a game of one-upmanship that turns deadly. I've read a couple of reviews for the film that were fairly negative, because they found the two rivals unlikable. I can see where they're coming from, but I felt that both character's motivations were compelling and interesting. Jackman and Bale were able to infuse them with more than enough humanity and sympathy, with Bale, especially, giving another in a string of rock-solid performances. The supporting cast, which features Michael Caine, Scarlett Johansson, and Piper Perabo, are all great as well. As I said, the characters are compelling and definitely keep you invested in the film, but the real reason to see it is Nolan's deft direction. He conducts the movie like a magician pulling off a great trick, complete with a bit of slight of hand and misdirection. The result is pure magic. And like all great tricks, you'll want to see this one again.

For somewhat lighter fair, I'd recommend Stranger Than Fiction. I say somewhat lighter, since although this movie is a comedy that stars Will Ferrell, it's not exactly what I would call "light" as it deals with impending death. The movie stars Will Farrell as a IRS agent who discovers that his life is not of his own making, rather he is a character whose life is being written by an author played by the great Emma Thompson. At first Ferrell is moderately concerned when he starts hearing Thompson's voice narrating his inner thoughts and actions, but becomes scared for his life when he learns that he is about to be killed off. Ferrell enlists the help of an English professor to help him figure out not only who's writing his story, but what type of story it is. Along the way, Ferrell decides to become more of the person he always wanted to be and even falls in love with a baker played by Maggie Gyllenhaal who he's auditing. The movie is pretty meta, but it's easy to follow and it's a pretty genius idea that plays to the paranoid schizophrenic in all of us. Plus, it's sweet without ever being saccharine and, on top of all of that, it's pretty darn funny. Just don't go expecting to see Ferrell hamming it up Ron Burgundy-style; he's dialed down here and gives an earnest and warm performance. So, if you're looking for a romantic comedy that's actually a good movie, this one's for you.

Our final stop on the movie roundup is for those of us that like our movies shaken, not stirred. I'm talking, of course, of the latest James Bond flick, Casino Royale. A lot has been made of this movie being a reboot for the James Bond franchise, much in the way Batman Begins was for the Batman franchise. With Casino Royale, we not only get a new Bond as played by Daniel Craig, but a Bond who is new to being a Double 0 agent. It's a move made, along with de-gadgeting Bond, to make him more fallible, and in turn, more believable. And it works like a charm. Now, I grew up watching Bond movies, and loved them all as a kid. As I grew up, and they continued making the movies, I found myself feeling less and less attraction to them. I wanted to like them, but the last one I actually saw in the theatre was Tomorrow Never Dies (which sucked), and the last one I actually enjoyed was Goldeneye (which, to be honest, wasn't that great of a movie). Casino Royale has me back on board. Not only is it the best Bond movie ever made (with the possible exception of Goldfinger), it's the first to actually be what can be considered a good movie (with the possible exception of Goldfinger). And a lot of the credit has to got Craig. Daniel Craig is magnificent as Bond. First off, his Bond, despite still being suave and debonair, is the first one to be imposing in a way that you know just by looking at him that he could kill you. With his bare hands if need be. Can you say that about any other Bond? Does anyone believe than Roger Moore could handle himself in a fist fight? Second, his Bond is a broken man. For the first time you get a glimpse of how messed up you'd have to be to actually be James Bond and to do what he does. That's not to say that movie doesn't have it's problems, it does, but overall it's pretty much everything you like about James Bond movies with pretty much none of the stuff you hate about James Bond movies. The took a major step in the right direction here, and as long as the keep going, I'll keep buying tickets.

Well, that's all on the movie front for now. Hopefully, I'll have the opportunity to catch a couple more flicks this season as there are quite a few that I'm dying to see. Until then, I guess I'll actually have to come up with something meaningful to write about...

Introducing The McSchwiegers

2006-11-17T10:44:00.000-06:00

The last event in the Thom Theme Park/Wedding Tour (or TTPWT for short) was Katie and Josh's wedding. I'm sure that a lot of people would think that after our trip down South, Megan and I would want nothing more than to stay at home and relax. Normally, that would probably be true, but in this case, it couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact we were both looking forward to this wedding quite a bit.

The reasons we were both so excited are legion, so in the interest of me actually trying to keep this post shorter than a small novel, I'll just focus on the major ones. The first is that it was almost guaranteed to be a good time. So many of our close friends that we have back here in Omaha were going to be there that it would be nearly impossible not to have fun. Second, we've been looking forward to this wedding for a loooooooooooong time. Seriously, it was a long time coming. Take it from someone who dated the same girl off and on from 1995 to 2002 before finally getting hitched. I have a special affinity for these two, as they were the only couple that I knew that dated longer before getting married (for which they'll also always have my gratitude, since they took some of the heat off). I know it sounds like I'm giving them shit here, and maybe I am just a little bit, but I also know from experience that everything has it's time and place. I know that Megan and I could not have gotten married any sooner. We just weren't ready. Knowing that, and seeing that Katie and Josh are actually married now, I should probably stop teasing them about it, but I just couldn't help one last dig. Which brings us to the final reason we were looking forward to the wedding, which quite simply, is that it was Katie and Josh. I mean, who wouldn't be excited to see them get married? Yeah, yeah, people who don't actually know them, sure, but people that do know them? I'd be willing to bet that there aren't any out there (and if there are, let me know and I'll go straighten the out). Katie and Josh have become two of my favorite people, and like all of Megan's former high school friends and their partners that I have gotten to know better since getting married, I am extremely grateful for their friendship. I couldn't have been happier to see them tie the knot.

Anyhow, not only did we get invited to the wedding, Megan and I both were asked to take part in it. Megan was asked to be a bridesmaid and I got be an usher. I was, of course, honored, but was a little disappointed when I found out that being an usher had nothing to with Usher, as I had originally thought. I had already bought some new shades and was working on my rendition of "My Boo," when I found out that I would simply be escorting people to their seats. Which ended up being sort of blessing in disguise, since I hadn't yet found anyone to sing the Alicia Keys' part of the song. And at least I would get to wear a tux and hopefully not make an ass out of myself like I had the previous week. You see, being an usher meant that I could still look dapper and just hang back and not have to worry about how to enter the sanctuary, because I would be one of the first ones in there.

Being part of the wedding party had other benefits as well. Top of the list? Good food. The rehearsal dinner was at Lo Sole Mio, the best Italian joint in town, if not one of the best restaurants in town period. Dinner was a raucous affair, full of a bit of roasting of the couple as well as a couple of very moving toasts and a video slideshow that was head and shoulders above mine and Megan's. The only awkward moment (for me at least) was when I got carded at the bar. The bartender didn't think I matched the picture on my ID and I spent several minutes convincing her it was me. I even had to take off my glasses, show her my wedding band, and tell her that I had been married for almost 5 years before she would serve me. I had more trouble getting a drink than I had getting in and out of the country on our honeymoon! Anyhow, the food was delicious and the evening was great.

But the great food and didn't stop there. The next morning I met the rest of the guys in the wedding party at the Market Basket for breakfast. Having never been to the Market Basket, and not being a huge french toast fan, I took a gamble and ordered the Normandy Toast, which turned out to be the best french toast I ever had in my life. It was almost worth the wait. I say almost because our entire party ordered their food by 10:30 and it didn't start showing up at our table until 11:45. Since we were supposed to be at the church no later than 12:30 for pictures, and none of us came dressed in our tuxes, we were not pleased. A couple of guys had to cancel their orders and take off and I thought Mike Thomsen was going to hurt somebody when his order showed up and was not what he was expecting to say the least. I thought Josh was going have a heart attack. I ate my food in record time, which severely diminished my ability to enjoy it and I left vowing never to return to the Market Basket. To be fair, they've now earned a reprieve as they sent Josh a $100 gift certificate to make it right. And thanks in large part to some GTA-style driving by ace driver Jeff Cowman we were able to arrive at the church before too late and had more than enough time for pictures. My only concern was that this was not a precursor for the rest of the day.

My concerns proved to be unfounded as the wedding went off without a hitch. I was particularly impressed by how none of the groomsmen looked lost, as they were able to escort the bridesmaids down the aisle and didn't have to enter from a side door. Good plan. Katie was one of the most radiant brides I have ever seen. The bridesmaids, for their part, were all beautiful as well, especially Megan Thom. After taking one look at her, let me tell you, I knew which bridesmaid I'd be sleeping with! (Hey now! Before you get any ideas, she's a married woman! Besides we were sharing a room downtown with another couple, so get your minds out of the gutter.) And as far as ushering goes, my fellow ushers and I kicked it's ass. Let me tell you, we ushered like no one has ushered before. So, if you're thinking about having me in your wedding, I make a better usher than a groomsman. That is, unless I'm the Best Man. Just ask Zach or Max. Better yet, just ask Max. Better yet, I make a better usher...

The rest of the night is a blur. There were limo rides, more pictures, champaign, food, dancing, and post-reception drinking. Everyone I know had a great time. Plus, I got to sleep with a bridesmaid! How much better can you get? It was truly a wonderful way to end our wedding escapades which were beginning to make us feel a bit like Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. We both wish Katie and Josh all the best and look forward to our next round of weddings next year. In the meantime, Megan and I will be taking a break from the wedding circuit. Until then I guess I'll have to post about other stuff. Maybe Megan and I should take another vacation...

Wedding Bells and Southern Bells

2006-10-31T14:55:00.000-06:00

Weddings are a tricky thing to write about. You talk about how beautiful and moving they are and you end up sounding trite. If you talk about what you yourself did at the wedding and you sound like a self-absorbed jerk. But, since being self-absorbed is what blogs are all about, I really don't have much of a choice...

Megan and I woke up the Friday before Nate and Katie's wedding at around o'dark thirty, or maybe it was closer to 4:00 AM... Whatever the case we made our way to the airport in Orlando and were sat waiting for our plane shortly after 6:00 AM. Sleep deprivation tends to make me antsy, as once I sit still my body realizes how tired it really is. So, I walked the concourse and perused the magazines where I found that the news vendor carried Uncut. I was impressed, and was about to purchase a copy when the cashier announced that the credit card machine was down. Since I was out of cash I wandered over to Seattle's Best and bought a latte. When I walked past the news vendor again, I noticed that not only was the credit card machine now working, but they had just replaced the issue of Uncut that I first saw with Kurt Cobain on the cover, with the most recent, hot-off-the presses issue. On the cover? Oasis. Now, you might wonder why I related to you, the reader, such a long aside. Well, simply put, it's because this was obviously a sign. A sign from on high, that God, Fate, Yahweh, whatever, was not only smiling on me, but would smile upon the forthcoming nuptials. I'm serious. If Jesus could turn water into wine, why couldn't some higher power turn Cobain into Oasis? Truly, I had witnessed a miracle.

When I returned to the pre-boarding area, I found Megan deep in conversation with a woman from Florence, Alabama. Since our flight was taking us into Birmingham, it was truly a stroke of luck, especially since the woman gave Megan detailed directions on getting from Birmingham to Florence. What made the encounter so lucky? Well, as we would soon discover, the directions Megan got from Google Maps sucked. Again. After we picked up our luxury sedan rental car (hey, they upgraded us for free! By the way, what do suppose happens if you rent a luxury sedan in the first place and they upgrade you? It's too bad I'll never find out...) we tried following Google Maps convoluted directions and ended up on the wrong side of Birmingham. Now, I don't know if Birmingham even has a right side, but let me tell you, we sure as hell weren't in it. Oh, and did I mention we were in a LUXURY SEDAN? Needless to say, I was not getting out to ask anyone for directions. We ultimately made it back on the interstate without incident, and I set my sights on the one place I wanted to go more than anywhere else on our trip: Waffle House.

After passing many Waffle Houses on the way to Florence, I was itching for my fix, but Megan wasn't in the mood for greasy, maple syrup-flavored love. After some debate we finally settled on Taco Bell. We pulled off of the interstate into the Taco Bell parking lot and directly behind it, as if placed there specifically for me, stood a Waffle House in all it's glory. Megan and split up for lunch and she got her fix and I got mine. The day was back on track.

The woman from the airport's directions got us to our hotel in Florence with no problems. Once there we met up with our friends also coming in from out of town. We hung out for a while, then Megan went to our room to relax while Nick and I picked up our tuxes. That errand out of the way, we returned to the hotel to get ready for the rehearsal and the subsequent rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal turned out to be a bit of a fiasco, as the minister didn't seem to have a clear idea of what he was supposed to be doing, let alone me or my fellow groomsmen. The wedding coordinator at one point had us walk down the aisle single file, after the bridesmaids had done the same. This seemed really strange to me, as I had always seen the groomsmen escort the bridesmaids down the aisle, not follow them. Never one to want to ruin somebody's wedding, I asked Nate if we shouldn't run through it again, and he shrugged and said "Nah." That ended up being something of a mistake...

After the rehearsal, Nick, Max, and I all rode back from the church to the hotel together. In the car Nick asked us if he'd told us about how Nate asked him to be Best Man. When Max and I replied that he hadn't, Nick says, "It was 5 minutes ago when the minister said where the Best Man was supposed to stand and Nate said 'I guess that's you Best Man'." Classic.

The rehearsal dinner was a nice affair, and it was great to finally get to meet Nate's dad and stepmom. Katie's family seemed pretty great, too, and they did a terrific job of making all of us from out of town feel welcome. There were Polaroid cameras for us to play around with and Max I spent most of our time at the head table screwing around taking pictures, experimenting on the Polaroid emulsion, and making "witty" comments on the photos. After the dinner, we made our way back to the hotel bar and hung out until we were asked to leave after I brought beer from our room out onto the patio. Megan went to bed, and I ended up staying up late with Nick, Zach, and Christine trying unsuccessfully to help Nick with his Best Man speech.

The next morning was a bit rough, not because I was hung over or anything, but because I had gotten so little rest the entire week (especially the night before) and it was beginning to catch up with me. Max and I drove Nate to the reception site where we waited for someone to tell us what to do. With wedding time fast approaching, we decided we were done waiting and made our way to the church with the rest of the groomsmen in tow. We arrived, apparently, not a moment too soon, as the videographer and Katie's dad started in on Nate almost immediately. To be fair, Katie's dad mostly seemed to just be giving Nate a hard time, whereas the videographer seemed to be having an aneurysm. Whoops. We were all taken into the church through the back into a small room where the minister had us all join hands and pray. He then, rather nonchalantly, led us out of the room through a small door. Much to my chagrin, that door led us into the front of the sanctuary. I'd just like to take a moment right here to thank the minister for the head's up.

Now, this was NOT what we rehearsed. the groomsmen weren't even in any sort of order. Luckily, Nick had been first to follow Nate out, and even he later told me that he thought they were just going into another room and was surprised when we walked out to see everyone seated for the wedding looking at us. Now, I was right behind Nick and I froze. I had no idea what to do, since again, this was NOT what we rehearsed. My brain was stuck trying to decide whether I should turn around, keep following Nick, or walk up the side aisle so we could come down the center aisle like we HAD rehearsed. Yeah, that last one would have looked really, really, really, really stupid, I know, but hey I was panicking. Just as my brain unfroze, and I started to turn back to ask the person behind me what to do, I got stiff-armed in my back and shoved towards the alter. It was Max, and he had once again saved my ass, by giving it a much-needed kick.

The rest of the wedding went much smoother, with one exception. When the minister told everyone that they could be seated, none of the bridesmaids or groomsmen knew what to do (This is why I take exception to Katie saying that the groomsmen just weren't paying attention at the rehearsal). Since Nick, being the Best Man was now up at the alter with Katie and Nate, I was now at the head of the groomsmen and they were all following my lead. Trying once again not to panic, I looked across the aisle at the bridesmaids, only to see that they were all leaning forward trying to see what we were doing. Deciding to take the lead on this one, lest I get shoved once again, I began sit down as slowly as possible. By that I mean, I sort of did this half crouch thing and ever so slowly turned to sit, all the while keeping my eye on the minister for some sort of sign as to whether or not I was following the proper protocol. If anyone was paying attention, they probably thought I had hemorrhoids or something, but really I was trying to put myself in a position where I could jump back up at a moments notice. I would have felt all the more silly had I not noticed that all of the bridesmaids were mimicking my ridiculous movements. As it happened, however, it was the right call and I was finally able to relax and stop worrying about screwing things up any further.

The wedding itself, of course, was beautiful. The ceremony was presided over by the aforementioned minister and a catholic priest. Nate had been nervous the entire weekend, and I could see him finally relax and get lost in the moment. Katie made for a beautiful and graceful bride and seeing their mutual happiness as they exchanged vows left me a little misty eyed. The whole experience left me even more upset that Nate's mom couldn't be there to share in the moment. I know it's a strange thing to say, but I got to see a side of Nate that day that I had never seen before and he made me proud. Proud not only for him and Katie, but proud that those of us from back home could be there for him. It felt, to me at least, that we had moved from being friends to being sort of family. That sort of thing doesn't happen every day, and it made the wedding all the more special.

After the wedding we moved on to the reception which was over in record time. During the short time spent at the reception, I managed to eat about 3 lbs. of cheese and was left somewhat bemused by the wedding band's choice to play Ryan Adams' "Come Pick Me Up." Turns out after hearing the band's version of the Jayhawks' "Tampa To Tulsa," Megan was encouraged to ask them to play something "appropriate" from the Ryan Adams catalogue. Now, I love me some Ryan Adams, but of any song that could be deemed appropriate for a wedding reception, the lyrics of "Come Pick Me Up" put it near the very bottom of the list (somewhere just below TLC's "Creep" and just above Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me.") After the reception, Nate and Katie had a dinner for the wedding party and assorted other out of town guests at a local Italian restaurant called Ricatoni's. It was a good time and the highlight came when Nick finally got deliver his Best Man speech. After we all had our fill of pizza, pasta, and alcohol, most of us called it a night. Some of the more adventurous among us made their way to a bar called Big Ed's, but Megan and I were too exhausted. It sounds like Big Ed's was quite an experience, and I'm truly sorry to have missed out. But knowing my luck, it sounds like I probably would have also gotten arrested, so it's probably a good thing that Megan and I just went to bed.

The next morning Megan and I had brunch with Tim and Shanna and afterwards began our long journey back home. In all, it was a great weekend and the best possible way to end our vacation. As much fun as we had, however, Megan and I were definitely looking forward to getting back home and, ironically since we were just on vacation, getting some much needed down time. After all, we needed to be back on top of our game for our next wedding the following weekend.

Seriously, Where Was I? Part V

2006-10-24T09:01:00.000-05:00

Our final day of theme park madness was spent at Disney-MGM Studios. Of all the parks that we visited that comprise DisneyWorld, this one seemed like the one with the least to do. Which isn't to say that we didn't have any fun, because we certainly did, but if you only have a couple of days to spend at DisneyWorld, I would either suggest getting a Park Hopper Pass and visiting Disney-MGM Studios on the same day as another park, or if time and money are really short, skipping it altogether. It would be especially worth skipping if you are bound and determined to visit Universal Studios: Florida, as Disney-MGM is clearly based on the Universal model.

I know that it sounds like I'm slagging off Disney-MGM Studios, but that's not really my intent. In fact, if I had to choose between Universal Studios and Disney-MGM, I'd probably have to pick Disney-MGM. Despite the similarities in both parks being essentially the same in that they are both meant to resemble a movie studio backlot, Disney-MGM gets the edge for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that, like all the Disney theme parks, Disney-MGM has top notch animatronics. The second reason, is that unlike Universal Studios (not to be confused with Islands of Adventure), Disney-MGM has a couple of great thrill rides.

That's right, for some reason, Disney decided to put it's two best thrill rides in MGM Studios. The first of which Megan and I rode was the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster. The set up fro the ride is that you're touring a recording studio where Aerosmith is recording. At the last minute, you and your fellow riders are invited to ride along with Aerosmith to their concert. The rollercoaster itself is meant to resemble a stretch limo and the ride is meant to simulate a ride to the concert through the streets of LA. The ride, no pun intended, rocks. Much like Space Mountain, it's an enclosed coaster almost entirely in the dark, which again, keeps riders from knowing what to expect and punches the thrill factor up a couple of notches. Unlike Space Mountain, however, the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster also features a couple of inversions, which, for those of you not "in the know," means the ride goes upside down. Those inversions, coupled with the speed of the ride, definitely make the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster the most thrilling rollercoaster I've ridden at Disney. That said, I still think I prefer Space Mountain for it's retro-future design, but that's probably just me.

The other thrill ride that gives Disney-MGM it's edge over Universal is The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. The ride itself is housed in a replica of a 1930s Hollywood Hotel. And let me tell you, the design of the ride it definitely something to behold. The attention to detail in not only making an effective old-style grand hotel, but giving the illusion that it is one that has fallen into disrepair, is truly awe-inspiring. I'd ride this ride multiple times just so I could look at it.

The premise of this ride is that the passengers are on an elevator that takes them into the Twilight Zone. Riders are led by a bellhop into an elevator car and strapped in. The car then moves through a set featuring weird, Twilight Zone effects. Finally, a door opens, and riders can see that they're looking out over the park from several stories up. Then, almost before you have time to register what's going on, the car drops. And it drops fast. After the first plunge the car raises and drops several more times putting the riders again and again through freefall, simulating the out-of-control elevator it's meant to be, before finally coming to rest at the ground floor. Normally, I don't like these kind of rides. They make my stomach feel like I left it somewhere at the top of the drop and it's having an out-of-body experience. But I really dug The Tower of Terror. Maybe it's because of the ride's unique design, or maybe it's because it's a Disney ride and therefore less intense than others like it. Whatever the case, it had Megan and I going back for more.

Now, I know that I keep going on and on about Disney's animatronics, but the one's featured on The Great Movie Ride are really something special. This ride takes it's passengers led by a tour guide through different sets replicating famous movies or simply different genres of movies. The best animatronics are John Wayne in the Western portion of the ride, and James Cagney in the gangster movie portion. The gangster portion also features a pretty nifty live-action/animatronic shoot-out where the ride is "hijacked" by an actor playing a mobster. It's a fun little ride that will make any movie fan smile, especially those who enjoy animatronics. This might sound like a small demographic, but then again, there's a reason that DisneyWorld is the world's number one theme park.

While not most people don't associate Muppets with animatronics, Disney-MGM has a show featuring them as well. Megan and I checked out MuppetVision 3D which is essentially 3D movie featuring the Muppets, with animatronics and live actors in Muppet costumes participating along in the theatre. The theatre itself is pretty neat, deigned to resemble the one featured on the Muppet Show I enjoyed in my youth, complete with animatronic versions of the Muppet Show's resident theatre critics, Staler and Waldorf, in a balcony box. The movie is charming and funny, so much so, that it made the attraction almost melancholy to me. I know that sounds rather incongruous, but hear me out. The whole display was actually put together by the now deceased Jim Henson and it shows. For whatever reason, he brought something special to the Muppets than has been sorely missed since his death. The magic of MuppetVision 3D reminded me of how great the Muppets used to be, and how much I miss Jim Henson's unique genius. Leave it to me to be depressed by the Muppets.

Almost immediately after watching the Muppets in all their 3D glory, Megan and I split up. Megan went to see some Beauty and The Beast musical number or somesuch, whereas I went to complete a dream I've had since 1987. That dream, my friends, was riding Star Tours. As many of you know, I am a huge Star Wars nerd, and I can't tell you how much I've always wanted to ride Star Tours. I first heard about it when some kids from my old neighborhood rode it back in the day. Their descriptions of flying along on the famous Death Star run from the original Star Wars filled my imagination with the coolest ride ever imagined. I couldn't wait to ride this thing!

But wait I did. I waited nearly 20 years to ride Star Tours. And as you would probably expect, I was pretty disappointed. The ride is really just a simulator, with an animatronic robot tour guide, which takes rider on a Star Wars-based adventure through space. It's cool enough, but since I've ridden several other simulators throughout the years, this one feels pretty much like more of the same. Granted, this is the only simulator I've ridden with ILM created effects, but even those can't save the whole thing from feeling more than a little dated. I'm sure that if I rode it back in '87 I would have loved it, but the simple fact that it existed solely in my imagination for so long set such a high bar that it would have been impossible for it to live up to. Still, much like Megan's finally get to eat at EPCOT's Resturant Marrakesh, I was able to cross another childhood fantasy off the list. Not only that, but I'm especially glad to have had the chance to ride it, since, as I understand it, Lucas is developing a new Star Tours ride, which will be prequel-based and simulate a pod race. It would have been hard to imagine a way to make Star Tours more disappointing, but luckily, Lucas has gone ahead and done it for me.

Well, that's it. There were other things to see at the park, like various shows, but Megan and I weren't really too keen on checking any of them out, so we split. We wanted to get back to the condo with time to recover and pack (and in Megan's case watch Grey's Anatomy). As much fun as we had, we were really looking forward to what was to come and the real purpose of our trip, Nate and Katie's wedding.

Seriously, Where Was I? Part IV

2006-10-23T09:27:00.000-05:00

Our entrance into the Magic Kingdom was a pretty neat experience. The assembled crowd all stood behind a velvet rope waiting for park to open and together we all counted down aloud the final 10 seconds before the world-famous "rope drop." Once again the look of excitement on all the kids' eyes waiting to enter the park was more than a little infectious. Megan especially loved the ritual and I was the happiest I was on the trip seeing her let her inner child come out. Once inside, I was immediately transported back to my 4th grade self walking into Disneyland for the first time. It was a nice moment, marred only slightly when I remembered that there were no Matterhorn Bobsleds.

I think Megan and I hit just about every ride in the Magic Kingdom, except for the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride and the Mad Tea Party teacups ride. I'm sure there were other rides we skipped, but Dear Lord, did we ride a lot of rides. The funny thing is, I distinctly remember going to Disneyland as a 4th-grader and being there, but I only remember riding 4 rides. In a fashion, my 4th-grade self is a little jealous, but my 29-year-old self wishes they still had the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride that I rode the Disneyland counterpart of. In a way, I think it may be better that they don't, as I'm almost positive I would be disappointed if I rode it again now.

I say almost positive because my favorite Disneyland ride remained my favorite Magic Kingdom ride. That ride was The Haunted Mansion. It's probably silly that I like it so much, but I find this track ride's "spooky" animatronics and holograms charming. And not only that, but some of the effects there are still pretty cool, making me marvel at how innovative Disney rides must be when they're created. Despite the ride being pretty much the same, I do have to give it up to DisneyWorld for having a spookier looking mansion than Disneyland. Another ride I remembered from childhood that remained a favorite was Pirates of the Caribbean. Another track ride, this one takes you through different settings filled with animatronic pirates up to no good. This, like Haunted Mansion, seemed pretty much the same, with one major difference: the addition of Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow. Truly an animatronic marvel, Capt. Jack is so realistic, I was left wondering that maybe it wasn't actually animatronic, but a down-on-his-luck Skeet Ulrich instead. The last ride I remembered riding in my youth at Disneyland was the Jungle Cruise. This ride is worth riding if only for it's historic value. The ride has remained unchanged since it's inception in 1955, and as a result delves into unmitigated cheese. The tour guide on the river boat that takes you through the ride revels in it's cheesiness and delivers an unrelenting stream of bad puns that invites you to laugh at the rides silliness. Needless to say, I ate it up.

Megan and I rode many more track rides that I can't believe I didn't ride as a child. The most notable being Peter Pan's Flight, it's a small world, and Splash Mountain. Peter Pan was notable not only because the set and animatronics so meticulously captured the look and feel of the Peter Pan animated movie, but also because the car that takes you through the ride is suspended above it so you get to look down on the action below. "it's a small world" was notable, on the other hand, not for how fun it was, but rather by how annoying. I understand that at some point, I'll probably ride this "attraction" again with my kids, but it's not something I look forward to. I can admit that I appreciate the sentiment behind the ride, which preaches that no matter where we live or what we look like , we're all in this together. But the cutesy design of the animatronics and sets was so sweet, I almost went into insulin shock. And if ever hear that friggin' "it's a small world after all" refrain again, in any of the various languages it's repeated ad naseum throughout the ride, it will be too soon. Seriously, I can't believe I've never heard a report of one of the Disney workers for the ride going postal and smashing the crap out of the ride. I know I wanted to, and I was only around it for 10 minutes, let alone the whole day! Never one to let creepy animatronic children spoil my day, I did manage to get a kick out of Splash Mountain. My favorite part of the ride came not from the big, flume ride splash at the end, but from the animatronic Song of the South portion at the beginning. Song of the South was one of my favorite Disney movies of my childhood, long before I became aware what terms like "racial insensitivity" even meant. As a child, I had memorized nearly all the words to "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" and never gave it any thought that aspects of the film could be seen as racist. Therefore, it is sad to me that the animated characters from the film will never be seen by any generation after mine, aside from in this ride. On the same token, I can see why Disney is reluctant to re-issue a film with a character/foil for Br'er Rabbit called Tar Baby. Tar Baby, by the way, is no where to be seen on Splash Mountain, which is probably for the best, as I wouldn't want to even try to explain the metaphorical aspects of the term versus it's racial implications to the attraction's young riders. It was, however, a pleasant experience getting to revisit my childhood friends, if only as part of a theme park ride.

Spending most of the revisiting childhood memories was certainly a worthwhile experience, but what made our day at Magic Kingdom the most gratifying was riding the rides that had scared the bajeezus out of me to the point that I wouldn't even consider riding them as a child. These rides, while tame when compared to rides found at other parks, I would still categorize as thrill rides. The first was Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, a rollercoaster which simulates a runaway train. The design of the ride is pretty nifty, taking you through Old West-style towns and a deserted mine, but the actual ride is nothing to write home about. Even though a little girl in the car behind us didn't seem to think so, it's tame enough to be an almost all-ages ride. The other ride I took a pass on as a youth made for a much more exciting experience, and that's Space Mountain. In my mind, although it's pretty tame, Space Mountain stands alone as the Magic Kingdom's sole thrill ride that would be at home at almost any amusement park. Since the ride is almost completely in the dark it keeps it's riders off-balance and unexpectant on what's coming next. Plus, the design of the ride and it's space effects make me almost wish that I had ridden it when I was younger. I say almost, because it probably would have scared the crap out of me. Not necessarily literally scare the crap out of me, but you never know.

Aside from the rides, Megan and I took in several animatronic shows. We saw the The Enchanted Tiki Room (Under New Management), the Country Bear Jamboree, the Hall of Presidents, and the Carousel of Progress. The Tiki Room and the Country Bear Jamboree were decent, mildly entertaining, and had animatronics miles ahead of anything you'd see at ShowBiz Pizza Place or Chuck E Cheese's. That said, if you don't have kids, they're definitely not must-see attractions (your time would be better spent riding Space Mountain again). However, both the Hall of Presidents and Carousel of Progress are definitely worth you time. The Hall of Presidents features all 42 U.S. presidents in a truly amazing animatronic display. Each president moves, gestures, and even appears to breathe in an incredibly lifelike manner. President Lincoln and President G.W. Bush are especially impressive, as they have the most to say and do. Almost as impressive is the blatantly anti-racist message the pervades the display that proves propaganda can indeed be a positive force. Less impressive, but still cool in it's own way is the Carousel of Progress. The attraction was original created by Walt Disney himself for the 1964/65 World's Fair and was to highlight changes in technology in the modern household. To tell the story of technology's progression, the theatre itself actually rotated around a stage which displayed an American family enjoying state-of-the-art conveniences for their respective time periods of 1900s, 1920s, 1940s, and 1960s. Today, though, the 1960s family has been replaced by a 2000s family, and it makes the jump from the 40s kind of jarring. Still, the show features pretty impressive animatronics, and an undeniable charm. Unfortunately, it also features the second most annoying song I heard that day, "There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow."

Once again, Megan and I left worn out but happy. Our enthusiasm for amusement parks was also beginning to wane. Not by much, mind you, but enough so that our visit to Disney-MGM Studios would be the shortest of any of our days spent at the parks.

Seriously, Where Was I? Part III

2006-10-17T16:36:00.000-05:00

Ever since our trip to Magic Mountain, Megan and I have been talking about DisneyWorld. Megan couldn't believe that I had actually been to DisneyWorld, but only went to EPCOT. In my defense, EPCOT remained my favorite part of DisneyWorld after this trip, and as I kept telling her, I had already been to Disneyland. Since Megan is somewhat of a DisneyWorld snob, she would inform that even though DisneyWorld's Magic Kingdom was essentially the same as Disneyland (minus the Matterhorn Bobsleds, which as I see it, puts Disneyland up one fairly notable ride), DisneyWorld is better because it's newer and Disneyland "is dirtier." Besides, she added, did I ever even ride the Matterhorn, or Space Mountain? I thought that her criticisms of Disneyland being inferior and dirtier were a bit unfair since she had never been there, nor ridden the Matterhorn herself, and that Disneyland was still the number 2 theme park in the world. Besides, since Disneyland came before DisneyWorld, it had more history. But I had to concede that Megan did have a point, I had never ridden the world famous rides created for the Disney theme parks (heck, I was too afraid to even get my picture taken with Donald Duck) and DisneyWorld seemed as good a place as any to rectify that (Minus the Matterhorn Bobsleds, of course).

DisneyWorld is a crazy place. It's simultaneously symbolizes the best and worst that the culture of our country has to offer. By that I mean, it's easy to see why people hold it in such disdain with it's overblown merchandising, corporate sponsorships, overwhelming happiness, and forced unreality. However, if you're able to check your cynicism at the gate, it can truly be a magical place. In other words, if you enter DisneyWorld wanting to hate it, it's easy to do so; on the other hand, if you walk in with an open mind, you will find it just as easy to be swept up in it's wonder. For me it was impossible to not be charmed by the vision of what Disney set out to accomplish, especially while seeing kids from all around world smiling with wide-eyed glee. In fact, I know that I probably had the same look on my face for most of the time I was there (which probably let some people at least to think I was mentally challenged).

Our first day at DisneyWorld was a long one spent entirely at EPCOT. EPCOT stands for "Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow", which by the way, is a terrible acronym. I mean, what sort of community consists of theme park rides? Sure they grow their own food there (in research facility co-sponsored by NASA, which you can tour on the Living With The Land ride), but how would their economy work? And what about schools? I certainly didn't see a "Magic of Mathematics" ride or a "English Equals Excitement" ride. To be fair, I guess the original vision Uncle Walt had for EPCOT changed after his death, but maybe they should have changed the name as well. Whatever the case, we got there at 9:00 AM and didn't leave until after the IllumiNations fireworks/multi-media display at 9:00 PM. It made for a long day, but it was a good one. After the non-stop thrill rides of Islands of Adventure the day before, the rides at EPCOT were almost downright relaxing in comparison. However, thrill rides aren't exactly Disney's forte, and EPCOT is intended to be more along the lines of edutainment than excitement. That said, they do have a ride that's may have killed at least 2 people, called Mission: Space.

Mission: Space is a pretty cool ride. The fact the people may have died because of it, made me more than a little nervous, though before I rode it. Essentially, it's a simulator that has centrifuge design that spins you around to simulate g-force, while the screen makes it seem like you're flying rather that simply spinning around in a circle. I had a blast, but was glad that Megan chose to ride the newer, less intense version. Since that ride almost made her sick, I don't want to think about how she would of felt on the version I rode.

Despite the fun we had riding rides like Mission: Space and Test Track (basically a glorified GM commercial that simulates the testing done on cars. Still fun, though.), I think that I enjoyed the animatronic track rides the best. These rides take riders through what are essentially moving dioramas featuring animatronics. Some might find them kitschy or even downright cheesy, but to me they exist in their own category: disney. It's definitely hard to explain, because they are kind of kitschy and cheesy, but they're so well done, that it's hard not to celebrate their fakiness (I think I just made up a word there, but it fits). My favorite of these has to be Spaceship Earth, which resides in the giant golf-ball looking structure most people associate with EPCOT. The rides takes you through the history of communication, from cave painting, to hieroglyphics, to the Roman Empire, up through the printing press, to telecommunications and the internet. All in animatronic glory. What I love most about the ride is it's retro-futuristic design. I love seeing things that give you an idea of what the people of the past thought that future would look like. For instance, I'm sure that the people who designed the geodesic sphere that houses the ride thought it was futuristic, when to everyone today it just looks like a golf ball.

My other favorite track ride was Malestrom. This ride is housed in the Norway pavilion in the World Showcase area of the park. I liked it because the set designs and animatronics were the coolest our time at the Disney parks. Plus you've got to give props to a ride that combines the mythological past of a country, with it's actual current day incarnations, even if, as was the case of this ride, it didn't really seem to make much sense. In fact, I think the kids who rode it were especially confused by trying to figure out what exactly trolls and vikings had to do with off shore oil drilling. I'm not quite sure about how that works either, but for some reason the rides incongruities made me love it even more. I mean, where else but at DisneyWorld would you find something like this?

Speaking of the World Showcase, in my mind, it's definitely the highlight of EPCOT. The world showcase is modeled after World's Fairs of times past with different countries represented in their own pavilions. The Showcase features Mexico, Norway, China, Germany, Italy, United States of America, Japan, Morocco, France, the United Kingdom, and Canada. Truly a strange selection of countries to be sure. I mean, most of them I understand, but Norway and Morocco? I guess it came down to who could pony up the cash to sponsor the pavilions, but they definitely seem a little out of place. At any rate, each pavilion is designed really well, with architecture and flourishes that are really quite effective capturing the flavor of the countries they represent. They even employ people for the pavilions from the actual countries, with the acrobats from China definitely those most worth mentioning. You can tell a lot of thought and planning went into the World Showcase. The best example of this being that you can actually see the Disney/MGM Studios ride The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror from Morocco, but it's designed so that it looks like it belongs in the Moroccan skyline.

Aside from the nifty architecture and ambiance, what makes the World Showcase so great, is that it clearly has adults in mind. Megan and I were there during a month long wine tasting event and there were food and drinks from all around the world. I was definitely pleased with being able to buy a 24 oz glass of Stella in the UK pavilion. I also enjoyed the Kringla Bakeri og Kafe in Norway where Megan and I shared a pastry and chocolate mousse. The shops are also cool, especially with shops in the UK and Germany loaded with soccer jerseys and t-shirts. I was especially impressed with the Germany shops, as they had an overabundance of Adidas apparel, including a t-shirt too cool for yours truly to pass up. In fact, the only disappointment came when we had dinner in Morocco at Resturant Marrakesh.

To be fair the food at Resturant Marrakesh wasn't all bad. The soup, rice, and dessert were all delicious (all of which made me miss a now closed Omaha restaurant Afghani Kabob, even more). But the main entree of the sort-of-sampler platters we ordered was pretty lackluster. The chicken was alright, but the lamb bordered on inedible. It was definitely filling, but the price coupled with the fact that it suffered by comparison to the tasty lunch we had earlier in the day at Sunshine Seasons food court in The Land section of the park, left us less than satisfied. That said, it was better than a hot dog and a pretzel, and It was a place that Megan had always wanted to go, so we were able to cross it of the list. However, if we ever go back, I'll want to grab a bite in France, or at least Mexico or China. If there's one thing it's hard to screw up, it's tacos and sesame chicken.

Megan and I kicked around the World Showcase for the better part of the night, waiting for the IllumiNations to bring our day to a close. At one point, however, Megan was getting cold so I offered to trek back to the car to retrieve a jacket for her. I left her seated at an outdoor cafe, and told her not to move and I would be back in about an hour. We were parked pretty close, but I would probably have to walk a couple of miles all told from where we were, out the gate and back. Plus I wanted to see if I could squeeze in one more ride of Mission: Space. After riding Mission: Space again, I made my way to the gate. I asked the guy manning the gate what I needed to get back in, I was thinking a stamp on the hand would do. I was informed that all I needed was my ticket. Unfortunately, Megan had our tickets, so I had to trek all the back to Megan sans coat. I can't put it into words the look of relief on Megan's face when I got back. Minutes after I left, Megan realized that she had both of the tickets, and had been worried that I had left EPCOT without realizing I couldn't get back in. She had spent the last hour or so imagining me standing outside EPCOT throwing my hands up and down shouting "Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!" Now, that may not be very, Disney-like behavior, but it's probably spot on, and it's not like I haven't done anything like that before. But, luckily for us, I actually asked someone before leaving the park.

Anyhow, it turned out to be a pleasant evening and Megan made it without a coat. We watched the IllumiNations display while Megan sipped a fruit smoothie and I sipped a mango margarita. It was nice, although I found the display a little disappointing. Still, it was a nice way to end the day, snuggled up with the missus and watching the fireworks light up her smiling face. It would have been even better, and downright romantic, if we weren't surrounded by bratty kids from Jersey and their jackass parents. But, like I said, DisneyWorld encapsulates everything that's good and bad about our culture, and the end of our day at IllumiNations was the perfect example of this.

We made our way back to the condo immediately after IllumiNations. We were beat. With all of the walking required in general, and my near mishap with leaving the park in particular, it's easy to see why some people say EPCOT stands for "Everybody Comes Out Tired." We went to bed exhausted and had no problems falling asleep, even though I could barely contain my excitement for the next day's journey to the Magic Kingdom...

Seriously, Were Was I? Part II

2006-10-17T14:58:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another installment in my continuing effort to fill people in on what I've been up to during my recent hiatus. I've already told you about my continuing battle to keep the lawn in check, but luckily for me it hasn't been all work and no play. Megan and I had been looking for the right time to escape for a few days and since our good friends Nathan Weinert and Katie Suttle were getting married in Alabama, we took that as excuse for a much needed vacation. I'll fill you in on Nate and Katie's wedding in a later post, but right now I'll share the details of what Megan and I were up to before that.

Megan and I decided that since we were heading South anyway, we'd take a little trip to Orlando and visit the theme parks, in particular Universal Islands of Adventure and "The Most Magical Place on Earth"© aka DisneyWorld. Now, I know that some of you are probably going "What the...?" at our choice, but let me give you a little background. First off, Megan and I love thrill rides. This is particularly amusing since Megan gets motion sick when riding in the front seat of a Jeep and I was once afraid of amusement park rides. Deathly afraid, in fact, until after we got married. Yes, I was still afraid of roller coasters when I was 24, alright! Quit snickering and we'll get on with it. Anyhow, I got over my fears at Cedar Poinin Sandusky, Ohio (which, for my money is the best roller coaster park in the world) and have been addicted ever since. Megan and I had such a good time there, that a couple of years later we checked out Magic Mountain in California as well. And since we were enjoying our time together at amusement parks so much, we decided to visit the Mecca of amusement parks, Orlando Florida.

Before leaving on our trip, Megan did some serious research on the best strategies for hitting the theme parks. She came up with a plan of attack that would have been the envy of any military strategist. Megan's plan not only broke down which parks to hit on which days, but the order in which to hit certain rides. The plan served us well, extremely well in fact, as we never waited in line for longer than 20 minutes (except when there were issues with the ride), but as with Napoleon and Waterloo, we had a bit of a misstep our first day there. We had wanted to hit The Disney Wildlife Refuge "on the way" from the airport to our condo, but due to bad Google Map directions, we ended up on a scenic drive that got us there too late. Undeterred, we stuck to our plan and were able to hit Universal Islands of Adventure the next morning running.

We got to Islands of Adventure the next morning just before it opened at 9:00 AM (after a wrong turn at DisneyWorld. Don't ask) and the first thing that struck me was the lack of a crowd. Since I had never been there before, I couldn't tell if it was because it wasn't that popular, or if the low numbers were due to it still being hurricane season. I'm willing to give Universal the benefit of the doubt here, since, as we would later find out, lines at DisneyWorld were abnormally short as well. The second thing was that how much of a wannabe DisneyWorld it was. To be fair, I think that most amusement parks are wannabe Disney Parks, but the way Islands was separeted into areas like Seuss Landing, Marvel Superhero Island, and Toon Lagoon really seemed to channel the way Disney's Magic Kingdom is separated into areas like Tomorrowland, Frontierland, and Fantasyland. The major differences being that Universal lacks the mystique and majesty of the Disney Parks and that their animatronics can't hold a candle to Disney's. Universal also dispenses with any veneer of being educational, which, depending on your point of view is either a plus or a minus.

One thing Islands definitely has going for it, though, are it's thrill rides. Sure, Universal makes a go of the family friendly stuff, but if you want that, go to Disney. If you're in Orlando, and you want thrill rides, Islands of Adventure is the place to be. The best of the bunch are the Incredible Hulk Coaster, the Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man, and the Dueling Dragons rollercoaster.

The Incredible Hulk Coaster is really just a run of the mill rollercoaster, but a damn fine one at that. By that I mean it doesn't really do anything fancy, you just buckle your safety belts, hang on, and enjoy the ride. It starts off by literally launching you up the track at around 60mph and doesn't seem to slow down until the ride comes to end. To be honest, I wasn't that impressed at first, but when we rode it a couple of more times, it grew on me. It was also the first ride we rode that day, and therefore the first ride of our vacation. It was definitely a heck of a way to kick things off.

The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man ride is sort of a simulator/track-ride hybrid that moves passengers around in a car through a set and incorporates projection screens and 3D effects to make it seem like you're in the middle of a fight between Spidey and some supervillains. It's hard to do it justice with words, but you can watch a video here. Even that video makes it look like it's just another simulator, but trust me, it's a one-of-a-kind ride that's innovative and almost worth the ticket to the park alone. It's so innovative, in fact, that I'd be surprised if Disney's Imagineers aren't working on similar rides for their parks. It's enough like a simulator, though, that it made Megan feel not-so-good, whereas I liked it enough to ride it twice.

That brings us to Dueling Dragons, which has a couple of things going for it. The first is that it's inverted, meaning instead of being in a car that sits on top of the track, the riders are suspended below the track with nothing but air under your feet. This is nothing new in the world of rollercoasters, but is definitely my favorite style. The second aspect that makes this coaster so fun is that ride actually consists otwo separateee coasters, switching back and forth close to each other, hence the "Dueling" part of Dueling Dragons. Both coasters are made to look like dragons as well, with one called Fire and the other Ice. Megan and I rode Ice only once, but took Fire for a spin three times. As you can probably tell by the fact that we rode multiple rides multiple times, we were not only having a good time, but because of Megan's game plan and low numbers of other riders, we pretty much had the run of the park.

Like I said, it was a good time, and if you're ever in the area and you like that sort of thing, you should check it out. However, it's not really worth making an entire trip for. Even with it's fair share of kickass rides, something that the more family friendly DisneyWorld doesn't really have, there's not really that much to do there. In fact, even with riding pretty much every ride at least once and riding certain rides several times, Megan and I left the park around 6:00. Which was nice, since we were able to recuperate somewhat before we left the real world behind for the "Magical World of Disney"©. More on that next time!

Seriously, Where Was I? Part I

2006-10-12T14:20:00.000-05:00

As I stated in my previous post, I've been away. Not just from the blog, but actually away on vacation. I'll get to the vacation bit in a later post, but I just thought I'd fill you in on what else is going on in my exciting life. It's not all jet-setting, caviar, champagne, and the mile-high club. In fact, and I know this will come as a shock to most of you, it's not any of those things (well, maybe it's a couple of those things). In actuality, my life has once again been consumed by yardwork.

Now, yardwork is one of those things that most of us do at some point in our lives. Even those of us who don't currently live in a house probably mowed the yard or did some raking growing up. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. But something funny has happened to me and the other guys I know who own houses: when we get together we talk about our yards. What is going on? Can you imagine anything more boring to talk about? I'm sure that you could if you really tried, but it's got to rank pretty high on the list of boring conversation topics. In fact, I can't believe I'm writing about it, much less that you're actually reading this!

And you know what makes it worse? We really get into it when when we're talking about. It's almost like war vets getting together and swapping stories. Spending almost obscene amounts of money on getting your lawn to look halfway decent become battle scars and badges of honor. It's gotten to the point that we talk about it when we should be having fun! The most egregious example of this has to be Josh's bachelor party. A group of us went to the Horseshoe Casino in Council Bluffs to celebrate Josh and Katie's upcoming nuptials and guess what we did? If you guessed act like drunken buffoons and howl at women, well, you'd at least have guessed what we were expected to be doing. Instead, we talked about aerating and overseeding! Now, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's definitely something I would never have seen myself doing even a year ago. I'm sure that to a septuagenarian that's a wild night out, but for a twentysomething, it's a bit hard to fathom. And that's not to say that Josh's party wasn't fun, it was a great time, but I'm just saying if you read a transcript of our discussion, you would have thought it was from a bridge club, not a bachelor party.

I'm not going to bore you any further by going into any great detail about what I've yardwork I've been doing, just that it involves aerating and overseeding. It's definitely something that needed to be done, but it's not actually something that needed to be done by me. You see, right now I have a contract with TrueGreen Chemlawn and they offer an aeration/overseeding service for just under $200. That sounded a little pricey, and with Megan and I go going on vacation, I thought I'd save us some money and do it myself. Didn't quite work out that way. No, I actually ended up spending more money by trying to do it myself. This is starting to become a pattern (Anyone remember when I tried to fix the toilet? After going through all of this with the toilet, I tried to fix it and then had to go through this). I'm beginning to think I'm a living Mastercard ad:

Aerating: $40

Seed: $130

Fertilizer: $50

Paying TrueGreen to do all of that for you for less money and so that you don't have to be out working in the yard so you could actually be crossing off one of the other ten million things from your to-do list? Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's Mastercard.

Okay, the "Priceless" part gets a bit wordy, but you get the point. The less of this crap I have to do the better, and if someone's out there that can do it cheaper, all the better. Oh, and next time you hear me talking about some home improvement project I'm about to undertake, do whatever is in your power to stop me. Remind me that I'm not in the least bit "handy," and that having someone else do it is probably a good idea. I'll thank you for it later.

Now, if I've just bored you to tears or if you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's a good thing. You're one of the lucky ones, because once you buy a house, and start having to maintain it, there's no turning back. There's no turning back and you become the very thing you swore you never would: your parents. Who needs Halloween? That's scary enough to keep me up at night...

Now, Where Was I?

2006-10-11T13:53:00.000-05:00

Turns out people actually read my blog and have been wondering why I haven't posted in a considerable amount of time (an entire month to be exact). The reasons are multiple, but mostly it's been a combination of being really busy and having a bit of writer's block.

I was talking about it with Megan last night, and I told her that I really don't know how columnists do it. They write about something every day. I'm sure that there's more of incentive there as they actually get paid to do it, whereas I obviously don't. But more than that, they are usually paid to write columns about rather specific stuff. You know, entertainment, politics, etiquette, etc. I, on the other hand get to write about whatever I want. And while this grants me with endless possibilities, for some reason I've really hard a hard time settling on something to write about.

So, I guess I'm asking for anyone that visits this blog to drop me a line and let me know what you the reader think. If you've read one of my posts and want more of something similar, or if there's something floating around out there you'd like to get my take on, just let me know. Any input will be greatly appreciated.

In the meantime, I've got a couple of topics up my sleeve that I'll be posting on shortly. Might not be until next week, though, as this weekend is shaping up to be rather busy with Katie and Josh's wedding festivities. I just wanted to drop by, say 'hi,' and let everyone who let me know that they missed me, that I missed them, too.

End Of An Era

2006-09-11T14:34:00.000-05:00

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Corinthians 13:11 (King James Version)

Let me just start off by saying that I have a hard time letting go of certain stuff. And I'm not talking about particularly useful stuff either. I'm pretty sure, for instance, that when Ben Franklin said "Waste not, want not," he was not referring to old books, comics, toys, or especially old video game systems. But when it comes to keeping useless stuff, those are the things that I really want to hang on to. Old clothes? Chuck 'em out. Resident Evil: Code Veronica for Sega Dreamcast? Hmm... Well, that's a tough one. Yeah, I know that I have 2 other, newer video game systems with newer Resident Evil games. So what if I haven't played Code Veronica for 7 years, or my Dreamcast for 4? I might want to at some point in the future. I mean if I've read a book and give it away, I can always check it out from the library, but if I give a video game or system away and I want to play them again, I'm screwed then aren't I? Deep down, I know that this is pretty stupid, but I can't help it.

Besides, the Dreamcast and I have shared so many great memories. Seriously, when I lived with Ryan Bruce and Ryan Davidson, our multiple video game systems were like roommates. We spent hours playing fighting games against each other, most notably the Street Fighter Alpha series on Bruce's Sega Saturn. This was the three of us at our most competitive, leading to a permanent Akuma vs. Ken (Bruce and Davidson's respective characters) tally on a dry erase board. And later, when we had all changed living arrangements (not because of animosity, but rather out of necessity), we would bring our controllers over to Davidson's and duke it out the Dreamcast playing Soul Caliber, Power Stone, and the Marvel Vs. Capcom series. And let me tell you, Marvel Vs. Capcom was ridiculous! The graphics were awesome and the gameplay was frenetic. Each player could switch back and forth between 3 different characters, tag-team style, as well as calling on your back up characters to assist the character you were currently using. It was absolute madness and it was definitely the most fun we had playing each other, mostly because it was so crazy, that it didn't feel like you were testing your skill against one another, you were just playing to have fun.

Fast forward to my life after graduating from college. Even when all my friends were still single, and we still had time to mess around playing video games multiple times a week, I had a tough time getting anyone back in Omaha to play me in fighting games. I think some of them may have even liked games like the Street Fighter series, none of them had played them for hours on end throughout college, which put them somewhat at a disadvantage. In short, I guess that I just wasn't that fun to play. Without any human competition to challenge me, I pretty much retired from the world of fighting games. Around the same time, even though it was a great system, support for the Dreamcast died out as well. So, with no one to fight me and with no new games coming out, my Dreamcast had essentially been gathering dust for a couple of years. Even though the world and I had moved on to newer systems like the PS2 and the Game Cube, I just couldn't bring myself to party with my ol' Dreamcast.

While I may have retired from playing fighting games, there are still a couple of games I still get into. For some reason, college football video games have filled the void left by Street Fighter. True, beginning with the somewhat awkwardly titled College Football's National Championship for Sega Genesis in 1994, I have pretty much bought a college football video game every year since, but more recently, my brother and I have been almost religious in our devotion to EA Sports' NCAA Football series for the PS2. The most recent in the series, NCAA Football 07, came out on July 17 and in a rare moment of self restraint, I told myself I didn't really need to buy it, at least not right away. Well, a couple of weeks later, pressure from my brother and anticipation for the upcoming college football season made waiting any longer unbearable. But, I also knew Megan's position on my buying the "exact same" game every year and on my probably too large collection of video games. So, I hatched a plan that would make us both happy: I would trade in my Dreamcast and Dreamcast games and in order to get the new NCAA Football.

So, I boxed up my Dreamcast and games and went to Gamers to trade it all in. After waiting for almost an hour, I finally queued up in line and had my stuff evaluated. The clerk stated numerous times that he was greatly impressed with my collection and the good condition that I kept the games in. His compliments made me glow with geek pride. Normally, I guess they have to test every game you sell to them, to make sure they all work, but due to the good condition they all appeared to be in, he said he'd only need to test one to make sure the Dreamcast itself worked. So, guess what game he picked? Freakin' Marvel Vs. Capcom 2. As I stood there and watched, he started playing the game on a HD flatscreen TV. The game never looked so good. I was just starting to have serious doubts about whether I really wanted to part with my stuff, when the other employees started to gather around the screen and remark how Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 was the best game made for the Dreamcast. A single tear slowly rolled down my cheek. Luckily, no one saw my sorrow, and I was able to leave Gamers with NCAA Football 07, almost $200 in store credit, and my dignity intact. Or as much dignity as you can have after spending nearly 2 hours at Gamers.

Anyway, it's been over a month now, and I have managed to survive without my Dreamcast. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that any spare time I have is consumed by NCAA Football 07, but that's not really the point. The point is I was able to get rid of some of my stuff, without anyone making me and I haven't even missed it. You have no idea how encouraged I am to finally start selling some of my comics on eBay. Some day, I'll probably give up comics and video games altogether, but right now, I'm not in that big of a hurry to grow up. As long as I keep making progress, I think I'll do just fine. And besides, Rebecca Sinkler, former editor of the New York Times Book Review once said, "The reluctance to put away childish things may be a requirement of genius." I can't argue with that.

Will The Real Mr. and Mrs. Thom Please Stand Up?

2006-08-25T16:08:00.000-05:00

This summer, I was bestowed the privilege of taking part in three different wedding ceremonies. And when I say privileged, I mean that sincerely. Each of these friends means a lot to me, and being able to be there when they get married, let alone being asked participate, makes feel very honored and very happy.

All of the weddings were scheduled to take place this fall; 2 in October, and 1 in November. The November wedding, it turns out, was be held in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Over Thanksgiving. Which, honestly, was kind of nice, as it gave Megan and I an excuse to skip the craziness that comes from having both sets of our parents divorced and remarried. Last year, I think we hit all four Thanksgiving dinners we were invited to. I like turkey and stuffing as much as the next guy, but a man can only take so much. So, this year, problem solved.

Or at least the problem with having too many Thanksgivings. You see, with Thanksgiving being a holiday, plane tickets are at a premium. It makes you wonder, though, if tickets go so fast because travelers are heading home to see family, or skipping town like us? Whatever the case, when I started looking for tickets in July, pickings were already getting pretty slim. Southwest was out. Name Your Own Price on Priceline was out. The cheapest tickets I could find turned out to be from American Airlines through Priceline. And when I say cheapest, that's a pretty relative term, as in "This is the cheapest Rolex I could find," or "This was the cheapest Lexus I could buy." But like I said, it's a once in a lifetime thing, and Megan and I had never spent much time in New Mexico, so it was money well spent. With the tickets purchased Megan and I began making plans for the trip, looking at stuff to do in our spare time, etc. Everything was going swimmingly. That is until the groom-to-be called me to inform me that the wedding had been postponed.

Not cool.

I have never had something like this happen before, but I knew that it's the airline's policy to screw you if have to change your tickets. The don't actually say that's their policy, rather they say this:
"... any changes to your itinerary must be made prior to the date of your departure, and will incur a minimum of a $100 change fee. If you make changes to your itinerary, your fare may be higher... if you do not use your tickets, and do not make changes to your itinerary prior to your date of departure, your tickets will have no value and cannot be refunded or exchanged.

Subject to certain restrictions and fees defined in the rules of the fare, the value of a wholly unused nonrefundable ticket may be used toward the purchase of a new ticket. Travel on such reissued tickets (or subsequently reissued tickets) must commence no later than one year from the date of issue of the original ticket."

Translation: "we're going to screw you, there's nothing you can do about it, so you might want to get something to bite down on." In our case, this means that either Megan and I fly to Albuquerque over Thanksgiving to, you know, "hang out" for four days, or we lose $200 in fees alone to change our tickets. That doesn't sound so bad does it, "hanging out" in New Mexico? Well, I know that the words "New" and "Mexico" bring about images of warmth and sunshine; and while it is true that Ablbuquerque could be 50 degrees and sunny in November, it's also true that it could be 30 degrees and snowing 10 inches. I don't think it's worth the risk. Even the chance that Megan and I could be snowed in at our hotel eating room service over Thanksgiving makes the notion of ponying up the $200 to change our tickets much more sensible.

What I can't figure out, though, is that pretty much everything else you buy can be returned if not used, so why not plane tickets? Yes, I understand that airlines can't make money if their planes are flying around half-empty because people are getting refunds right before take-off, but I'm talking about trying to get a refund nearly 3 months out. The plane was nearly booked up when I bought the tickets, so I'm pretty sure they're not going to have any trouble filling our empty seats. I mean, having to pay more money to use money I already spent seems really unjustified.

Also, I don't really understand why I can't just sell my ticket. Yeah, yeah, terrorists and blah, blah, blah. But that's what airport security is for. Besides it's not like terrorists have never bought plane tickets before. The only drawback I can see to being able to sell tickets, is that maybe scalpers would start buying plane tickets during holidays and mark up the prices. Seeing concert tickets go for over $1000 makes me cringe at how much plane tickets would be, but I'm sure there's a way around that, like I don't know, making it against the law to sell plane tickets for over face value, then offering rewards to people who report it. Whatever, it's not going to happen, especially before Thanksgiving, but it could work. And it should work. I mean, I'm the consumer. I bought the damn tickets. I own them. I should be able to do what I want with them.

Which brings me to the one and only loophole I could think of. Since each ticket is assigned to you by name, and you have to present your I.D. when checking in, all we have to do is find another couple with the same names as Megan and me. I know it sounds like a longshot, but for my ticket, I found this guy and this guy. There's gotta be at least a couple more out there, right? And as far a Megan goes, believe it or not, I found this one and this one. Now, all we have to do is convince them to fly from Omaha to Albuquerque over Thanksgiving and we're set!

Yeah, I know, probably not going happen. But I can dream can't I?

All I have to say is this, the rest of you are gonna get married! You hear me? I'm not changing my plans again, so if you postpone or cancel your wedding, be advised you'll at least be having a private ceremony with Megan and me as guests. Sound like a threat? Maybe. But as long as you all get married as planned, we won't have to find out... Now aren't you glad you made us part of your wedding?

There's No Such Thing As A Bad Idea

2006-08-05T14:51:00.000-05:00

It's a nice sounding saying. I understand that it was introduced to encourage input from people who might otherwise be too afraid of coming across as ignorant or even stupid . And who knows, maybe it even works. All I know is that it's a lie. Of course there are bad ideas. Just look at history and you'll find more bad ideas than stars in the sky. Here are just a few examples: Hydrogen-filled blimps, New Coke, invading Russia in the winter, Michael Jordan leaving basketball for baseball, the Crusades, electing G.W. Bush twice, the Bay of Pigs,etc. I think that most of us can all agree that those were all terrible, terrible ideas, and there's just no getting around that.

So, these last couple of weeks, I happened to check out two movies, that when I first heard of them, I thought they were both pretty bad ideas. But it turns out sometimes even bad ideas, in the right hands, can transcend their origins.

The first movie was Clerks II. Now, I dig Kevin Smith. I think he's a funny guy and I enjoy his sensibilities. Hell, I own most of his stuff out on DVD: his movies, An Evening With Kevin Smith, and even the Clerks Animated Series. But let's be totally honest here, with the exception of Chasing Amy, Kevin Smith has never made a "good" movie. He makes entertaining movies, to be sure, but most don't exactly hold together well enough to be considered great cinema. Add that with the debacle that is Jersey Girl and the fact that Clerks didn't exactly seem to scream out for a sequel and let's just say I wasn't first in line to see Smith's new film, Clerks II. I mean, it really just seemed like he was going back to the well, to something safe, after the pounding he took for Jersey Girl. It seemed unoriginal, and frankly, a little cowardly.

But guess what? Clerks II works. It really shouldn't, but it does. It turned out to be not only Smith's second best movie (behind Chasing Amy), but it also turned out to be his funniest. Seriously, this movie brings the goods. And aside from being funny, the movie shows definite growth, not only in the characters as the movie progresses, but from Smith, as well.

Don't go thinking, however, that because Smith has evolved since first making Clerks, that he's somehow matured, though. Oh no my friends, the humor is still as juvenile as it comes. Indeed, if his humor changed in any way, it's actually de-volved and gotten even more juvenile. I've got two words for you: inter-species erotica. The less said about that, the better. Does this hurt the movie? Heck, no! Max and I laughed our asses off from start to finish. And even with the more puerile humor the movie manages to have a heart. That heart is coupled with a perspective on being in your thirties that could only be gained by actually being in your thirties. A perspective that those of us getting up there ourselves should appreciate.

That said, this is definitely a movie for Kevin Smith fans. Where Jersey Girl made the mistake of trying to appeal to a broader audience, this one goes back to his base. In other words, if you think Kevin Smith makes funny movies, you'll like this one; If you don't think he's funny, then you're probably not going to like this one either.

The other movie that sounded like a bad idea was Miami Vice. I think the first time I learned of it's existence, I was at the movie theatre and saw the poster. As I walked toward the poster, I was thinking to myself, "Miami Vice? That could be the dumbest idea for a movie ever!" Then I read these words on the poster: 'A Michael Mann Film'. And I thought to myself, "I'm there."

A little background for those of you that don't know, Michael Mann is one of the best, if not the best, directors working today. Bar none. Not so sure? Here's what respected film critic Peter Travers said about Mann in his review of Miami Vice, "Some say Michael Mann is an acquired taste. I say an appreciation of Mann's films... means you have taste." Not only has he made such great films as Heat, The Last of The Mohicans, and The Insider, but he also was the executive producer and creative force behind the original Miami Vice television series. So, even though I was pretty sure the world didn't need a Miami Vice movie, at least I knew it would be in good hands.

Well, the good news and the bad news is that I was right. First, the bad news. Miami Vice turned out to be a pretty unnecessary exercise. It doesn't really bring anything new or interesting to the table as far as insight into the motivations of cops or criminals (the way Mann's Heat does). Nor does it riff on any way the original Miami Vice series. In fact, Mann could have just as well called it Undercover, and used completely new characters and might have avoided some of the unfavorable criticism the movie has garnered. And some of the criticism is justified. For instance, the jargon used by the characters is sometimes so indecipherable I likened watching the movie to watching a Shakespeare play: you know they're speaking English, but you don't always understand what they're saying, even though you can still follow along if you're paying attention. So, because of these and other factors, I'll have to say that Miami Vice is probably Mann's third worst movie. It's miles better than The Keep (which is Mann's only legitimate "bad" movie), but only slightly better than Thief and only slightly worse than Manhunter.

The good news is this, even Mann's third worst movie is better than 99% of the movies out there. I've been having an ongoing argument about the Miami Vice with some friends of mine for months that began well before it's release. One of the main complaints I've been hearing is the casting of Colin Farrell as Sonny Crockett. But that misses the point of Mann's films entirely. Mann could have cast Carrot Top as Sonny, and I still would have bought a ticket. The fact of the matter is, despite terrific performances by guys like Daniel Day Lewis, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Russell Crowe, etc. in the past, the real star of Mann's movies is Mann himself. His camera work, vision, and style are what make his movies unique and fascinating. And Miami Vice, despite it's flaws, is no exception.

Miami Vice is a badass movie. It's about badass cops taking down some badass criminals. But it's not badass in the typical Hollywood sense. This movie has nothing in common with buddy cop movies of the past, like the Lethal Weapon or Bad Boys films, for instance. And although, those kind of movies have their place, this is a completely different animal. Miami Vice, is dark, grim, gritty, and brutal. Its shot in way that at some points feel almost like an episode of Cops, where a cameraman is just taping the action going on around him. And when characters get shot and killed, it feels visceral and real. The structure of the film too, lends itself to a much realistic feel, as it has no definitive beginning or ending. By that I mean the movie picks up in the middle an operation and ends without tying everything together, almost as though it's sort of a 'day in the life' piece (again like Cops) that gives you a glimpse into the lives of the characters who will go on living their lives long after the end credits roll.

In the end, Miami Vice turned out to be a bit of a conundrum for me. I found it simultaneously disappointing and satisfying. It's definitely worth seeing, but considering Michael Mann's prodigious talents, it could have been better. That said, in the hands of almost any director, it would have been far worse. After all, despite my complaints, I think it's probably the best movie I've seen this summer.

So, while I may still may not believe that there is no such thing as a bad idea, I have come to more fully accept a different adage. The adage is you can't always judge a book by it's cover. Or more appropriately, you can't always judge a movie by it's title. Keep that in mind, next time you're at the cineplex, and you might get a pleasant surprise.

(Wrong) Class Reunion

2006-07-17T16:28:00.001-05:00

Megan and I had pretty eventful weekend. We were able to finally make it to the movies to catch a flick together and saw Friends With Money. The movie addresses a multitude of issues stemming from marriage and the relationships that married couples have within their own families and with others. It was a nice ensemble piece that was funny and bittersweet. My brother was in town and when Megan went to work on Sunday, we checked out Ed Norton's new flick Down In The Valley. It was...Interesting. It had some great moments, and Ed Norton was great as always, but the film never achieved the sort of fantastic realism I think it was trying for and actually needed to work. It's worth seeing, yet I can't see myself recommending it either. As a quick aside, after we left, my film student brother declared a better title would have been "Downer In The Valley." Takes after his brother, that one.

Anyhow, the major event of this weekend was not in fact my two trips to the multiplex, but Megan's Class of '96 high school reunion. An event made even all the more dramatic by the fact that on Friday afternoon, the day of the reunion, Megan developed an almost debilitating bladder infection. Now, I've never had one of these myself, but I can tell from witnessing them that they are not only uncomfortable, but searingly painful at times. So, Megan left work early, took some prescribed drugs, forced water, and once again proved what a total badass she is. For as I was content to beg off for a quiet evening at home, Megan was intent on sucking it up and going to her damned reunion. Hey, if she wanted to go that bad I wasn't going to stop her, and since the drugs had finally started to work their magic, it seemed like she would hold up long enough to at least make an appearance. Granted, Megan wasn't in the best mood (as was evidenced by her admonishment of my attire for the evening), but I think we both thought her mood would change for the better and once we got to the party, especially now that she wasn't in agony.

As it happened, I think that Megan later regretted her decision. A lot of our friends were there (Boyd and Emily, Katie and Josh, Mike and Melissa, Mike and Tracey, etc.), but we see them on a regular basis anyway. Her friends aside, I think Megan felt something akin to, "I'm going through all of this for these people?"

I, on the other hand, had a great time (despite the fact that I didn't bring any cash and had to bum money from Josh to buy a beer). Since these people weren't in my graduating class, I didn't feel like anyone was judging me, and the experience was quite freeing. It was also like having another reunion of my own, as the people there were all people I went to school with as well. Granted, there were a lot of unfamiliar faces, but I was surprised by how many people were there that I not only recognized, but actually knew. Here's a brief summary of conversations that evening:

- Caught up with Jay Saunders and met his fiance. Jay looks great, is still in the TV News biz (like me) and is a producer for a CBS affiliate in Columbus, OH. I'm looking forward to seeing them both again at Nate's wedding in October.

-Talked to Genelle ~~Wilson~~ Gerthoffer. I knew that she had gotten married to one of the three Gerthoffer boys (all of whom I worked with at Baker's in high school) but wasn't sure which one, a case made all the more confusing considering two of them are identical twins. Finally, found out it was Zach (one of the twins) that she was married to, not Joe (the other twin), and that she has only confused the two of them 3 times, and she was drunk each time. They're happy and have two kids. Genelle's a great person and was generally excited when she asked why I was there, since it wasn't my class reunion, and I told her that I had married Megan. It was a nice moment.

-While talking to Genelle, I was also engaged by Tiffany Pfeiffer. I know that I look a lot different than I did in high school, but I was wearing a freakin' nametag, so maybe you can understand why the following conversation was little annoying:

Tiffany: "You seem familiar. Were you on student council or something?"

Me (deadpan): "We were on the paper together."
In my head I'm screaming "WE WERE ON THE PAPER TOGETHER FOR TWO YEARS! I SAW YOU EVERYDAY AT SCHOOL FOR AT LEAST TWO HOURS!

Tiffany (still not making the connection): "Who did you hang out with?"

Me (not really understanding if she means on the paper or in general): "Max Riffner, Tristan Dalley, Ben Schick..."
In my head I'm screaming "ESSENTIALLY ANYONE WHO WAS ON THE PAPER, INCLUDING YOU! WHAT ELSE DID WE DO?!?!"

Tiffany (finally recognizing me): "Oh, yeah! But you were kinda..." Tiffany then puffs out her cheeks, leans back in her chair, and sticks out her arms from her sides and makes a sort of circle with her arms around her midsection as though she was carrying a large pot. I assume she was indicating that I was fat, but then again, maybe she had me confused with someone who was taking pottery...

Me: "Um, yeah..."

Anyhow, all I got from Tiffany was that she was "singing in a band." I asked her if she had heard Nick's CD, and she said that yes she had, it was good, and that she and Nick had "hung out" when he was living in NYC where she lives. I know it may not sound like it, but our conversation didn't make me mad, it was actually kind of amusing, and to be fair, even though I was wearing a nametag, I was a bit huskier in high school. Speaking of which, Tiffany, if you're reading this, try eating something with calories in it. You could stand to be a little more... (I know that you can't see it, but I'm puffing out my cheeks and making a circle with my arms around my midsection.)

-After talking with Josh about Zinedine Zidane and Fever Pitch (the Nick Hornby book and the Jimmy Fallon/Drew Barrymore movie), I had a nice conversion with Yolanda Johnson and LaSharah Bunting. I was really hoping that I would see Yolanda (or Yo as our journalism teacher Mr. Krainak called her). She was definitely one of my favorite people in journalism. She's doing well, and is an opera singer living in NYC. Mr. K would be proud of LaSharah as she is now working for New York Times and is also, obviously, living in NYC. We talked at length about Mr. K and the circumstances surrounding his retirement, as well as busing in Omaha, and Ernie Chambers' ridiculous OPS redistricting plan. When Yolanda asked what I was up to, I told I was an art director at a local TV station and she said "Of course you are." We ended our conversation with the two of them promising to check out Max's website and to keep an eye out for Goldenboy.

-Later, I had a long coversation with Sarah Reisinger. Sarah and I go way back, having grown up going to church together. Sarah's father Frank was our church's pastor, her older brother Scot was a youth group leader, Scot's wife Heather was used to babysit me (as did Scot) back in the day before they wre married, and Heather's sister Jessie is an old friend and former classmate. I got the scoop on all of them, Scot and Heather are expecting their first child, Jessie and her husband are expecting their second, and Frank, unfortunately, has was recently diagnosed with early onset, rapid Alzheimers. Sarah, though, is doing well, is married, and is teaching at Skinner Magnet, which is right across the street from North.

Finally, Megan and her bladder decided that they had had all they could take and we left for home. I was left with a couple of different thoughts about the whole experience. The first thought is how high school reunions don't really make for true reunions. Sure, you get to catch up with people from your graduating class, but you really went to school with 6 other classes during your tenure in high school. I had kind of forgotten that I went to school with thousands of other people, not just the 300 or so I actually graduated with. It makes the whole reunion thing ring all the more false. But as Megan pointed out, that's why they created homecoming. So, maybe I should actually start going to that one of these days...

The second and most important thing I took from the reunion is how glad I am that I have been accepted by Megan's group of former high school friends, and that they have truly become my friends as well. I really feel at ease when we're all together. I know that even if I didn't run into anyone else I wanted to see, I would have had a great time nonetheless, just hanging out with Mike, Melissa, Boyd, Emily, Katie, Josh, Mike, and Tracey.

It's nice to be accepted, even if it's from the wrong class...

Viva Zidane!

2006-07-14T10:33:00.000-05:00

I love the World Cup. Granted, I'm not a fanatic, as I am a casual soccer fan at best, but the World Cup is something different entirely. It's a time when a country's best players, who often play on different teams and therefore against each other, band together to represent their respective homelands. It's a time when entire countries essentially shut down while their team is playing so they can cheer them on. This is not an exaggeration either, I've seen it first hand. During the 2002 Cup, Megan and I were in Italy and Rome was like a ghost town when the Italians were on the pitch. Walking down the street, we saw shopkeepers and workers rush into the street when Italy scored and heard fireworks echoing throughout the streets. Every television screen anywhere was tuned to Cup matches. Heck, they even had big screen TV's set up at the train station, which attracted huge crowds even when Italy wasn't playing! There is simply nothing to compare it to back in the States, even for us Husker football fans, who might recall hundreds of Omahans converging on 72nd & Dodge in a spontaneous celebration when Nebraska won the National Title in '95. Granted, that's pretty cool, but to come close you'd have to imagine the whole country as being Husker fans to get a more accurate picture.

This Cup, I was again, of course, rooting for the US. Thankfully, I missed their first game, but was able to catch the other two matches against Italy and the Czech Republic. The Italy game was great, as I watched it a sports bar with a fairly sizable crowd of both US and Italy supporters. It's the closest I've come to having a true version of the atmosphere that surrounds the Cup everywhere else in the world here at home. Sadly, the US didn't make it out of the first round, so I have to admit my interest started to flag. I watched the occasional match, and caught bits and pieces here and there (our TiVo doesn't work with our new cable phone lines), but once England lost, I was without anyone to really root for. Honestly, I wanted to cheer on Italy, since I was there for the Cup in '02, but I just couldn't get behind them, as they seemed to flop every time a player from the opposing team looked at them wrong (which was nothing compared to Portugal's constant flopping).

Enter Zinedine Zidane. For those that don't know, Zidane is a worldwide soccer superstar who played on the French national team. I caught bits and pieces of almost all of France's games and he astounded even a novice soccer fan like myself with his ball-handling skills. Seriously, the guy is amazing. During this year's Cup, he had an assist and scored a goal against Spain, had an assist against Brazil (and was named Man of the Match), he scored the only goal had by either side in the game against Portugal, and in the World Cup final he scored a goal against Italy. That goal against Italy, by the way, put Zidane in a rather elite club, as he became one of only 4 players to score in two separate World Cup Finals. What made this all the more amazing is the fact that Zidane is 34 years old (ancient by soccer standards) and came out of retirement to play in the Cup. At this point, the stage was set for Zidane to walk off the pitch and, win or lose, have a Hollywood ending to his brilliant career.

Then the unthinkable happened, in the second overtime Zidane completely lost it and headbutted Italy defender Marco Materazzi in the chest. Zidane got a red card and France subsequently lost in penalty kicks to Italy. It was crazy. First of all, who headbutts someone in the chest? I mean, it was just weird. Second, Zidane had to know that the match was heading for penalty kicks. France obviously needed him on the pitch to help out, but that apparently slipped his mind in his moment of fury. And finally, what kind of way is that to end your career? I mean, Zidane is never going to play another match. He has had one of the most amazing careers in soccer where he has won countless accolades including FIFA World Player of The Year (3 times: 1998, 2000, and 2003), a World Cup title in 98, and the Euro 2000 title, and the last thing he does as a professional is headbutt some guy? There's a small part of me that thinks, well, if you're going to get a red card and get sent off, I guess that's the way to do it, but the sensible side of me realizes that has to be one of the worst ways to end your career in history.

Since getting sent off for the headbutt, a lot has been made of what Materazzi said to set Zidane off. Granted Materazzi probably deserved what he got, hell, he probably deserved worse. But the fact remains, this was the World Cup and not only that, it was Zidane's last match ever. I know that I have never been, nor will I likely ever be, in a position with that much pressure surrounding me, but you just can't lose it like Zidane did. Zidane not only let himself and his team down, but he let down millions, if not billions, of people down watching the match. It was truly a tragic event.

It was not however "unforgivable," nor was it a "disgrace," as some commentators have presumed to call it. When I think of disgrace in terms of sports, I think of guys like Pete Rose and Barry Bonds. These are two legendary sports figures who willfully and methodically broke the rules repeatedly. Pete Rose didn't just spontaneously, in the heat of the moment bet on baseball. Barry Bonds didn't lose his cool and in a split-second use performance enhancing drugs. These guys new what they were doing ahead of time, new it was wrong, and made conscious decisions to not only break the rules, but to keep breaking them. What these two guys did is a disgrace, what Zidane did is called a foul.

People foul in sporting events all the time and that's why they have yellow and red cards in soccer. Again, what Zidane did was a foul. He lost his head in a moment of anger, headbutted a guy, and got a red card. And just as with any other red card with any other player, he was punished appropriately, sent off the pitch, and that should have been the end of it. And that would have been the end of it, at least it would have if it wasn't Zidane, or if it wasn't the last game of his career. Unfortunately, because of those two factors, people can not let it go. They seem to keep wanting to punish Zidane for being, well, human.

The most unfortunate consequence of the whole ordeal is due to a strange twist of fate that occurred after the final whistle blew in that fateful last game of the World Cup. Zidane was awarded the Golden Ball, the award that goes to the best player in the World Cup. It was an award that Zidane clearly deserved due to his stellar performance throughout the Cup. Now that FIFA has initiated an investigation into the headbutting incident, there are indications that Zidane might be stripped of his award. This would be a travesty. Doing so would seem like an attempt to erase every great play that Zidane made throughout the entire Cup because he fouled out of the final game. It's not like we're talking about premeditated game fixing, or performance enhancing drugs; we're talking a garden variety foul. Okay, maybe not garden variety, but it wasn't a cheap shot, he didn't hit an opponent from behind, kick him when he was down, hit him in the face, or for that matter, say, bite his ear off.

Even Materazzi has stated the Zidane deserved the Golden Ball. "He won it for what he did on the pitch," Materazzi told the Gazzetta dello Sport. "He was the best." Materazzi even went so far as to call Zidane his hero. Coming from the guy who was on the receiving end of a headbutt, this is pretty high praise indeed.

Stripping Zidane of the Golden Ball would make an unfortunate end to a storied career even more unfortunate. Letting him keep it would at least allow Zidane some modicum of redemption, as he will never be able to attempt that for himself again on the pitch. People will rightly not soon forget Zidane's headbutt, but they shouldn't be made to forget his tremendous play in the World Cup either. The two should be allowed to co-exist, just as things that they we are ashamed of and things we are proud of co-exist in each and every one of us. It's what makes us human. And that's what makes Zidane one of us.

Nick Hornby On Criticism

2006-07-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I tend to prejudge a lot of things before they really get a chance. I often get so excited about something, say a new film, that when it fails to measure up, I am devastatingly disappointed. Other times, I decide something isn't any good, sight unseen, and miss out. A couple of days ago, I started reading Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch and thought a passage found inside summed it up quite nicely. So for any of you out there that has actually listened to or read any of my diatribes/rants on music and film (especially those of you who waded through my Superman Returns one), well, this one's for you:

"A critical faculty is a terrible thing. When I was eleven there were no bad films, just films I didn't want to see, there was no bad food, just Brussels sprouts and cabbage, and there were no bad books - everything I read was great. Then suddenly, I woke up in the morning and all that had changed. How could my sister not hear that David Cassidy was not in the same class as black Sabbath? Why on earth would my English teacher think that The History of Mr Polly was better than Ten Little Indians by Agatha Christie? And from that moment on, enjoyment has been a much more elusive quality."

By the way, when I read that to Megan, she said, "Oh my God, he's you!"

Sigh.

Everyone's a critic...

Super(?)Man

2006-07-12T13:45:00.000-05:00

I wasn't sure if I was going to write up my thoughts on the new movie Superman Returns or not. I was really excited about it and leading up to seeing it, I was surprised at how few other people were excited. Obviously, somebody went and saw it, since it made over $100 million in its Wednesday to Sunday opening "weekend." Not bad, but to put that into context, Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest made $135 million it's first weekend, and it started on a Friday, not a Wednesday. But, none of my friends have seen it, not even Max, even though the two of us have been closely following it's production. So, I don't really have anyone to talk with about what I liked and didn't like about it.

Generally, I find that you can discuss aspects of a movie in broad enough terms with people who haven't seen it, that you won't give anything away. However, the make or break, "yay "or "nay," thumbs up or thumbs down of the movie is a major plot spoiler. So, for instance, when I met Max, Ben, and Tim for lunch last week and they asked me what I thought of the movie I sounded like an incoherent idiot. When trying to explain what I didn't like about it, I think I said something like, "Well, there's this thing that happened in Superman II, that if what I have a problem with Superman Returns for having took place during, then it's okay, I guess. But, if the thing I didn't like about Superman Returns didn't take place during the thing that happened in Superman II, then I really have a problem with it." See? If that was the best you could come up with, you wouldn't want to talk about it either.

But recently, I have stopped worrying about ruining the movie for anyone. I don't think anyone that hasn't seen it already is probably going to see it anytime soon. And if you are planning on seeing it, and don't want anything ruined, for the love of God, stop reading this now. You've been warned.

Okay, so I'm going to assume that those of you left have either seen it or don't care. What I'm not going to assume is that you've seen (or if you have seen, remember) the first two Superman movies. This is one of the major problems that I have with Superman Returns. I'm a fan of the first 2 films. In fact, I own them both on DVD and I'm glad that this movie is not only a sequel of those two films, but ignores Superman III and Superman IV: The Quest For Peace. Although, in the interest of full disclosure I loved Superman III as a kid. It's got Richard Pryor, Superman turning evil, and even a scene where Superman splits into two Supermen with the good side fighting the bad side. Fortunately, I haven't seen it since it was first out on VHS, as I hear it's horrible, and I can keep my childhood memories untainted. Superman IV: The Quest For Peace, on the other hand, sucked then and will always suck.

Back to the first two movies, I haven't watched them in a while, and I bet it's been even longer for the average movie-goer, so the movie really faltered by not explicitly mentioning events in the last 2 movies. I mean, is it too much to ask for a little exposition referring to 2 movies that were made nearly 30 years ago?

So, unlike the screenwriter(s), I'm going to do a bit of a recap. First off, I want to say that Superman: The Movie is one of my all-time faves. I like it so much that I can overlook two glaring problems within the movie (a scene where a Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) voiceover recites poetry while she and Superman fly and the climax of the film where Superman flies around the Earth so fast he either goes back in time, or makes the Earth go back in time, either way, it's kinda dumb) and embrace it unconditionally as probably the best superhero movie of all-time. Richard Donner's film is beautifully shot, well-acted, and does a great job of using Superman as a metaphor for America (more on Superman as metaphor later). The movie essentially details the origin of Superman (an underappreciated Christopher Reeve), from his escape from his exploding homeworld of Krypton to his first time donning the tights and cape. From there he does battle with Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) who is going to use nuclear missiles on the San Andreas Fault to plunge California into the ocean, so all the land he owns in Nevada will be high-priced beachfront property (more on Lex Luthor's real estate shenanigans later). Superman saves the day, of course, and drops Lex off at prison. The End.

Superman II picks up with 3 criminals from Krypton (who were off in their space prison when Krypton exploded) arriving on Earth. The are evil and decide to take over the world. Unaware of their presence on Earth, Superman has revealed his secret identity as Clark Kent to Lois, given up his powers in the Fortress of Solitude (Superman's arctic base of operations) so he can marry her, and finally hooked up with her. After returning from his "honeymoon," the now powerless Superman sees that the world needs his help fighting the evil Kryptonians, so he returns to the Fortress of Solitude and regains his powers. With his powers back, Superman eventually defeats the 3 Kryptonian criminals and saves that day. At the end of the movie, Superman realizes the world needs him and that Lois can't live with always fearing for his safety, so he gives her a superkiss and makes her forget his secret and presumably their subsequent romance. The End. Again, there are some things I don't like about this movie, but overall I love it. I mean, what's not to love about Superman duking it out with 3 other super-people? If you actually answered that question in any other way that by responding, "nothing," well, you're not only wrong, you're un-American.

In Superman Returns, Superman (a commendable Brandon Routh) has returned from being in space for 5 years. He comes back to discover that the world has moved on, with even Lois (a rather flat Kate Bosworth) has turned on him, winning a Pulitzer for an editorial entitled Why The World Doesn't Need Superman. She even went and had a kid and got engaged to Richard White (a surprising James Marsden). Lex Luthor (an awesome Kevin Spacey) is back this go around as well. This time Lex is bent on using technology he stole from the Fortress of Solitude to create a new continent, which will destroy most of North America, and selling the land to the displaced populace (see I told you there'd be more real estate shenanigans). Eventually Superman stops Lex, throws the forming continent into space, almost dies, pulls through, and finds out Lois's kid is his. The End.

Guess what part of that nearly ruined the movie for me? If you said throwing the continent into space, because it was kind of boring and Superman didn't really fight anyone or anything, you'd be close, but wrong. No, it was Superman having a kid. I mean, I remember talking to people about how I was annoyed when I found out Lois had kid before the movie even came, since that seemed to be unnecessary and out of character. Imagine how I felt when it turned out to be Superman's!

There's a whole bunch of reasons why this annoys me, the first of which is SUPERMAN DOESN'T HAVE A KID. Yeah, I know this is a movie and it's different, blah, blah, blah. But it's totally unnecessary. Seriously, as a thematic device it serves little to no purpose. I suppose that one could make the argument that giving Superman a son humanizes him. However, I would make the argument that Superman already was human enough, having been raised by two loving human parents who instilled in him his values. Also, let's not forget his relationship with, and his love for, Lois Lane.

As it stands, the introduction of a child for Superman only served to confuse and confound not only the message of the movie, but it's audience. Watching the movie, it quickly became apparent that director Brian Singer had cast Superman this time not as a metaphor for America (as Donner had), but as a metaphor for Christ. Seriously, the Christ-like images of Superman occur so often, you could make a drinking game out of spotting them. Does saddling Supes with a kid reinforce this metaphor? No, rather it detracts. If the writer(s) really wanted to reinforce this metaphor, a better tact would have been to play up Superman being raised by his earthly parents when he is clearly more than human, as Joseph and Mary are said to have done with Jesus. Not that I think that the whole Superman as Christ metaphor is a particularly good one (I prefer the Donner metaphor), but for the most part it works. It just could have worked better.

As far as confusing the audience goes, I've got to say that throwing the kid in there initially not only confused me, but actually pissed me off. First off, as I said before, SUPERMAN DOESN'T HAVE A KID. But it went further than that. I mean, Superman is supposed to represent our best ideals, and in the movie he's a Christ figure, so it was completely out of character for him to father an illegitimate son. Not only that, but he flew off into space leaving the mother of the child to raise him on her own. Superman? Try Super Deadbeat Dad. And I'm not even getting into the actual logistics of how Superman could knock Lois up without killing her!

After the movie, I had a bad taste in my mouth. For the next 2 days when people asked me about Superman Returns, I gave a them a thumbs down. Then in sort of an epiphany, I remembered the whole sequence in Superman II when Lois and Superman hooked up while he was powerless. The pieces have since fallen into place and I have now cooled off, but this brings me back to one of my original points, which is: if even a fan of the first 2 movies, could understandably have forgotten some of their details, what about the rest of the audience who may have seen the originals only once or not at all? Normally, I get mad when the filmmakers don't give the audience enough credit, but here they gave them too much. Exposition people!

The beginning of the film even started of with a black screen and white text explaining that Superman had left Earth after astronomers discovered the remnants of Krypton and that he had been gone for 5 years. Is it too much to ask then, that they throw the audience a bone with another sentence like, "After his battle with the renegade Kryptonians and it's repercussions on his relationship with Lois Lane, Superman decides to investigate the scientists' discovery," or words to that effect. Something. Anything! It would not only directly acknowledged the films that came before it, and made a better transition, but it would have cleared up some other questions as well, like Superman's timing. It would be understandable if he left after his battle with the other Kryptonians to lick both his physical and spiritual wounds. It would not make sense for him to leave much later than that, though, because he would have known Lois was pregnant. After all, we're talking about a guy that can hear what's going on down on Earth from space and has x-ray vision. If he left knowing Lois was pregnant, it would be totally out of character, and I'm sure this was not the intent, but since the filmmakers were too lazy to spell it out, it leaves you to wonder: maybe Superman's a dick.

Okay with that out of the way, let me tell you my other problems with the movie. It's too long, the plot with Lex and real estate is a little too similar to the original (especially since it's a sequel, not a remake), and by the end it gets kind of boring. Not overly boring, but Superman doesn't really get to fight anyone, he just throws a small continent into space. So, you probably think I hated it, right?

Nope. It takes a lot to make me hate a film. Yes, I was a little disappointed in it, but overall, I thought it was pretty good. In fact, having only seen it only once, I liked it only slightly less than I liked Spider-Man the first time I saw it. What Superman Returns did well, it did exceptionally well. First of all, the movie looks great. I mean it. Great. If it doesn't get nominated for an Academy Award for art direction, it will be a travesty. Second, Routh and Spacey are great replacements for Reeve and Hackman. Third, the special effects are great and Routh looks great in the suit. Fourth, the tone, look, and feel of the movie are spot-on descendants of the original two. And finally, it has a scene where Superman rescues a plane that is beyond words. It is the best scene of a superhero doing his thing on film so far and it perfectly captures Superman being, well, super. Not only that, but it's quite possibly one of the coolest things I've seen on the silver screen, period.

So, where does that leave us? Well it leaves me shrugging my shoulders and going, "Meh," when people now ask me about the movie. I no longer feel I wasted my money, and it's a far sight better than Daredevil. I remember not really liking Spider-Man all that much until I saw it on DVD, plus having remembered the events of Superman II has certainly taken the edge off my disdain.

So, who knows? Maybe this was just a jumping off point for something better next go around, as was the case Spider-Man. Maybe my questions will be answered and my doubts assuaged. And maybe, just maybe, they'll kill off the kid. Hey, I know it sounds cruel, but that's the only way they can save this franchise. He is only a character after all, and a superfluous (no pun intended) one at that.

The sad thing is, my tickets essentially already been sold, because I can't wait to find out.

Independence Day

2006-07-10T17:51:00.000-05:00

This year's 4th of July holiday somehow turned into a week-long celebration. It was a little like Christmas for me, running around visiting with family and friends who were in town and eating lots of food. What made it even more like Christmas was the fact that more and more, this secular holiday has begun to inspire more and more reverence from me. The Constitution is quickly becoming my Bible, and the celebration of the birth of our country my Christmas. The best way I can think to put it is I believe in God, but my faith belongs to the Constitution. Yes, I know that the Constitution didn't take effect until March 4, 1789, but since there's no Constitution Day, the 4th of July makes for an easy substitute.

As I continue to read works detailing the creation and ramifications of the Constitution, such as Jon Meacham's outstanding American Gospel: God, the Founding Fathers, and the Making of a Nation and J.R. Norton's informative and acerbic Saving General Washington, my adoration for the document grows greater still. Learning more about our Constitution and our founding fathers has truly made me feel more patriotic. Unfortunately, the more patriotic I feel, the more I am disappointed with what is happening to our country and the ways in which our Constitution is being ignored and abused.

I really believe that things are going to get better. The problem is, change does not seem to be coming quickly enough for my tastes. This created a bit of a logjam when I sat down to write this post, as I wanted to praise what an amazing document the Founding Fathers had crafted, but I kept feeling the need to point out how the current administration seems to have thrown it out the window. I then realized that recently I have been complaining a bit too much about the current state of affairs in our government, and I was just going to do so again. Instead, I think I will give myself and those of you who actually read this blog a break. I know that Thomas Paine would be disappointed and probably pissed off at this prospect, but he seemed to be pissed off and disappointed most of the time anyway.

So, the rest of this week I'll be doing my best to post on current events not involving politics. Check back to see what I come up with. And don't worry, I'll be back to bitching about politics soon enough...

P Ricketts

2006-06-23T09:29:00.000-05:00

I think that Pete Ricketts should change his name to something more hip, like I dunno, "P Ricketts." It would sound cool, and make an association in the minds of young, "with it" people to Sean "P Diddy" Combs. Or he could just shorten it to "P RICK," like when Sean Combs went from "Puff Daddy" to " P Diddy."

Wait. Maybe that's not such a good idea. See, I was just thinking about this in my head, but now that I see "P RICK" spelled out on screen, it looks kinda bad... So, just forget the whole thing. We wouldn't want to give people the wrong impression now would we?

In all seriousness, this guy continues to piss me off. Anybody who declares himslf a "Reagan Republican," at the beginning of their newest campaign commercial, while simultaneously continuing to support the policies of the current administration in fighting against things like embryonic stem cell research deserves to be called out. I mean, even Nancy Reagan is for stem cell research, and you can't get much more "Reagan Republican" than that.

Ricketts' new spot, Protect Our Values, is ridiculous. In fact, I think that Ricketts has reached a new level of ridiculousness, that as I have made the case before, was already a pretty high bar. In the new ad, Ricketts begins by saying:

"I'm Pete Ricketts. I approve this message because as a Reagan Republican, I know Washington politicians have abandoned our conservative values of low taxes and limited government."

It's very rare for the first two sentences out of a politicians mouth to kill their rest of their ad for me. Honestly, all it takes these days is seeing Pete Ricketts face to get me fuming, let alone anything he might say. But lets dissect this first sentence, shall we? First, I'm not exactly sure what a Reagan Republican actually is. I'm sure that's it's a term used to harken back to the bygone era of the '80s where everything was just peachy. I'll admit that the optimism and pride in America that the Reagan administration embodied were good for the country, and I'll even concede that some of his policies may have helped bring about the end of the Cold War. He saw the United States as a "shining city on a hill," the light of the world. Which it was. Unless you happened to live at the lower end of the economic spectrum, or I don't know, have AIDS. According to the Statistical Abstract of the United States for 1996, the number of people (white, black, and Hispanic) below the poverty level increased in almost every year between 1981 (31.8 million) and 1992 (39.3 million). And I'm not blaming AIDS on Mr. Reagan, but according to Dartmouth Professor Michael Bronski, AIDS was first reported in 1981 and wasn't addressed by the President until 1987 and by that time 59,572 people had been diagnosed with AIDS and 27,909 had died from it. Add all of that to the fact that national debt exploded from $930 billion in 1981 to $2.6 trillion in 1988, and I'm having a hard time seeing what's so great about being a Reagan Republican. Maybe it's a case of believing in the ideals that something represents, rather than the actual practice, much along the lines of how I feel about this country of ours, but with Ricketts I somehow doubt it.

Moving right along, Ricketts claims we have "abandoned our conservative values of low taxes and limited government." I agree that we have abandoned the ideal of limited government. I totally agree that the Executive now has way too much power, trampling the Constitution whenever it sees fit and committing violations from domestic spying to suspending habeas corpus. But what the hell is Ricketts talking about when he says we are abandoning low taxes? Where has he been since G.W. Bush took office? Hello, tax cuts? Tax cuts even during a time of "war?" Tax cuts that when combined with the money we are spending on the "war" have helped raise the deficit to an astronomical $8.4 trillion? Tax cuts that "have contributed to revenues dropping in 2004 to the lowest level as a share of the economy since 1950, and have been a major contributor to the dramatic shift from large projected budget surpluses to projected deficits as far as the eye can see?" Tax cuts that benefit the wealthy, averaging $44,293 a year for the top 1 percent, while having a negligible effect on average families who end up receiving only about $227 in relief? Tax cuts that have shifted federal tax payments from the richest Americans to a wide swath of middle-class families? What about those tax cuts Pete? Good Lord, you cut taxes any more, and I do not want to see the outcome. As it stands, guys like Pete Ricketts will continue to get richer and richer and almost everybody else in Nebraska will be left father and farther behind. People like you and me. Tell me again how that's in step with "Nebraska Values?"

You still with me? Good. Now, the next part of his ad is downright hilarious. The ad switches from a close up of Ricketts' hairless dome to a shot of DC with Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton super-imposed over the top. Ricketts' voiceover proclaims:

"A Democrat Senate controlled by Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton promises an agenda of higher taxes, more government spending, and liberal judges."

First of all, is Pete Ricketts running against Hillary Clinton and/or Ted Kennedy? Look, I have no particular love for these two either, so to be fair to Pete, I'll call them names, too. How about Hillary "White Water" Clinton and Ted "Brown Liquor" Kennedy? The fact remains, however, that Ricketts IS NOT running against White Water and/or Brown Liquor, he's running against Ben Nelson. Second, are either White Water or Brown Liquor in control of the Senate? No, it's controlled by Republican Majority Leader Bill Frist. And even if the control of the Senate swings to the Dems in the next election, wouldn't Minority Leader ~~Nancy Pelosi~~ Harry Reid then be in control? Third, according to Republicans, the Democrats have no agenda! That's what guys like Ricketts attack them on, and now suddenly, they have one? And they're "promising" higher taxes and more government spending? That sure sounds like a great strategy to me, voters love hearing those kinds of pledges. Then what about wanting liberal judges? Well they can have that on their "agenda" all they want, but they still have a Republican in the White House to contend with. And last I heard, "Supreme Court justices, court of appeals judges, and district court judges are nominated by the President and confirmed by the United States Senate, as stated in the Constitution."

So, as you can see Ricketts continues to pull stuff out of his ass. No facts, just conjecture. He continues to mislead and even managed to mangle the Constitution. Great job, Pete. If he can do all of that in a 30 second spot, imagine what he can do while serving our state in Congress! Win or lose, I can hardly wait until the next election, so I won't have to see Ricketts' ads any more.

Eux Autres + Stella Artois = Awesome

2006-06-16T12:47:00.000-05:00

Despite the fact that I was still recovering from my week long journey to, through, and from the South, I went and checked out Eux Autres with Megan at the Goofy Foot on Monday night. I was fine getting there, but by the time the opening bands started playing, I could barely keep my eyes open. I'm sure it was a combination of still being tired from my trip, having gone to work and stared at a screen all day, and drinking beer, glorious beer. I wasn't really planning on drinking at all that night, due to my extreme tiredness, but the Goofy Foot now has Stella. On tap. I have yet to find this beer for sale anywhere in Omaha, let alone on tap. I was so excited, that when Josh went to the bar to get drinks for our table, I had him bring back 2. They were delicious indeed, and served in true pint glasses, not the slightly smaller size you commonly find in U.S. drinking establishments. These were true 20 oz pints and I drank 'em down like someone might steal them from me.

I was still feeling fine, and was enjoying the company. We chatted with good friend and 1/2 of Eux Autres Nick Larimer for a bit, caught up with Mike Arnold, chatted with Katie and Josh, and were regaled with a hilarious story of a recently returned Max's first massage in Jamaica. Right as the first band was taking the stage, I made a mistake in ordering another beer. Needless to say, soon after I was feeling, shall we say, relaxed. Too relaxed. So even though both opening bands, the Third Men and The Family Radio, played great sets, I was forced to basically sit back and listen rather than watch.

Luckily, my half asleep strategy worked, and by the time Eux Autres took the stage, I was able sit up, watch, and sing along. They really put on a great show and I had a lot of fun. In fact, I think that everyone there had a lot of fun, especially the band. They even covered "Summer of 69" which was an absolute hoot. I'm really looking forward to their next album and hopefully another show back in Omaha. Any excuse to down more Stellas and I'm there.

Anyhow, Eux Autres is still on tour, so if you get a chance, check 'em out. You won't be disappointed. Here's the rest of their tour dates:

Fri 16 : Toronto, ON - Rancho Relaxo
w/Ratiscule, Bad Flirt, Terror Lake

Sat 17 : Montreal, QC - L'Escogriffe

Mon 19 : Buffalo, NY - Soundlab
w/Marianne Dissard, Naim Amor

Wed 21 : Philadelphia - The Standard Tap
w/Kurt Vile

Thurs 22 : New York, NY - Pianos